Have you ever grounded a 17 year old?

[jane9450]

Has this backfired ? Did it work? How can you punish a 17 year old for lying,lying and more lying?

Not giving them any money?

Has her phone paid for her but no pocket money,babysits regulary for pocket money.

to punish you deprive them of something they value so that they are very focussed on not getting that consequence again.

i wouldn't hesitate to ground near 16 year old and doubt that i would have a problem grounding 17 year old. It would depend if that was what would work. Atthe moment lack of phone and lack of computer/laptop are his worst case scenarios.

The phone would really hurt but its my way of keeping tabs on her.
I am ashamed of her behaviour,her constant lying is driving me insane,just thought I'd check with the school about an issue as have not been sleeping well due to worrying about it,and guess what another bunch of lies. Can someone have a 'lying disease?'
Her answer is everyone lies to cover their back or get them out of trouble,she says I 'investigate'her,well I have to now because of unwittingly finding out a few things.The lies are so well executed.
I think she needs to earn my trust.There have been too many incidents which end up with me and her arguing but me forgiving after a while thinking it must be all my fault.
When actually it is her who lies so much(one lie lasting several months and lots of sacrifices on my part ie lifts).Why do I feel like it is my fault?

Jane, I have so much sympathy for you. My 15 year old ds is in trouble at the moment and he 'refuses to be grounded'. He says that we cannot force him to stay in, which unfortunately is true.

He gets no money from us other than bus fare to school, he has a paperround which gives him £15 a week, I am at my wits end with him.

hi guys
its hard work with teenagers as i know only to well. so much easier i think when they are younger.

i have
DD 17
DD nearly 16
DD 11
DS 8

i have grounded my 17 yr old still to this day and she accepts it however i am very fortunate and lucky that i very very rarely need to do this as i have found sitting down and talking to her frequently about anything seems to prevent and major probs. On saying that she can have an attitutde and be very rude. When this happens i calmly tell her i will not speak to her or answer anything when she speaks to me in this manner.

if only my life was this plain sailing.
My DD15 well another story completly. She seems to lie constatnly as well. she drives me at times insane. i could not even begin to speak about the things she has done. ive tried to hlp her as have all the family i have even resorted to professional help.

its hard on a daily basis.
what i have found that seems to work is being consistant all the time. i have house rules for everyone. im firm but fair.
if she has been grounded in the past she has pushed this to sneaking out then to not coming home. She has had a few shocks as the police bring her home and i have even sent her to stay with relatives for very short periods as my other children were begining to suffer greatly.

teenagers seem to think they are so wise but often they are not.

the best advice i would give is talk be patient and calm, sit them down and tell them the house rules explain the consequences of doing something that is not acceptable so they know this in advance, when you do ground them explain the reasons behind why to them again.
prewarn them if necessary i had to prewarn my daughter a few times a week that if she did not attend school during the week she would be grounded and i stuck to this religiously.
when she pushed the boudaries so far and snuck out when grounded i told her i would remove something from her room and took her TV away then i took her hair straighteners. All she kept saying was i cant ground her i cant take her stuff away so i showed her that i could.
i would recommend that the stuff only be removed for a short period as you dont want them to think they have nothing left to lose.

and just keep talking

remove the use of pc or laptop
refuse to give lifts

Have told her she is grounded but all she says is she will leave home(as before for 5 days!).
Kentmum I would love to be able to talk to her but as I'm sure you've experienced all they do is shrug their shoulders/whatever attitude etc,I actually just want to scream at her but have a nine year old to consider who is very aware that her big sis is in trouble.
My life would be so much simpler if she were to move out.

jane9450 - is there a family member she could stay with for a short time? im thinking just to let everyone's tempers relax a while

I'm too embarrased to tell about all the lies she has told.And i'm sure she wouldnt hestitate to add to those lies by saying I've thrown her out!

i would say let her tell as many lies as she wanst to eventually the truths always come out.
If you do have family memebers who can help be honest with them, ask for their support and advice

having kids is hard work and lets be honest teenagers are another species entirely.

And to make things worse shes read this.
Must have left it open.

When i read the whole thread back it didnt seem too bad,i havent said anything that I wouldnt say to her face. But she has just thrown this back at me this morning.

Would like to think by reading this she would think a bit about her behaviour,but no she wants me to write her a letter so she can move out,to give to whichever place she has been to to find out about getting a place of her own,tricky with no job i should think.

I do feel for you.It's certainly not your fault. I have DS 15, 13, 12 so lots more teenage years to come! 15 & 13 yearolds are starting to push the boundaries.

I also have 2 older DSs and a DD in their 20s. DD was definately the hardest to cope with. I could always tell if the lads were lying, but DD could lie for england when it suited her. So could her friends. She was great until after GCSEs I thought we were
'friends'. Trouble started post 16. By then she knew it all, was an adult, and all we were required for was £s. Friends and her social life came first everything else second. She did have a partime job as well so cutting the money off had little effect, it just caused more resentment. Fortunately for us DD was desparate to escape to university so she kept up with school work.
She got good enough grades, but not the 3As she should have.

I'm sure the only way your DD can move out to a place of her own is if you provide the cash and act as guarantor for the rent. Even when she's 18 a landlord will want parent to be guarantor. Our student DC couldn't move into student houses unless we did this.

Just noticed you have a younger DC. We had the same problem. Trying to keep house calm & happy for little ones whilst coping with big sister. DD would come in at 2/3am making as much noise as possible. She didn't care that everyone else was trying to sleep. She would chat/laugh loudly,(with the friends she had just left), for an hour or more on her mobile before eventually going to bed. Come the next morning, the rest of us were making too much noise when she needed to sleep!

are you going to write her the letter???

to be honest she can present herself to homeless and they will offer mediation between both you and her as they do not want to offer a 17 year old a b&B which is more than likely what she would get.

SS will not entertain supporting her or placing her in accomodation as they already have to many care leavers to support.

Unfortuantly the reality of it is she has no where to live and she needs to realise this. I think all teenagers think there is some sort of hotel around the corner which will house them and give them money, freedom and life........... if only lol.

Maybe she needs to go to housing and see the stark reality of it.