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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

embarrassing question for teen..

16 replies

Cynthia32 · 28/03/2009 00:01

Me and my dd were just having one of those 'talks' and she confessed she worries about 'doing things' with boys as she doesn't think her fanjo is 'normal.' She is 16 so I'm not too that she is doing 'things' with boys whatever it is she means by that! Basically, what I'm asking is should I send her to the doctor for a check up or do we think this is more of an issue of 'every fanjo is different' or should I ask her to be a bit more specific, if she can face the embarrassment!

OP posts:
SammyK · 28/03/2009 00:06

I had a puberty book with a general picture in, I recall checking in the mirror, seeing everything was in the right place and thinking nothing more of it

has a boy said something to her to make her feel self conscious maybe to hide his own lack of confidence/ability?

I think you are a great mum to try to handle this sensitively, she must really feel she can confide in you.
You could ask her in general, what she is worried is not normal down there..

Original poster
Cynthia32 · 28/03/2009 00:09

Yes I suspect a boy may have said something, although she won't tell me if they have. All she's said is everything seems to be 'bigger' than it should...

OP posts:
SammyK · 28/03/2009 00:14

Hmm.

He was probably all bravado and she has taken it in and started worrying. Is she confident enough to imply he may be smaller than he should be or am I being childish here?

Well, if she was all in proportion as a young child I think you can reassure her that everything is fine and he is a cretin. Do you have any books she can look at? Avoids her feeling embarassed in front of you.

Tortington · 28/03/2009 00:16

whats everything?

he should be more specific - does she mean labia? if so she needs to go see a nurse at your gps. nurses are often more smiley and understanding ime

Original poster
Cynthia32 · 28/03/2009 00:16

I don't, but there are websites I've heard about. Do you know any good puberty books though?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/03/2009 13:36

Is it possible that "some boy" has only had "experience" with still porn photos? Apparently it's not unusual to airbrush labia to look much "neater".

purepurple · 28/03/2009 13:41

TBH, haven't we all been there at some point in our teens?

or is it just me?
I am sure she is perfectly normal, and wouldn't send her to get checked or anything
imagine the embarrassment!

Hassled · 28/03/2009 13:44

Oh the poor kid - what a way to get a complex. Whatever twat boy made her doubt herself needs a slap.

I think if she was "normal" as a young girl she will still be "normal" now. I don't recall ever haing read anything about the size of labia in proportion to the rest of you changing with puberty. But I agree you need to get some books - or bite the bullet and google image (I can't believe I'm saying this) so she can see that there is a wide variation in women's genitalia and it is all normal.

BCNS · 28/03/2009 13:45

They all come in different shapes and sizes.. if she's really worried she could pop to the gp.. or have a look in the mirror and compare with realistic fanjos. But according to H there is a huge difference between women.

If it's a boy that has said something, it's vey likey that he has little or no experience with real women/teen girls.

She is very unlikey to look like porn stars tbh.

kentmumtj · 31/03/2009 09:19

how about encouraging your dd to watch the sed education show that is on er channel five at the moment they also have a website not sure fo the address but its channel five or is it four maybe.....??????

and its something like www.channelfour??five/sexexperience.com

i need to go look as i cant remeber the website .

i have seent he programme and they have very explicit pictures of vulvas. let her look and see.
She may realise she is completly normal and the boy was a complete jerk

kentmumtj · 31/03/2009 09:21

its channel four

EllieG · 31/03/2009 09:22

I'd echo about the channel 4 show - I caught it last night - was brill. Try and get lsat night's episode as was all about differently shaped fanjos

Remotew · 31/03/2009 13:30

I watched this and thought it was brilliant for teens. My DD is away and I'm dissapointed that she won't get chance to watch what is a frank, explicit but educational programme.

tatt · 31/03/2009 22:19

after watching the Channel 4 show I'm not surprised. Most male teenagers are getting their idea of "normal" from porn and porn "stars" are usually waxed and possibly surgically altered. The channel 4 show has a website which may help. sexperienceuk.channel4.com/sex-education

The programmes are very frank but very matter of fact with it and well worth watching.

ducknineteen · 31/03/2009 23:03

I remember seeing this on channel 4 a while back, it might be of some help.

www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/about/episodes/teen-bodies/
(sorry, useless at links)

tatt · 01/04/2009 08:17

shortened episodes of last year's shows are online and there are some pictures of normal female genitalia on one of them.

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