Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

First post - does anyone else have these feelings? [sad]

19 replies

Rosepetal72 · 18/05/2009 09:35

I have a son of 14 and a daughter of 10. They both mean the world to myself and my husband but yesterday I had had a panic/anxiety attack about them growing up. I just want to be able to freeze the stage they are at now. My son is fast turning into a man and it just seems to be going so fast. I last had an anxiety attack like this when I had post natal depression but I am not depressed. Of course I want them to have lives of their own and to support them and these feelings have come like a bolt out of the blue. I'm in floods of tears just typing this

OP posts:

Tortington · 18/05/2009 09:46

i do get very sad. my oldest has a flat of his own as of last week, my twins are 16

and it won't be too long before they are gone and i will be stuck looking at dh's ugly mug.

i'm looking forward to having more disposable income when they leave, and then being the bestest granny in the world ever!

i think its all about the spin you put on it.

AMumInScotland · 18/05/2009 09:53

Hi, I think it's always a bit scary to think of them growing up, and you not being able to protect them any more. But you know if you've been doing a reasonable job of raising them, they'll be ready to be more independent when the time comes. My DS is 15, and our relationship has changed as he's got older, but he's still my little boy in lots of ways, and always will be, even though he's a good bit taller than me now!

If it's just a one-off worry, then I think it's just part of being a parent, but if you find you're getting them more often than its probably worth chatting to your GP to get support with it, so that you don't spend your time fretting about it when there's no need.

HTH

Owls · 18/05/2009 10:02

Yes sometimes a pang or two at really just how quickly it all went. Never seems to at the time, but now the years have seemed like minutes.

I sometimes see posts on here about people trying to cope with crying/non-sleeping babies and have to resist the urge to post "oooh just pick them up and cuddle them for as long as you can, because before you know they're walking out the door". Obviously I don't post that because it would be really unhelpful!

I do remember the early, very tiring years so well.

Like Custy, now looking forward to some disposable income and freedom to go on holiday outside school hols!

mumblechum · 18/05/2009 10:13

I know what you mean about wanting time to stand still. I wish I'd taken more photos of ds growing up because they help to remind you of certain moments in time which will never come around again

BUT it's true that the older and more independent they get, the easier it is in other ways. I think this is the time when you start to think more about your marriage as well and gradually that relationship takes a bit more of a front seat as the child grows up and away.

Original poster

Rosepetal72 · 18/05/2009 11:53

I just don't understand why I suddenly feel like this, yesterday morning I was fine and now I feel really sad. It's all a few years in the future so it's not as though it's going to happen overnight. I feel so silly and yet the anxiety and sadness is very real.

OP posts:

margotfonteyn · 18/05/2009 13:02

No it won't happen overnight so you will gradually get used to letting go, and when they do leave to go to university or whatever it is sad and the end of an era. But they turn into someone else in a way and they are not your 'child' any more but are still yours, IYSWIM. It turns into a different kind of relationship which is just as nice (once they have got through the teens...).

I am sure it is quite normal to feel how you do once in a while.I certainly felt like that when my DD left home initially, it was quite scary how I felt, but it did go off and now I wonder why I did feel so awful.I am sure it will pass and you will soon get used to them growing up and, I echo, Custardo, I'm now looking forward to the grandchildren!!!

Mumwhensdinnerready · 18/05/2009 14:21

I'm sure there's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do Rosepetal, we all have those days, as long as it's just the odd day I wouldn't worry.

When you have a baby you can get fed up of people saying " make the most of it , they grow up so quickly". I have tried to do that though and every stage my DSs reach I love.
At each stage I also wish time would stand still and OWLS, the years really do seem like minutes.
I remember when DS1 was six months old and I moved his cot into the baby room. It felt as though he was leaving home. Then his first day at school was emotional. Now I have tissues ready for DS2s last day at primary school.

webwiz · 18/05/2009 15:33

I think perhaps that the reason why teenagers are such a pain that its natures way of helping us parents want them to move on and grow up . My eldest DD is 17 and has been the most difficult teenager imaginable and I'm sure I will miss her when she goes to university in the autumn but my life will certainly be more peaceful and I will get more sleep. (Is it so difficult to answer your mobile phone when you are more than an hour after you said you would be in?) She's 18 in July and sometimes I can't believe that the time has gone so quickly.

Now I just need to go and nag at her to revise or she won't be going to university after all.

Original poster

Rosepetal72 · 18/05/2009 21:44

Thank you for all your advice and support. I am feeling a bit calmer this afternoon although still a bit low. I spoke to my Mum and she gave some good advice (as always). I can see that I shall have to plan my time carefully when the time comes, perhaps I shall go to spa days with my Mum (who will only be 64) and buy another horse .
I am so happy being a Mum it's difficult to imagine the time before they arrived and my son still has a lovely nature (despite being a teenager) that unless he starts to get a real pain I know I will find it hard. Holidays outside of school holidays sound good though

OP posts:

themoon66 · 20/05/2009 11:07

Oh this subject makes me well up with tears. Mine are 22 and 17 and I seem to be spending too much time gazing at their baby pictures

My mum says it is 'empty nest' syndrome.

whitecloud · 21/05/2009 12:33

Rosepetal72 and everyone. It is a comfort to know that others feel the same way. I have one dd who is nearly 14 and is getting so independent. It can make you feel very redundant and just sad. In my case has coincided with deaths of my parents in the last 2 years and other things. Probably makes it worse. I know in theory you should congratulate yourself that they are independent and it means you have done a good job, but I do find myself very emotional at the thought of her when she was little. Think, like all the other things you go through, it just takes time to come to terms with it all.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/05/2009 12:53

It is very hard, especially when you realise that some moments are 'gone'.

I used to complain like mad about High School Bloody Musical when dd was into it. However she now considers it the height of naff. Now that the posters of Zac Ephron are down from the wall and the Green Day ones have been put up I am looking back on those days with nostalgia and regret. She will never be a little girl into stuff like that again.

I sometimes dread to think about the future. Mum was the same about my brother. One minute he was poncing about watching World Wrestling crap on the TV permanently (how my mum hated it), then he was off to uni, now he has moved permanently to California and we see him only a couple of times a year. I think she wished that she spent more time with him when she had the chance.

The flipside of it is I do love dd as a teenager - it is really good fun having a teenager in the house, reminds me of when I was earnestly passionate about things (music, films, the environment, politics even). You just have to look on the positive side really, otherwise it's too upsetting!

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/05/2009 12:55

Oh, and Christmas is the worst time ever, I think. Looking at all those little ones queuing up to see Father Christmas

stleger · 21/05/2009 13:02

Mine are 17, 15, and 12...the speed of those years going is awesome!

noddyholder · 21/05/2009 13:04

step away from this thread noddy!!!!!!!

piggintrotters · 21/05/2009 16:13

My tears can, and sometimes do, flow daily when I think of DC growing up, they are 10 and 14, it breaks my heart and I too pour over the baby photographs frequently. All I ever wanted was to be a mummy and have my babies, it feels like the job is almost done. I shed tears each night over my precious babies.

musicposy · 21/05/2009 22:53

Oh, I often feel like this recently, glad it's not just me, that helps. DD1 is 13 and DD2 will be 10 in a month or two. I keep thinking that in a few years time neither of them will be children at all. I just want to stay like this for ever - especially with my 9 year old who is still so little and cute .

Only yesterday I was talking about my eldest starting school and how grown up she was. Only yesterday that she used to throw tantrums every time she saw the rides outside Tescos. Where did that time go? It was so quick and I don't feel ready to stop being a parent to children.

I just try not to think about it too much, but the upside is it makes me try to enjoy every moment.

noddyholder · 21/05/2009 22:55

I agree enjoy every minute.I try to even though at 15 ds tries my patience at times but most of the time is lovely.You will never stop being their parent it will just change xx

musicposy · 21/05/2009 22:55

I know what you mean, piggintrotters, I always wanted children too, much more than my friends. The white wedding stuff, the big house, nice car, didn't bother me. I wanted children and counted myself the luckiest person alive when I got them - I still do. That's why the thought of them growing up and away is so hard - what do I do then?

Flip