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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

teen boys and friends

14 replies

flashpan · 09/04/2009 15:10

I'm struggling with ds (15). he seems happy with his own company although does seem to have friends at school. He rarely sees them out of school as lives some miles away from them but doesn't make effort to see them after school, holidays or weekends very much. Consequently he doesn't do much, has few hobbies (apart from gaming). He does meet his friends on line sometimes. He plays guitar and piano but on his own! We have tried to encourage him to have other hobbies but just not interested. He has always found it hard to maintain friendships but seems happy in his own way. is it just a phase or will he become more sociable in time? Or does he just not have friends who want to see him out of school?

OP posts:

cat64 · 09/04/2009 15:35

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Lilymaid · 09/04/2009 15:48

I wouldn't worry - this seems to be quite normal boy behaviour (there have been previous threads on this). My DSs have demonstrated similar traits - and DS2 (17), though popular, doesn't go out very often - but he does seem to chat/play games online with his friends.

christywhisty · 09/04/2009 15:50

My Ds 13 is the same.
School is a train journey away. He went through a difficult time when he started in yr7 and didn't want friends, but now he does seem to have friends at school and chats to them on facebook.

He goes out to scouts and a few other activities where he socialises but he doesn't seem to need to meet up with school friends.
He seems happy enough.

I spoke to another mum whose son was not at school locally and she said her son was the same.

BecauseImWoeufit · 09/04/2009 15:51

Just be glad that he's not out every night drinking, smoking and dabbling in drugs!

DS1 (17) is like this. But he has a social circle that is very consistent and solid. I'm very glad that he is happy to spend time at home as I suspect that soon things will change.

sarah293 · 09/04/2009 15:52

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Original poster

flashpan · 09/04/2009 16:54

thank you thank you. this all sounds reassuring and I am often accused of being a worrier! I am glad that he is not out drinking and worse (yet) and will probably regret ever wishing he went out more.

He is generally a sociable lad with us and does not lock himself in his room for hours like some although the number of grunts per day are increasing. He has a wicked sense of humour and probably just needs a bit more confidence to initiate stuff with friends. He did go through a rough patch in year 7 & 8 with other lads who were horrible to him. It really knocked his confidence but he is a lot better than he was socially - at least in school anyway.

OP posts:

2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 09/04/2009 16:59

ds was like this, he is 17 now and I think he is at the cinema with freinds, he was out yesterday as well. so hang on in there it will get better.

Mumwhensdinnerready · 09/04/2009 18:12

This one could be mine as well. Ds1 (13) is perfectly happy on his own or with family. I try to encourage him to have friends over,which needs planning as we live in a small village, but I reckon he wouldn't bother at all without my efforts. Like his dad actually, DH could be a hermit in another life.

bagsforlife · 09/04/2009 18:49

As others have said, be glad he is not in the park drinking vodka......lots of boys don't socialise at 13 like girls do, its not abnormal!

woeisme · 09/04/2009 23:39

Relax, my 15 year old was like this and is now at sixth form and has a great social life
I think with all the gaming they do 'chat' to one another so this is socialising at that age.
I find girls are so sociable at that age and they mature faster than boys so if you're not a confident, cock sure lad then you get a bit lost. I've found going to 6th form/ college evens things out.
DD argues that at 15 we were arguing with her to stay in, complaining about giving lifts & unsuitable plans while with ds we're forcing him to go out!
As others have said just be happy he's not a hellraiser

supersalstrawberry · 09/04/2009 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

christywhisty · 10/04/2009 12:32

"DD argues that at 15 we were arguing with her to stay in, complaining about giving lifts & unsuitable plans while with ds we're forcing him to go out!"

It's the same in our house LOL, DD 11 is always out with her friends and we have to say stay in occassionally, but spend a lot of time encouraging DS to go out

smudgethepuppydog · 11/04/2009 09:34

My 17 year old was like that all the way through his school life. Now he's in further education I am for ever running him to his girlfriend's house. He went to an impromptu cinema date with a gang of college friends the other day, a few weeks before that he went out for a meal with mates and next Saturday he's a party in a nearby village.

Two years ago if you'd have told me that my reclusive 15 year old was going to turn into a real social bod I'd have fallen over laughing...but he has.

piscesmoon · 11/04/2009 09:52

I think it is a teenage boy thing! My 17 yr old is like it, although he has very nice friends and will sometimes go out to a party or bowling or something, and spends a lot of time on computer games or playing his guitar. He is, hopefully, off to university in the autumn and has no worries and I am sure he will manage fine. His older brother was the same and one of the teachers said that she was worried about how he would cope away from home-he had a great time.
DS1 -the same until he got a sociable girlfriend when 17 and never looked back.
DS2-in all the time until he got a very sociable girlfriend when 17-we never see him these days!
DS3 is taking a bit longer (no girlfriend) but I expect he will get there.

My DS1 was like an only DC because the others were much younger and he used to go out if a friend called or phoned. I couldn't get him to initiate anything. He explained that if he initiated it he had to have the idea of what to do and it was all his responsibility to have a 'good time'.
I think they 'took off' when they had the sociable girlfriends who had no worries about initiating social contact!
DS3 is in now (still in bed)he won't contact anyone, but if the phone goes for him we may well get asked if we can give him a lift somewhere.If the phone doesn't go he will be in all evening aswell-alternatively he might stay the night with a friend! A bit more pre organisation would suit me better.

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