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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

I need advice

16 replies

worriedmum · 25/04/2003 15:12

Help, I have changed ny name for this as I am so embarrasses/ashamed whatever.

I am taking my son (15) down to the police station this evening and he will be arrested, a statement taken and bailed.

His friend (16) took his grandmothers car without consent and gave my son a lift home. The friend then went onto crash and write off the car, whilst under the influence of alcohol.

My son tried to cover for his friend and said that they had been picked up by some guys they had met in the pub and it 'just happened' that the car turned out to be'stolen' and just 'happened' to be his friends grandmothers car He was desperately trying to cover for his friend but has now come clean about it all,that is why we are going to make a statment,

Does he need a solicitor there? Can he be charged with anything, does anyone know where I can get advice quickly, my DH is away until tomorrow evening and I won't be able to speak to him until late this evening. ( out of phone coverage area)

I understand that the other boy will have many charges to face, and also want my son to be reprimanded, so he realises the consequences of his stupidity, but really want to know the legal side of things.

Thanks girls!

OP posts:

sobernow · 25/04/2003 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doormat · 25/04/2003 15:51

Phone a solicitor now and get some advice. Explain everything and they should be able to tell you whether a solicitor shoul be present during the interview. I think there should be IMO.

I don't know whether your son will be cautioned or charged. Alot depends on what his friend has said in his statement

Meanmum · 25/04/2003 16:34

Definitely contact a solicitor. You don't know what your son's friend will say and it could be something as bad as the fact your son drove the car. I know the police can fingerprint and things but you must be careful of this. Good on you for taking him down to the police station. My suggestion is to also have a chat with the arresting officer and discuss your concerns and views with him/her. Police are human too with children and they know kids do and say silly things. It won't hurt you to say what you have said here to them and get an understanding for yourself of what their view is and what the process is. They will be honest with you and tell you the facts even if they aren't what you want to hear.

FYI, my dad was a police officer and I know for a fact that friends of his have had children do silly things like this. They will understand. Also remember to ask them again if any explanation they give you isn't clear to you. Don't feel intimidated or ashamed. Your son has made a mistake, he is now owning up to it and the consequences should be minor.

Sorry, rambling a bit now. Just remember to get them to explain everything to you before you give the statement including the why (even if you think you know why) and what will happen once he has given it. I wouldn't suggest you give the statement first and then ask the questions.

SofiaAmes · 25/04/2003 18:01

GET A SOLICITOR! It is important that your son not get anything on his record (including a caution) if possible. Although your son is a minor and anything that might end up on his record will be sealed, if he ever gets into trouble as an adult, they will unseal his record and it can have all sorts of implications for all sorts of things for the rest of his life. My dh has a criminal record (including youth convictions and cautions that we thought were insignificant and turned out not to be) that has caused no end of complications and heartache for us.

You can make your son pay for the solicitor, that should remind him to think twice about getting into a car with a drunk driver and lying to the police.

Rosiemum · 25/04/2003 19:14

Sorry to be pedantic but if his 'fibs' were to the police he has committed an offence - purjory. You must get a solicitor asap.

Gilli · 25/04/2003 21:23

worriedmum, something of an inside view here, hope it helps. It is very unlikely that your son will receive more than a ticking off, but he may receive a caution. The offence he has committed is allowing himself to be conveyed in a stolen car - not just lying to the police, and they are unlikely to let him off completely. A lot will depend on whether joyriding is a widespread problem in your area, or whether this is a one-off.

IMO, the best thing you can do for your son is to support him in facing up to the consequences of his misjudgement, so that he can put it behind him, learn from it and move on. In Youth Offending terms he needs to learn to 'think twice', to make better decisions for himself. If he feels that he can't do better in the future, or that you/your DH won't trust him from now on then he is less likely to take positive lessons from it. HIH

Original poster

worriedmum · 25/04/2003 21:25

I'm back having spent 4 hours at the police station, not a pleasant experience.

I have to say the arresting officer was extremely kind and was determined to give my son the best possible chance of getting off lightly.

He said that he had done the best thing, coming clean and as such there was no charge to answer to. However, he was arrested, details taken in the custody suite and tapes made of the interview. I did ask if I needed a solicitor and was told it was up to me, they couldn't advise. The officer said to me that he felt that all he would get would be a bing, but I could stop the events at any time and ask for one. He was very good with his questionning, just wanted the truth, which my son told.

He was fingerprinted, dna sample taken and photgraphed. The lady sargent who read us everything was very nice. They both felt as though he was just gullible kid( probably a public school twit as he was in uniform) who had been led astray.

It was referred to an inspector who decided that he should have a final warning, so he has been bailed until 3rd May when he has to meet the Youth Offenders Team and get a telling off from a senior officer.

As far as they are concerned that is the end of it, but very serious implications for the other two who are involved with the crashing and leaving the scene of an accident.

Thank you so much for your support and swift responses, I am so sorry that I didn't get time to read them before I had to go, but I know that I had your support in a cyber way.

Rosiemum, I understand what you say, but he wasn't under oath when he told the lies, the police also knew he was telling lies and wanted to give him every opportunity to come clean. I have to say at the moment I think he was treated very leniently, nonetheless, a very scary experience and on that has scared the S**t out of my son. They kept us in an interview room most of the time, he was not put in a cell, but they did show him where he should have been. They siad that they were trying to make an unplesant experience as pleasant as possible, as far as these things can be.

My son has been grounded since this happened and is now grounded until after his GCSE's. I hope he has learned a lesson, he did apologise to the police office while I was out of the room, so when I reminded him on leaving of "what do you have to say" the officer said, he has already expressed his deep regret and apologies, so there is someone nice in there after all!

Ds does realise that inncent people could have been injured/killed and keeps thinking that the lampost the boys demolished could have been a person. He was also visibly shaken by the Police watch prog the other night which featured joyriders and the consequences.

Thanks again everybody

OP posts:

Ghosty · 25/04/2003 21:35

worried mum ... I have tears in my eyes reading your last post ... all I can see is a scared kid in his school uniform (looking about 4 years old in your eyes) shivering in the interview room ...
I think you did totally the right thing and I hope that if my 3 year old ever gets into any kind of trouble when he is older that I will have the sense to do the same as you.
You have made him face the consequences of his actions ... and yet you seem to have shown him that you are on his side ... You are an example to us all ... Good on you ...
(I want to be like you when I grow up!!! )

Original poster

worriedmum · 25/04/2003 22:20

Ghosty, thanks, you bought tears to my eyes from your posting. Yes, he was shivering in his school uniform, all 6ft and 42" of chest, a hooker and prop rugby player!

Yes. I told him I loved him, that I would always be there by his side, and that I had chosen to be there because I cared and that he is my son. I could have let him go through it on his own, I told him that, but that's what parents are for, the good and the bad and the positively shitty!

OP posts:

Scatterbrain · 30/04/2003 10:49

worriedmum, how horrible for you. I think you and your son did exactly the right thing - he'll certainly think twice next time. Well done - you should be a very proud mum now, both of yourself and of your son.

Big Hugs xxx

bubbly · 30/04/2003 10:52

worried mum-is it worth trying Citizens Advice Bureau. I believe their advice is free and or they may be able to recommend a reliable solicitor if you need one?
thinking of you

bubbly · 30/04/2003 10:55

Sorry posted to late to be useful but I think Ghosty speaks for us all.

alls · 21/10/2003 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Twinkie · 21/10/2003 08:35

Message withdrawn

eefs · 21/10/2003 08:56

def think it's a troll Twinkie. (not worriedmum)

Original poster

worriedmum · 21/10/2003 09:00

twinkie, thank you for adding to the support. DS got a final warning, we had to go back 2 weeks later on a Saturday morning for an hour and he had to go through a questionnaire to see if he was likely to reoffend. That would then go before the youth panel for them to make a decsision, but the Seargent said as far as he was concerned DS would not reoffend, he was nice lad from a good family, with good values and had been led astray.

I have to say the police were more intent on making sure he didn't get into trouble again, rather than meting out a punishment.

On reflection I think a final warning was quite harsh as the other boy who crashed the car had been drinking, had no insurance, left the scene of the accident, driving without a licence and taking the car without consent also only got a warning. DS was only a passenger for a short while and was not in the car when it crashed. The final warning stays on his file for 5 years.

About a week after it happened there was a report of a girl taking her fathers mercedes and crashing it and killing her friend, it showed a picture, DS son cut it out took it to show his friend and said this is what could have happened. It was a 4x4 and completely trashed, I think it shook him up.

We have also just lately in our town lost 2 teenagers who have been killed when out with friends in a car and one had taken his dad's car, no licence. Such a sad loss of life. I always bring them to his attention just to give that gentle reminder of what happens so easily.

The policeman said it happens to the best of families, his own inspector had a son who also got into trouble with the police and had a warning too, that must have been embarassing!

Thanks again.

OP posts:

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