Am I mad to consider this?

[MrsMuddle]

A bit of background. DS is in 3rd year and his friend (who I'll call X) is in 4th year.

We are in Scotland so chidren take standard grade exams at the end of 4th year (probably the equivalent to GCSEs), Highers (A levels) in 5th year, and can either stay on for a 6th year or go to uni / college whatever at the end of 5th year.

X's dad is a widower, and he also has a younger sister. His dad was recently made redundant and has been offered a fabulous job abroad that comes with places at a good international school for both of his DC.

However, X is adamant that he doesn't want to go. He is a very bright boy and wants to sstudy medicine and that's what he's working towards. The international school he would be going to has an English curriculum, and he thinks it would be too difficult to transfer at this stage, and I agree with him. There's also the issue of going abroad now, and then being treated as an international student (and high fees) when he comes back to uni in Scotland.

Now I come to the crux of the dilemma. DS has asked if X can come and live with us for the next couple of years and continue to go to the school he's at.

Obviously we'll need to speak to his dad and see what he thinks etc etc, but my immediate reaction is to say yes. He is a nice boy, and we know him well because he's been about the house for years. We have enough room, and I'd envisage him spending holidays overseas with his dad and sister.

This is all hypothetical at the moment because I don't know if X has mentioned it to his Dad, and I also think that his dad may not take the job if it would mean splitting up the family.

Am I nuts to consider adding another teenager to the family?

X is 16, DS1 is 15 and DS2 is 14. They all get along really well, and X is as close to DS2 as he is to DS1.

I would do it as long as the ground rules are clear - eg friend abiding by same house rules as your DSs, decision making responsibility in emergencies, financial issues - board, pocket money etc. You are right that it would be very disruptive to him to move now, but he is too young to fend for himself.
I do know one situation in which this went badly wrong though - the young person in question moved in with her boyfriend without telling her parents and the family she was staying with colluded to conceal this from her parents and kept taking the board money.
I know this is an extreme example, but the issue in question is that you need to make it clear to the friend that you will never keep secrets from his parents, no matter how much he wants you to. (Not that I'm suggesting you would ever do anything like that.)

I dont think that you are wrong to consider it. If you like the boy, and dont mind having him in the house then it sounds like it could be a good solution to the dilemma.

Other People's Teenagers are always much nicer to you than to their own parents, so if this lad is showing no signs of going off the rails now, there's no reason to think he'll turn into the Teenager from Hell the minute his DF leaves our shores. I have one of DS2's pals two nights a week (not the same thing as you're contemplating, of course) and while he's had stand-up fights with his parents he's the soul of polite young manhood with me.

If he is in 3rd Year now (which would be English Y10), then he would probably have to repeat the year if he moved to an international school. Not a disaster, and would make for an easier transition as the work should be fairly easy for him.

Repeating the year is a small price to pay for the fantastic opportunty he will have to experience life abroad and family unity.

If he doesn't want to go, can he stay at home and go to a boarding school? (although I think most of the boys boarding schools in Scotland follow the English system for GCSE).

It would be a huge thing for you to take on - it would have to be really carefully thought through.

He's in 4th year now, he'll be doing his standard grade exams in May and June this year.

I don't think you're mad, i think it's a nice thing to offer.
Given all the provisos mentioned before- I have often thought life would be so much easier if we simply swapped teeanegrs around- Dcs friends are always pleasant, polite, helpful!
what about the sister though?
having said all that, not sure I'd REALLY want to be parted from any of my dcs for any length of time.

Thanks for all your responses. There is a lot to think about, and I completley agree with the posters that said that other people's teenagers are often nicer than your own!

Scienceteacher, we don't have many boarding schools here. I can only think of 2 in the whole of Scotland, and they're quite far away. I couldn't stand by and let him go to a boarding school, anyway. (Unless, of course, he wanted to!)

While I agree that a couple of years abroad seems like a great opportunity, I don't think my DC would want to move either - especially so late on in their education, when the end is in sight and they are on the verge of achieving what they've been working towards. (And the thought of leaving their friends!)

DH and I are going to discuss it tonight in terms of practicalities, and then we'll sit down with X and his dad and talk more.

Madlentileater, I think it's the emotional aspect (like missing his sister and dad) rather than anything else that I'm worried about. His mum died when he was 10, so he's close to his dad. But he has aunts and uncles here, and a lovely godmother. They all live too far away for him to stay and continue at the same school, but he could see them at weekends or evenings.

Thank you all for your input.

a lovely child when visiting is not he same as one living with you, expect a more normal teenager then.

Please don't say anything to your son or his friend until you have discussed with the other parent. He may not be prepared to consider it and then its better for X not to have ever known if it was an option.

In your place I would seriously consider it if I had room.