Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Need advice quite long

42 replies

noddyholder · 24/04/2009 20:54

About boundaries for 15 yr old bot going out times getting home how much freedom etc.Ds is 15 lovely boy lovely friends no trouble at all.he has been to a few parties where we pick him up etc.tonight he wanted to go to a freinds til midnight just to watch dvds etc.I said ok and dad will pick you up.he wanted to get a cab I said no it descended into huge row.he has gone and dp will pick him up but i think we need to set some rules now as things are changing and if i'm honest some of his friends a lot freer than him but also a lot more together in many ways too!he says we are over protective but I am more worried about something happening en route rather than drink drugs etc.i know they will prob have some cider and prob smoke but I do need to chill.How do you know when its safe to let them go?We do all the ferrying around as the otehr parents seem to have let go a bit now

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 24/04/2009 22:51

I wasn't saying that in reply to your post noddyholder-but some do in my area.They are also really protective until about 13/14 and then suddenly they give too much freedom IMO. I think that 15yrs is too young to be at parties of people that you don't know, with them telling you they are perfectly OK and they will find their own way home in the early hours!

Original poster

noddyholder · 24/04/2009 22:53

He has just phoned and said can his dad come and get him.he wants to come home he really enjoyed it but has had enough and thanks for letting him go.I feel a right old bag now but I have visions of him face down in a pile of sick so have been saved for another day xxxthanks all for putting up with me

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 24/04/2009 22:55

That is why I give more freedom earlier mumonthenet-so that they can make their own judgements and deal with the unexpected. I still have rules in place when they get to 15yrs. It causes a few rows, but then we reach a compromise that we can all live with.

Saint2shoes · 24/04/2009 22:56

aww noddy what a nice lad

piscesmoon · 24/04/2009 22:56

A good outcome noddyholder. I think at that age they like the security of a few boundries.

piscesmoon · 24/04/2009 22:57

I would agree-he sounds a nice lad-I wouldn't worry too much.

Original poster

noddyholder · 24/04/2009 22:59

Thanks I really was worried Dp couldn't get his coat on quick enough!

OP posts:

mumonthenet · 24/04/2009 23:02

Noddy, am so glad he's on his way home and you can relax. But the fact that you let him go and that he was able to make his own judgement (i.e. come home early) will give you great credibility for the next time you need to set a boundary. And also a great experience for him to know that late night rave ups might not be that much fun after all!!!

pisces I think we're all agreeing with each other...

it's so hard giving them some freedom but also the boundaries. and yes I agree with you at 15 they still need them. I am only now starting to relax ( well, to tell myself to relax) with dd who's 17 because she's shown herself to be fairly sensible. However I'm still conscious that she is vulnerable, and am still half awake when she comes in.

Original poster

noddyholder · 24/04/2009 23:06

It feels good that he made the choice and we didn't have to go hunting for him at midnight I can go to bed and read now

OP posts:

mumonthenet · 24/04/2009 23:11

sleep well noddy and pisces and all.

MABS · 25/04/2009 21:44

my 14 yr old dd is out at a under 18 club nite tnight,dh picking up at 10.15,have been v concerned most of eve..........

piscesmoon · 25/04/2009 22:35

It is the bit that I hate most about parenting!

Original poster

noddyholder · 26/04/2009 08:36

Mabs its a nightmare isn't it!Ds went to another'do' sat evening but it was a bbq at a house up the road and we know the parents so easier.

OP posts:

MABS · 26/04/2009 10:04

i agree, don't like it at all

kiddiz · 26/04/2009 10:24

I got a lecture yesterday from my 18 yr old ds about going out without my mobile and not leaving a note to let him know where I was! He'd come home from work to an empty house. Karma

LaineyW · 28/04/2009 11:21

MABS, my DD1 (now 16) went to a couple of those under-18 club nights and I was frantic the first time. A friend drove them there (it was 30 miles away!) and we picked up. Needn't have worried though, if yours is anything like this one, they are pretty much frisked before going in (to the extent of having their mouths checked for gum and/or hidden drugs I guess). There was no way they could have smuggled in any booze and the whole night was so strictly regulated it was unbelievable. When she went the second time I wasn't fazed at all, just relieved. She only went twice though, it probably wasn't dangerous enough for her!

ajandjjmum · 29/04/2009 11:02

We're mums - we'll never really get used to them having freedom.

Ds is now 17 and meets up with his mixed group of friends for a night every 2 or 3 weeks, and they normally stay at someone's house. I always get him to text me when he gets to where he's staying, and I always text back - even at 4 in the morning! Fortunately, I can always drop off back to sleep very quickly.

The only time he's been really stupid was when dd went out with them for the first time, and we were picking him up!!

Flip

1 2