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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Just found my 12 yr old dd's stash of shoplifted earings!!

39 replies

babalon · 13/04/2009 11:40

I've suspected in the past the dd has taken sweets from thge shop on the way home from school but never had any proof she said a friend brought it etc.

I've just been tidying her room and found all her writing notlets out of there box so went to put them back in ans found nearly £100 pounds worth of earring from claires! DD doesn't even have her ear peirced.

I've been letting her go up town during over the last month with her friends I suspect the friend have been doing it too.

DD is at my parents house and I need to figure out how to handle this before I pick her up

OP posts:

LastOrders · 14/04/2009 13:16

Definately make her take them back with you.

Never mind saying that they have a photo etc.

Ypu said she wasn't that bothered after the telling off - she soon will be when shes made to go into Claires to hand them all back.

I don't believe in humiliating children, but I do believe in all actions having a consequence.

Show her now that you mean business before the crimes get worse.

LastOrders · 14/04/2009 13:19

Also, I was mates with a girl who shoplifted (not me, I was good!).

She was so blase about it, until she got hauled into the managers office and the police called.

The shock was enough for us both to give the city centre a wide berth.

lljkk · 14/04/2009 13:21

It's not humiliating her, it's just facing the people she harmed. She doesn't have to talk to them or even look them in the eyes, just has to know that they KNOW she did it.

Original poster

babalon · 14/04/2009 13:26

I think your right actually, like I said a wish she had got caught it would be easier then so what ever happens to her will be deserved.

Like someone said if she's doing this a 12 was will it be as she gets older.

Going to try and get hold of the community officer now.

OP posts:

LastOrders · 14/04/2009 13:32

Short Sharp Shock, never did me any harm, what what!

Good luck

nappyaddict · 15/04/2009 00:26

She definitely needs to go with you when you take them back.

Tortington · 15/04/2009 00:38

i'd take her to the police station.

in truth they will probably give you a wink and frighten her with big policemen shouting in an interview room.

i did this to my son - he was about 8 - he found a watch so we took it into the policestation and i told them that my son said he found the watch and i wasn't sure

so they read him the riot act and i later told him that the way the law works means that he gets three chances to be in trouble with the police before he goes to prison - he believed me right up until about 2 years ago.

he then got took in becuase he accientally broke a window with a ball ( he paid for it) he waited for the police to arrive and everything.

so he really behaved himself becuase through unfortunate circumstance, he had been 'in trouble' with the police twice in his life and he thought one more time and he was off to some dickensien prison.

its all a complete fabrication of course.

anyway - yes, i would take her to police station - actions have consequences - its not like she is going to juvie or anything.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 15/04/2009 08:52

I have to say that I really think you are doing her no favours by taking the earrings back to the shop and lying to her about a photo.

She has to face the consequences of her actions, otherwise how will she learn? She didn't seem entirely bothered when found out, so she can't go to Claires, there are plenty of other shops.

SammyK · 20/04/2009 10:27

I would take her into the shop with me, if it's in a shopping centre even better as less shops she will dare to show her face in. I would call the shop before hand and explain you have asked community bobby to talk to your DD too so they know you are handling the situation. Stick to your grounding, don't give in part way through it.

I used to shoplift aged about 14 along with drinking, smoking joints, and ahem other things. It was a cry for attention which I didn't get, it just showed me sadly that no one gave a stuff but I digress. . .

Could your DD not give you a reason why? Does she want her ears pierced? Do all her peers have pierced ears? I ask as they are all earrings! I used to knick a variety of things similar to frogs , so the specifics here may give you a clue.

becstarlitsea · 20/04/2009 10:43

I agree with others that she needs to come to Claire's with you and be confronted with the reality of what she's done. Definitely don't lie about anything to her - you need to be modelling honesty yourself (not that I'm saying that it's your fault at all, just that in this situation it's especially important that you yourself behave with total honesty or she will get mixed messages.)

It is also worth counting any spare change you have in the house and anything in your wallet. Stealing is quite addictive, and since she stole things which she had no practical use for and can't explain why, it might be compulsive behaviour which needs addressing slightly differently than rebellious behaviour. Write down notes of what you have in the house (eg 30p in change pot in kitchen, £22.30 in my purse, etc). Keep checking that the tallies match. Don't tell her you're doing it or she'll just steal elsewhere. If some of the money goes missing, talk to her again. If nothing goes missing, then you know she's just learnt her lesson and all is well. But if it's a compulsion it might not just be a matter of 'short sharp shocks' and learning lessons, it might be that there is an anxiety causing addictive stealing behaviour which you need to get to the bottom of.

curlygirl4 · 24/04/2009 13:24

Hi l'm new to this and was looking for advice on this my 13year old is stealing money from other members of the family and we have given her the talk about it but she doesn't seem to care.
None of my other children did it !

KingCanuteIAm · 24/04/2009 13:30

Hi Curlygirl4! You will probably get more responses if you start a new thread of your own so people realise there is someone else wanting some help! (Click on Teenagers at the top of this thread and then "start a new conversation in this topic").

Sorry I cannot offer any advice myself but there are some good ideas on this thread already. Hope you manage to get something sorted out.

KingCanuteIAm · 24/04/2009 13:30

Oh, sorry, meant to add, Welcome to Mumsnet

TheProvincialLady · 24/04/2009 13:37

If you effectively take the shame of having to own up to your DD's crime - which it is, let's not pussyfoot - then you are doing her no favours. You are teaching her that mum will always sort out her problems for her and that she doesn't have to apologise.

If I were you I would take this as a grand opportunity for a shock, and an introduction to the real world. Take her to the shop to return the goods and apologise and tell her that next time you will be taking her straight to the police. And mean it.

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