Housework and teenagers - are they compatible?

[WundaWuman]

Ok, so DD does not officially qualifiy as a teenager yet (12) but is becoming pretty unbearable in many ways already! Our latest battle is about helping out around the house. She throws a strop virtually every evening when asked to load the dishwasher, and that's as much as we can get out of her so often not worth the effort to ask (that's probably part of her plan)... and I wont even talk about the state of her room!

I just wondered if anyone had any tips? So far I have tried he following:

1. stopping pocket money if room not cleaned regularly (consequently she has not had any pocket money for 1 year and doesn;t seem to be bothered by this!)
2. not picking up her things from kitchen/lounge so dd2 (toddler with newly developed scribbling talents) can get hold of them - this is quite mean i know but STILL hasn;t done the trick!
3. suggesting 'fun' ways of helping out - eg cooking (i bought her a jamie Oliver cookbook for xmas)
4. Getting mad when she refuses to do specific things (not useful approach)

So, any ideas? Do your DCs do regular chores? Am I just expecting too much of her?

The eldest child I nanny for (14) is much better at helping with housework than she was at 12 or 13.
We wrote a chart with the things she needed to do (for example emptying her washing basket, bringing plates into the kitched from her room/TV room etc) and got her to tick things off.She was rewared when she did them.

With pocket money, do you buy things for her as she doesn't have any pocket money? We stopped giving her any money at all, she HAD to use her pocket money or go without.

As she has got older she is happy to help, and will do odd things without making a fuss and often on her own initiative. I also got her involved in other things - such as washing up at church - so other people would thank her for doing it and she was more willing to help at home.

Also, just remembered that for a while she went through a stage of not wanting to eat what I cooked for dinner. I gave her the option to eat what I made or cook something for herself, but clean up everything afterwards. She was allowed to do it again another day if she cleaned well enough.

HTH

I think, personally, that it is a mistake to let pre-teens' bedrooms get really messy and dirty. I blitz the DSSs' bedroom/bathroom fortnightly so that it is always clean and tidy and they know that if they leave stuff hanging around, it risks disappearing!

Jeffa - am at "bringing plates into kitchen from her room/TV room etc".

I have a similar approach to Anna I do my teens room every day and anything on the floor etc risks disappearing.

BonsoirAnna - Her parents have the theory that if she has her breakfast in her room she will be quicker in the mornings. So she often has a bowl/place/mug there.

OK - I can cope with "breakfast in bed" - we also do that in this family for reasons of expediency in the morning (and a freezing unheated kitchen!).

persevere

persevere

persevere

and then carry on persevering

my dd is 13 and does chores most days (most types of cleaning, dishwasher, mopping, tea-making etc) for pocket money of £10/week that she can spend how she likes (within reason)

we went through a bad patch a few months ago, she was very sloppy and untidy and not doing stuff thoroughly enough so the chores and money stopped for a while

but then she wanted an I-pod, so we started up the chores again

have been through a good sell recently but I really do have to nag, nag and nag again

I nag in my sleep!

*spell

very compatible if there is a mix of pocket money involved and items wanted.

But the pocket money suspension hasnot worked and it has been a full year! I thought this may (eventually) do the trick as she was quite money obsessed for a while. She does get some money (for birthday, vistiting rellies etc) which i don;t control.

There is no way that I am doing anything more than the floor in her room!

I think I will do a chart...

We found the chart helpful. Initially I did one for her sister (then aged 3) but she wanted one too. It helped her to see what was expected of her and to tick things off when they are done.

dont let dds room get a dump but SHE would

if very idle ( i puts clean stuff in laundry rather than hang up) then i retaliate by putting back in her room

sometimes i pick ALL stuff off floor and put it on her bed...

I am not WINNING the battle with teen dd but neither is she

boys are much cleaner ime

i do not and will not tidy up my teenagers rooms. Its there private space.

I did have to learn to be like this though and now i am er sort of okish with it.

I dont like the way they keep there rooms sometimes but then at other times they have it immaculate. They know that if they want their friends over they have to have their rooms tidied.

I do not consider it my role to clean up their mess they create in their rooms.

i found i was fed up with nagging them and expecting the room kept to my standards.

Best advice on that is shut the door and avoid going in there lol.

However thats their rooms. They have jobs they have to do around the rest of the house especially if they want to be given their mobile phone credit and pocket money.

Seems to have worked for me. Although given the choice they would do nothing.

This does seem to be a battle with most parents i know but i tell my dc that i am educating them and making sure they have the necessary life skills they will need when they eventually live alone in the big wide world.

I agree about the rooms..choose your battles and focus on their communal contribution.

Nagging is bad for everyone. I had lots of jobs to do as a child but I was always lectured at and nagged...and it was never good enough etc.

How about splitting their £10 pocket money into chunks that they have to earn from specific chores...if they dont do it...and you do it then you get the money...or if there are onther siblings....put a list of chores with rates up..and deadlines and minimum standards...so they can compete and sign up for whatever they want.

If money doesnt work then maybe the reward is doing their ususal favourite thing...eg football practice etc

Another way is to do things together...so maybe once a month..lets do the bedroom together....empty the dishwasher together etc