DS taking stuff too seriously ??

[mumblechum]

DS is 14 and finds any sort of failure really hard to deal with. For eg last week he got his SATs results (his school still does them for setting). He got 7b for Maths & Science and 7a for English. He was absolutely gutted that he didn't get 7a for everything as he had worked v hard and really wants to be in the top set for everything for GCSEs.

Yesterday was his first ever rowing regatta. His crew won the first 4 races then got knocked out in the final by 1 length. Again, I & his dad were saying well done, you did really well etc but he was absolutely fuming that his crew hadn't won the final, to the extent that he barely spoke all last night.

How can I get him to be less hard on himself and more chilled? DH told him yesterday that winners don't learn anything, you only learn by losing etc etc but it doesn't seem to sink in.

Am worried that if he gets anything less than straight A*s at GCSE he'll think he's a failure.

Rowing is the ultimate team sport. Might he find an individual sport (like golf?) easier to deal with, or do you think he would beat himself up even more?

it sounds a bit indugled ( sorry)

i would be saying "fgs boy, get a grip, your self indulgant mood swings are grating. so you lost. get over it."

I know what you mean Custy, but neither I nor dh are remotely competetive and would just laugh it off if it was us messing up.

I just find it hard to imagine actually feeling that pissed off about stuff that really doesn't matter.

Will try the wet fish round the chops technique next time

I have tried (metaphorical) wet fish to chops

I have tried patient reasoning

All that changes is the volume at which he beats himself up - either he tells us or he doesn't, but he still beats himself up

I think there has to be some explaining of winning and the achievement of doing your personal best.

How is your with friendships?

How is he as a person? is he a perfectionist neat and tidy?

He is 14 - he is learning about life, it is hard. It is also fairly normal. I wouldn't get too involved in heavy, lengthy discussions TBH.

You are his parents, you know nothing about life, after all .

IME, I would take the same tack one would take with a toddler - distraction and jollying along. Don't criticise or laugh at him - just give him a hug and tell him you are proud of him.

You are at the start of a rocky road, don't use up all your energy at this stage!

Nicks Chick, he's ridiculously popular (while he was out all day yesterday, FIVE of his friends left messages asking if he was free to get together.

He's neat and tidy now that I've done his room up but previously was the usual bombsite.

I think we may have been given the wrong baby at the hospital.

Is he fiercely competitive? My DD is and she's her own worst critic she swims and competes at Triathlon she's never happy with her performance, she always wants that extra split second off her time or that slightly faster start. I guess that being like that is part of what make athletes athletes?