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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

feel sick that I have to leave 12 year old alone in holidays and inset day in two weeks.

33 replies

AMAZINWOMAN · 11/04/2009 16:07

There is no childcare here at all. I have checked and double checked with my local council authority and there isn't anything really for my son.

They do offer a few hours here and there eg swimming, climbing wall etc but as my son isn't sporty at all he doesn't want to go.

I work part time (over 3 full days).

I feel OK about leaving him for a few hours, but not a whole day. i think it's too long for him. However, my son isn't bothered. (he'd play online games all day!)

Can't give my job up as I won't get job seekers allowance.-but I feel sick at the thought of leaving him all day.

I'm a widow with no family support. My son likes being at home but doesn't really have friends, so I can't ask their parents. That sounds sad doesn't it, but he's so passionate about life so I'm not worried he hasn't got loads of friends.

Inset day is the week after next.

OP posts:
FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 11/04/2009 16:08

Is there a neighbour that could help?

jugglingwoman · 11/04/2009 16:10

Can you go home in your lunch hour to see him or is he old/mature enough to come and meet you for lunch?

Would mean you could check in with him halfway through so it's only really/technically 2 half days he's on his own.

Original poster
AMAZINWOMAN · 11/04/2009 16:14

I live in a house which has been converted into flats. At the moment 3 are empty and the other one has an old, ill man. He is always in and out of hospital so I never see him. Seen him twice in a year.

It takes me 45 minutes to get to work. But i am hoping I get a job closer to home before the holidays.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 11/04/2009 16:16

Is there no one?Maybe someone on here could help you out in exchange for babysitting or something.i think 12 is very young tbh.

Original poster
AMAZINWOMAN · 11/04/2009 16:17

For inset day, I'm thinking of saying I have a doctors appointment and just phone up in the morning. If I arrive in work at about 11, it will help a bit. What do you think?

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 11/04/2009 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 11/04/2009 16:20

are there really no holiday clubs , most councils do one at sports centres or try YMCA. He may not enjoy it but needs must soemtimes. Presumably you cna take soem holdiay or coudl you do extar days during termtitme to take time off in lieu and only do one or two days a week in holidays?

sarah293 · 11/04/2009 16:22

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stitchtime · 11/04/2009 16:25

he will be perfectly fine.

tribpot · 11/04/2009 16:30

Could you work from home? or take a couple of half days?

cat64 · 11/04/2009 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
AMAZINWOMAN · 12/04/2009 07:25

Thanks, for all your supportive messages. He feels happy at the idea of staying home alone for the day so I probably am worrying. He is very practical and calm person anyway.

He's still my little boy though, he still likes his teddies.

Apparently it's a problem across the country. And there are other parents in my postion too.

Hopefully I'll get a job closer to home soon.

OP posts:
BonsoirAnna · 12/04/2009 07:31

Childcare for early teens is a big problem everywhere IMVHO. Here in France we have had to struggle with this for DSS1 and DSS2 - now they are nearly 14 and 12, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. But they, and their friends, have all been complicated to manage in the first couple of years of secondary school.

scienceteacher · 12/04/2009 07:49

When we have our inset next week, my 12 year old will not only be looking after herself at home, she will also be caring for her two younger sisters.

I give them ground rules - no cooking, no answering the phone unless it is preceeded by my special code, no answering the door, no going out the front, etc.

DH will probably (I haven't told him yet) go into work late and will pop home for lunch, and I will be back around 4pm.

tigermoth · 12/04/2009 09:11

I left my ds1 at home for a day when he was 12 - he was much happier with this than being the oldest one at children's playclubs.

If you want him to do stuff, can he get on a bus and go to the cinema or go for a swim nearby your work - perhaps then meet you at home time?

If he goes to bed late on your workdays, your son may not surface till mid morning, which cuts down the time he's up and alone.

ICANDOTHAT · 14/04/2009 14:57

Is there no way he could go with you ? Not sure if this would be practical ... maybe he could run some errands there too. I used to take my ds2 (aged 12) to my part time job in a school (he's holidays were much longer than state school hols). He was covered under their insurance as long as I was on the premises. Not always an option, I know.

pointydog · 14/04/2009 15:03

if he's a sensible boy and he's happy with it, then I wouldn't worry.

Be clear about the rules re not letting anyone in, locking the door etc

optimisticmumma · 16/04/2009 16:06

Agree with ICANDOTHAT. Is it possible for him to go with you even for just a day? Most employers would be reasonable if asked, I'm sure. He could take stuff to do etc. If not I'm sure he will be fine and it will be you that does all the worrying!!

IfAtFirstYouDontSucceed · 16/04/2009 16:16

I also work part time and occasionally I have to leave DS (12) and DD1 (10) at home alone. It is only usually for an hour or two.

They are sensible and we have some ground rules, e.g no cooking, answering the door, phone calls etc.

I am anxious when I know they are home alone, but they are fine, enjoy a bit of time on their own and it seems to have worked well so far.

Doesn't stop you from worrying though.

KatyMac · 16/04/2009 16:22

I'm surprised you can't find a childminder to have him - I often have children of this age come & 'help' me with the babies because in the holidays it's such hard work

StewieGriffinsMom · 16/04/2009 16:29

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mosschops30 · 16/04/2009 16:33

I have left dd on her own during holidays (not weeks, but like you work 3 days and she stays at home).

She actually loves it, she gets up when she wants, sits in her dressing gown watching hannah montanna or some such shite, then on the computer, eats what she wants for lunch (but knows not to use the cooker) and then is positively miserable when I get home

She has work numbers for me and dh, our mobiles, neighbours numbers and in-laws about 10 minutes away.

I think the independence does her good and if she didnt enjoy it Id have to find something else, but she'd kill me if I did.

OrmIrian · 16/04/2009 16:35

It is a problem for children of that age. Holidays schemes (the sensible ones that actually cover the whole day not just start at 10 and end at 3 ) don't want anyone over the age of 11 IME, CMs and nurseries don't cater for them. The only thing I've found for my eldest are outward bound centres that take them all day but they are so expensive and you tend to need to book an entire week.

he will be fine though. Mine wouldn't bat an eyelid TBH. As long as he can contact you when he needs to. Please don't worry.

Where are you? You might be near a helpful MNer. My Dh is free all the holidays I'm sure he'd love another one!

mosschops30 · 16/04/2009 16:35

oh and am loving the people who suggest taking your kids to work for a day!!!

we dont all have nice little jobs that are flexible and accommodating

MrsMuddle · 16/04/2009 16:57

Mine are 13 and 14, but left them alone since they were 12. As you all say, there is no provision for over-12s, but is it a huge problem?

If there was a demand, I'm sure there would be provision. I think a 12 year old is more than able to look after themselves for a day. As long as they know what to do in an emergency, they should be grown up and independent enough at 12 to be left alone.

If my colleagues brought their 12 year olds to work with them for a day, I would be very