Bingeing ds (12) hiding food in his room

[neverwasswedishanyway]

I've just done totally the wrong thing - really shouted at ds. Found his sister's rucksack in his room with an icing sugar packet, an empty packet of uncooked gingerbread dough (that was in the freezer) and a tub of hot choc powder - I KNEW we had one but couldn't find it. Judging by the disgusting bowl in there too it's been there a while. In his blazer pocket I found writing icing and a pair of worn socks.

He does loads of exercise, I feed my children healthy food but he's overweight. This is obviously why.

I know my reaction was totally wrong. Any advice please? He's upset (obviously embarrassed) and has gone to sleep now. Dh doesn't know - been working away and on his way home now.

Please help!

It's all sweet stuff isn't it? Is he drinking alot?

talk to him. not in a cross way, in a "i want to help" way.
boys do suffer from eating disorders too, and if he is hiding food and bingeing on it in secret then i'd say that this is at the very least developing into one.

do you have a sympathetic GP you could talk to>

I haven't noticed him drinking a huge amount - certainly not lacking in energy or going to the loo a lot. Will keep an eye on that.
GP retires on Sat unfortunately. He's got lots of counselling skills. Ds is aware of his weight but does football, hockey, cycling and is always on the trampoline or his bike. His sisters are slim. I've been on a low key diet since Jan and lost a couple of dress sizes but not in a neurotic way. Dh eats too much and jokes about it.

I feel horrid now - I'm tired (only been back at work a couple of weeks) and came in late from a meeting. It was just so disgusting - all that manky old food right by his bed.

You do need to appologise. Try and work out if there's something that's going on at school or if there's something bothering him.
Binge eating is usually a control thing because people are unable to control something in their life. You need to chat to him and try to work out what's behind this.
I'd stop buying sugary things as this appears to be what he's binging on.

Oh yes, he's also dyslexic, in Y7 at a selective school. He's coping but I'm not too sure how well - he doesn't say a huge amount about lessons. His 2 older sisters are very bright and probably a bit much to live up to. He's great with his little sis (5).

Your next step is to pop in and talk to his class teacher or his tutor. Have a look in his books first though as you can often judge how things are going academically by looking through them.
He's got alot to live up to if he's got 2 bright sisters. Is there anything he can do outside school to boost his moral? Fencing is a good sport for boys, it's all about control.

Thanks, I know FluffyBunny - there doesn't seem to be a quiet time round here. Almost tempted to keep him off tomorrow - dh and I are both home.

Will have a cupboard clearout just for now - it would also explain where my secret stash of Easter eggs went. Most of the things he's taken are ingredients.

He's got a friend who often stays over / ds stays there at the weekend (we live in the sticks so dcs often have friends over or stay with friends) - I'm tempted to keep just ds around for a bit with no friends staying to keep an eye on him but don't want it to seem a punishment. What do you think?

men and eds

ed info

No, do it gradually so he doesn't think it's him. The chances are he'll bring things home with him so watch this aswell. If he's happy with friends coming over then stick with this. There's no harm in taking him to school a little later so you can have a chat with him, the 'is there anything you are worried about', 'we're here for you', don't be blatent and come out with 'you've been hiding food. Why?', be more supportive then telling him off. Is there a school nurse you can get professional advice from? They are worth their weight in gold.

Thanks for the links giraffes. Will read more fully later.

I don't know if there's a school nurse - will check it out tomorrow. I do know one though. Ds is so lovely.

They have a youth line too if he wants to talk to someone and an adult line for you. Also a message board for young people and one for psarents.

The paradoxical thing about binge eating is that it's not about the food. The food is a symptom of a problem rather than the problem itself. Or, more accurately, the food is a means for the person to avoid thinking about what's bothering them.

As well as B-Eat, another site about eating disorders that's well worth looking into is Something Fishy.

something fishy

Just correcting the link

Hi, sorry for gatecrashing, I have an overweight 12 yr old and it is just the comment about is he drinking a lot has got me wondering. Would this contribute to anything as DS could drink gallons of anything from water to coke!

Hi Cikecaka

I assumed Fluffy was talking about diabetes, as thirst is a symptom. Could be wrong - I was a bit wound up last night.

Talked to ds this morning and apologised for shouting/told him how much we love him etc. He was upset and says he knows he eats too much and doesn't mean too. We talked about how we need to talk more and deal with it, then he went to school. He's at scouts now - went early to play football. No danger of buying food there - no shops!!