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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

dd getting stressed about stalkerish behaviour of boy ..help me advise her

14 replies

brimfull · 16/05/2009 20:05

she is 17 same as boy

they have been friends for about 3 yrs in big group of friends

he's fancied her for ages but she's always told him she only wants to be friends

he has started to become weird now that dd and another boy are clearly about to start going out

weird behaviour is;

phoning and texting too much at all hrs

telling her that she can't go out with anyone else even if she doesn't want to go out with him

telling her that all her friends think this relationship with the other boy is doomed (not true)

arguing constantly with other boy about dd,falsely saying dd really likes him

dd said it's becoming like a huge weight on her shoulders..how should she deal with it?

OP posts:

Original poster

brimfull · 16/05/2009 20:32

bump

OP posts:

iheartdusty · 16/05/2009 20:36

bump for you

frogs · 16/05/2009 20:37

Tell her that a hormone-driven male can be v. slow to pick up on cues that they are no longer wanted. Extreme lack of subtlety may be required.

I used to get my dad to answer the phone in these circs. Worked a treat. If you can do 'scary mum', this will probably work as well.

She should not feel guilty, it is normal to end a relationship when you're 17, it's not as if she's 37 and has three kids with him.

Original poster

brimfull · 16/05/2009 20:39

she has never had a relationship with him

he is part of her social group which makes it awkward

I do know he works in the local newsagents so may hve a wor dif he continues

OP posts:

RedFraggle · 16/05/2009 20:40

Agree with Frogs, she will need to be blunt. She is probably being too nice and understanding and trying to not hurt him etc. He is a teenage boy and is reading this as "she is so nice to me - there is a chance if I just persist"

Have been there myself as a teenager, only way out is to be blunt.

Or get you to do it

Original poster

brimfull · 16/05/2009 20:46

sorry should have said she has been very blunt with him

has said stop calling me ,I don't like you and will never go out with you

OP posts:

jenwyn · 16/05/2009 20:58

Aha-so she talks to him-obvious to him that this means she is secretly in love with him. Boys have no sense -especially when love looms large.

Only way is to be more blunt than you imagine is blunt enough. He just wont hear it otherwise.

Or tell his Mum

EvenBetaDad · 16/05/2009 21:10

His behaviour is not 'weird' in the sense that teenage boys get crushes and unrequited loves like teenage girls do.

However, his behaviour is now unwelcome. Can you block his number on her mobile so he cannot text or phone? I know you can block his email by just defining it as spam.

I agree that a direct approach from her is what is needed. Perhaps backed up 'big scary Mum' having a kind, calm but firm word.

RedEmma · 16/05/2009 21:18

I think his behaviour goes beyond normal teen crush tbh - it's harassment, and he should be made to see it like that.

"telling her that she can't go out with anyone else even if she doesn't want to go out with him" - sounds quite possessive and intimidating too.

I would make clear to the boy that the phoning/texting and bothering DD etc is harassment, and he must stop. If not, I would try to speak to his parents, or involve their school/college.

Original poster

brimfull · 16/05/2009 21:28

His slightly obseessive behaviour has been going on for about 2 yrs now .

She finds it very difficult to avoid him altogether as he is a part of the larger social group.

I think I or dh will have to have a word if he keeps pestering her to this extent.

Today she went out with me without her mobile to get a rest from him.

She is ignoring all texts and calls now, so we'll see if that works.
Thanks

OP posts:

smudgethepuppydog · 17/05/2009 10:06

DD has had (or still gets this from time to time) with a lad she works with. She has never encouraged him either and he seems to have the hide of a rhino when it comes to DD telling him to 'bog off'. DD has blocked his number on her phone but texts still come through she never, ever replies to them though.

She has also blocked his email. One option we have looked at is getting her a new SIM for her phone but he's probably wheedled her number from a group friend.

He did cause a few problems between her and her boyfriend in the beginning but luckily the boyfriend stuck around and he now knows just what a problem this unwanted admirer is for DD.

Tell her to keep ignoring him (totally if necessary) and be on stand by to answer her phone if the calls get too much.

Tortington · 18/05/2009 10:21

i think it all sounds like many of the teenage dramas hat my dd and her big group of friends experience from time to time.

ime he only way to stop it - is peer pressure, she needs to get the group to clearly show that this isn't acceptable

3littlefrogs · 18/05/2009 10:26

I agree with RedEmma. None of my ds's friends would behave like this. It goes beyond what I would consider "normal".

I would involve his parents and the school. It is threatening behaviour.

KingCanuteIAm · 18/05/2009 10:27

I agree with Custy, she needs to go public (also this would make the situation clear to the potential boyfriend). If she explains things to her friends and tells tham that she is worried and upset they should, hopefully, back her up in telling him to back off.

I think she is going to be lucky to get out of this with the current group in tact though, my experience as a teenager, is that some will take his side, sone hers and the group will move on and re-define itself as events unfold.

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