Age difference in this potential relationship, any advice welcome.

[Remotew]

DD has just turned 15 and hasn't had a bf before. Mainly due to the fact that she doesn't put herself out there iyswim.

She has met a boy through an interest. He is 19 and from what I can gather (and without giving too much away) is someone with a responsible career ahead of him and will be away from the area most of the time.

The have socialised together with a group of friends but there is lots of furious texting and she is very excited atm. He is making it clear that he is interested in her so I think a date will be imminent.

Whilst I'm happy for her as most of her peers have been dating for a while and it hasn't happened for her yet. I feel a little uneasy that I should be less liberal. What do others think? Just wanted some advice really. Should I just let her go with the flow or is he too old for her?

She is a girl with her head screwed on.

i would be uneasy too tbh

i havent had to face it yet though as the only bf dd1 has had was a summer romance and he was the same age

i would be concerned that there would be a possibility of an unexperienced 15 yr old being overly flattered and impressed by the fact they have an older more mature 19 yr old showing them attention, and may be swayed by the headiness of it and do something they later regret

i was much more mature than my dd at the same age, so it's hard to know what to advise really, aside from keep a close eye and see how it develops?

The problem is not the age difference as such, is it; it's the fact that she is still a child and he is an adult. In a few years, that would be a perfectly normal average age difference for a couple.

I would have a chat with her about this- as relaxed as possible- and point out some of the implications.

I've advised her that there isn't a problem with them being friends but it shouldn't go any further. She has said she wants to wait until she is 16, she isn't ready for anything else.

I'm keeping an close eye on developments without looking nosey.

She is enjoying the attention. He's going away soon so danger over for now.

Hi Abouteve, but what is the boy like? Is he caring, nice, mature? What do you think his experiences might be? My dd is 16 this year and has had just two bfs and both were her own age - I was really worried - but they didn't last very long (a couple of weeks), they bored her on an intellectual level.

It's a difficult one.

What are the 'boy's' expectations?

If you put your foot down and say no then we all know that will just make it more appealing to them both.

However, how much in common can a 15year old and a nineteen year old have? For example, the boy can't take your daughter to a pub/club nor can they go watch an 18 film at the cinema. If I was you I would not be keen on them spending time alone out in a car when you would have no control over where they were.

(It's like Cory said...the difference between an adult and a child).

So you could invite the boy to your house, cook a couple of family meals and then all sit around and chat for a couple of hours. Should be enough to bore any normal red blooded 19 year old and hopefully let the friendship run it's course without too many dramas.

(But I speak as a mum of a nine year old, closest I get to teenagers is my nephew who eats me out of house and home!).

I put my foot down after he invited her for a day out in the car. She didn't even protest . The furious texting has died down so think he has realised the restrictions in dating a younger girl.

DD is very mature for her age but totally inexperienced with boys, more so than other girls her age, however, I can see she will get on better with older boys.

Tricky one, I expected to have to face the dating stuff earlier. As it's been pointed out at 19 he is an adult so a different issue than a 15 year old boy even though we are all aware that two 15 years olds are just as likely, if not more likely, to be having sex as an older boy would be with a 15 year old girl.

Abouteve, is it petering out already? Have you met him? This is probably awful, but I've made it clear to my DD that for a boy to have sex with her is actually breaking the law and there could be trouble!

You DD sounds like she know what she [doesn't] want which is good. And yes, I could see my DD with an older boy, but she's not had any boyfriends for a long time now. She's been holed up in her room msning revising for her exams.

Hope all is well.

Yes all is OK. I've told DD the legalities also. She has been secretive about it all but I do know he gone away. See what happens when he returns.

Far better to concentrate on revising at this stage.

I'd be wary. Last year I met my first BF. I was 18, he was 28. Bad, bad idea and the biggest regret of my life so far. Nothing in common, he wanted to go further than me, wanted me to go back to his etc. He also had anger issues and was a compulsive liar, so it ended. He dumped me by voicemail, shows what he was like I suppose.

But at 18, you were an adult, Lollipop. All right, so this particular man was bad for you, but that doesn't say that all men who are 10 years older than an adult woman are going to be bad, have anger issues, be a compulsive liar etc, or that there is anything in this particular age difference to make it more likely.

It's quite a normal age difference for grown-ups.

Only problem I see is that the OPs dd is not grown-up.

True, very true cory. I do agree, there's 5 years between my grandparents, so it is normal, and yes, the OP's dd isn't grown up (although goodness knows I thought I was at 15!) Who knows, maybe after he's been away, the friendship will remain just that.