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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Parents of teenagers - tell me what you wish you'd done more of when they younger kids....

33 replies

Legacy · 08/05/2009 11:58

Mine are nearly 10 and 7, and I can feel the teen years approaching with the eldest.

Tell me what I should be enjoying most about this pre-teen age, so I can do lots of it now, and won't look back wistfully in 5-6 years time...

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 08/05/2009 12:05

Pond-dipping, walks, museums...all the non-cool things that they may be reluctant to do when they get older (although mine still like them when forced and there's no friends to find out ).

I am lucky in that they are still amenable to a lot of the things they liked when younger but that is partly because I still have a 6yr old I suppose.

But you are right to be aware. Because my god it flies past It just takes your breath away how fast it goes.

potoftea · 08/05/2009 12:06

I don't really have any stuff I wish I'd done. But with mine now all teenagers, what I miss is having no one to go to the kids movies with, or watch a disney dvd with.

So I wish I'd appreciated that more, or maybe found the money to go to the cinema more often.

Original poster

Legacy · 08/05/2009 12:13

Hmm - yes - my DS1 is at an age where he's great company to take to drama events/ music concerts (family ones etc) and museums... we just chat about everything.
At the moment he still thinks that if he has a 'gap' year after finishing school that I'm going to come travelling with him but I fear that idea will change!

OP posts:

themoon66 · 08/05/2009 12:19

I wish I'd taken more, much more, time off work in the summer holidays, instead of using kids clubs.

southeastastra · 08/05/2009 12:20

swimming

Original poster

Legacy · 08/05/2009 12:28

themoon - what would you have done with them in the school holidays - lots of day trips or going away or what?

I'm lucky in that I work quite flexibly (self-employed) so could do some of this stuff.

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sanae · 08/05/2009 12:32

Great post, I feel the same. Mine are 11(senior school looming September), 10 and 8. When they are older I think I will miss:
enormous bedtime cuddles
snuggling up on sofa to watch film on TV/Dr Who etc
gazing at them when they are asleep and thinking how gorgeous they are
watching them run through woods/fields when on family walks (not that they ever want to go on walks but at least I can force it at this stage)
I want to create great memories for us all. At the moment I am trying to take them swimming more and go on more walks/bike rides - but I'm not sure that this isn't my agenda rather than theirs.

sanae · 08/05/2009 12:34

missed off bedtime stories - I still try to do this with them but sadly becoming less frequent

Original poster

Legacy · 08/05/2009 12:37

Sanae - aah - but don't you find that when you say you're going for a walk there are grumbles all round, but as soon as you're out there in the woods they're all like mad puppies chasing around with sticks and stirring mud.

I can't believe how much we all laughed the other day when we spent the best part of an hour covertly sticking that 'sticky' plant onto DH's back...

OP posts:

sanae · 08/05/2009 12:40

so true, sounds like our walk this bank holiday. Also had fun walking through a very muddy patch, and then kids very excited when they found someone had bought chocolate bon bons on the walk. I love it!

themoon66 · 08/05/2009 12:45

What would I do??

Well, I'd do more of the bundling into the car if the sun shines and just 'going'. Beaches, woodlands, wherever.

My best (but few) memories are empty beaches, sand dunes and DS happily digging holes and filling them with sea water from his bucket. Then fish and chips for tea, before driving home with sleeping, filthy, sand in their hair, DC in the back.

My best memory of all was when we took 3 weeks off work and drove through France, staying in campsites. We finished up over the Spanish border in a lovely campsite and the sun shone for the whole three weeks.

Am fillin up ere

Sherbert37 · 08/05/2009 12:51

Get a camcorder and capture the memories. Did not have one and now they are too cool to be videoed. Still have a very cuddly DS aged 16 though, so am lucky.

Also, spent more time with them doing more complicated crafts. Was watching Kirsty last night and realised I used to do all those things, including lacemaking, candle making, patchwork. I was lucky to have a grandma around the corner and there wasn't much else to do. I was making my own clothes and knitting jumpers by DD's age (14). I can't imagine where I would find the time to teach her.

sanae · 08/05/2009 13:51

Do they remember the family holidays? - we haven't been on many through lack of funds - but they do remember the one ski holiday we went on. At the moment I have chosen to spend the money so they can do their weekly activities and have a good time throughout the year rather than save and have a big family holiday, but wonder whether i will regret this later.

Original poster

Legacy · 08/05/2009 13:53

Our kids seem to remember the family holidays as DH & I seem to 'chill out' a bit more get drunk relax, and do more silly and fun things with them!

During the school holidays at home there always seem to be chores to get back to at home

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Danceaway · 08/05/2009 13:58

OMG your post makes me so sad. I have 2 dds only 3 and 5 but already thinking about them growing up!! Watched mamma mia for 1st time with dds yest, and bit where mum is brushing daughters hair before she goes off to get married made me cry heaps. Am not normally at all stroppy but dd1 took it in her stride and squeezed my hand! Kids eh.

Danceaway · 08/05/2009 13:59

oops soppy not stroppy. I can often be stroppy

fircone · 08/05/2009 14:01

Sniff, lump in throat at this thread.

I look at the dcs and want to shout "Stop the clock!". Ds is off to secondary school in September and although he is still a baby, I know in the blink of an eye I'll be looking at Kevin the Teenager.

At the moment I am making the most of cuddles, watching television/films together, and having a mate who likes going out with me to the shops/museums/walks (agree that walks are never a popular suggestion!).

It always makes me sad when old ladies stop me and say, "Make the most of them at this age, they'll soon be gone" when the dcs are being (uncharacteristically!) angelic. Boo hoo!

SparkleMotion · 08/05/2009 14:04

oh Legacy, I could have posted this. Mine are 11 and a half and 8 and a half. And they are just wonderful and lovely and funny and smart and affectionate and good company, and I wonder how much longer this will continue for.....

It wasn't always thus either. They have both had me cryng in the wee hours at other points in their childhoods, what with social problems and school problems and toddler tantrums etc.

I really want to slow this train down and savour every second of the journey, but I know it is all speeding up.

Fennel · 08/05/2009 14:10

Mine (all primary age) will go on walks enthusiastically if you don't call them walks. Call it Treasure Hunt/Picnic/Going into the Woods etc.

Or, current family favourite, camping wild. We load them all up with overnight backpacks, head off onto the local moor, camp by a stream, and come back in the morning. They don't even notice they've been carrying heavyish rucksacks on a walk then.

I feel as though these primary years are a bit of a parental heyday too, though my oldest, 9yo, seems young for her age, not at all teenagery. But it can't last, the age when they all think you are wonderful and cool and love spending time with you.

friendly · 08/05/2009 14:42

I was out in town a few months ago with one of my ds's (5). He was driving me slightly crazy chatting on while I was trying to pay a shop assistant. She looked at us rather wistfully and sadly and said "My son used to be like that and now he's a 16 he hardly talks to me at all." I promised myself there and then that I would really try to be more patient and listen properly to his endless chat! Fail miserably often but I do remember that woman and think how quickly time flies when they are little.

I wish I didn't always seem to have so much to do and just had a bit more 'time' to spend with my kids to just enjoy them and live. Simple things which cost nothing at all or very little. Going to the beach with a rug and a packed of biscuits. Walk in the woods, I wish dh would camp because my kids love camping.

ajandjjmum · 08/05/2009 14:48

Write down the funny things they say and do!

notsoclever · 08/05/2009 16:34

My dds are 21 and 16 and the best things are the things that we remember as a family - holidays, trips out and the things that have become family jokes (like dp breaking an egg on dd2's head, dp showing off and falling over, me falling off the end of a slide, a meal out where the breadcrumb coated mushrooms had no mushrooms in them, the spanish holiday where we accidentally ordered 5 plates of olives during one meal,the traditional Easter competition to buy the best present for £1, the holiday where I was trying to make couscous but had bought semolina by mistake....

Doesn't have to be huge events - just keep talking about them and develop family folklore.

So if your dcs are young now then spend more time enjoying things with them, laugh at things that go wrong rather than getting cross with them, and spend less time cleaning. No teenagers I know remember whether there was any dust on the bookshelves!

Mumwhensdinnerready · 08/05/2009 17:04

I look at 7 to 11 as the golden years. Mine are 11 and 13 an still wonderful but we've already lost many of the things mentioned here.
Hugs. Yes they are still affectionate in private but I sense the move from them needing a hug to me needing one. I still get a goodnight kiss but it's not the same as those long bedtime stories and cuddles.
Met DS1 on his way home from school today and inside I wanted him to fling his arms around me like he used to. Instead I had to keep my hands to myself and be content with "hello did you have a nice day?".

Original poster

Legacy · 09/05/2009 16:48

Some lovely ideas here

Have just made some cookies with DS1 and was telling him that "he needs to learn to cook for when he leaves home" to which he replied, "why would I ever want to leave home, Mummy?"

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Slickbird · 09/05/2009 22:01

Oh God, I'm in tears reading this! I've got an 8 year old, a 20 month old and a 2 month old and I love them all dearly but again struggle with time for the oldest one because of the two wee ones needing so much attention. The 8 year old is already acting like a teenager and I am truely dreading the teenage years. She's so lively, vivacious and exhuasting energetic, and she's very clever, but I find her really demanding and frustrating and DH and I constantly have to keep ourselves in check for losing patience and shouting at her. So often she is like a dog with a bone and always seems to be after something. We're trying to turn her into a well-adjusted, balanced and thoughtful person, but my God, she can really push us to the limit. I am conscious of the time she doesn't get and she is due for an 'Eilidh and Mummy day' where we go off and do stuff together.

I just often wonder if she will turn into a sulky monosilabic teenager and I will pine for these years even tho she can drive me crazy!!! (And there's still another two coming up behind her! )

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