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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Sex and birth control?

16 replies

Lins75 · 13/03/2009 18:23

My DSD is 15 and in a relationship for quite some time now (over a year).

The other day I needed something from her bathroom (in her bedroom) which I am not allowed to enter usually but it is my home after all and I really needed something, she wasn't home.

I found birth control pills in her cabinet.

I can't say I am particularly surprised, no. And I am glad she is using protection.

However, I am very curious how she obtained the pill. For some that might not know we are in US and over here, her GYN needed a consent form from her parent/guardian to proscribe them.
Her father didn't sign for them surely. I didn't sign for them. How did she get them?

Should I tackle this issue with her? And should I tackle the sex issue with her?
How? Did anyone had these talks with their kids?

FYI, I live with her full time she doesn't have a mother.

xxx

OP posts:
madlentileater · 13/03/2009 18:36

are you sure that's right about the dr needing parental consent?
If so I'd be worrying she had got them illicitly and therefore they might not be safe for her, powerful drugs after all.
Also I'd be worrying that the pill does not offer protection against STDs
but I don't know how you raise it with her- how come you had to look in the cabinet?

Disenchanted3 · 13/03/2009 18:38

Im curious as to why you haven't discussed contraception long before now if shes had a boyfriend for a year?!

BitOfFun · 13/03/2009 18:42

I don't think an underage girls needs parental consent for this...remember Gillick? If you have the right kind of relationship with her, I would have a word though. I'm not sure I'd say I found her pills though.

LynetteScavo · 13/03/2009 18:50

Lins75 is in the US - hence the need for parental consent.

I wouldn't metnion you found her pills, but would have a talk with her re; sex. You could sugest various types of contraception to her and point out birth control pils will not prevent STDs.
Maybe arm yourself with some literature/leaflets/something you've printed of the web to shove her way?

Original poster
Lins75 · 13/03/2009 19:11

madlentileater - My 2 year old cut herself and I didn't have any band-aids so I went to her bathroom to see if she has any.

I didn't duscuss contraception with her back then because no, we are not very close. In fact not close at all although the relationship has improved a bit lately.

Yes, in US an underage (under 18) girl will need her guardian/parent to sign a consent form to obtain any kind of birth control perscription.

So probably isn't the best idea to tell her I found them? But wouldn't she find weird that I suddenly want to discuss this with her?

OP posts:
twoluvlykids · 13/03/2009 19:13

Could another adult have signed? In loco parentis, or whatever it's called.

Maybe a teacher at school?

BitOfFun · 13/03/2009 19:16

How about renting a movie with her which might cover similar themes and get chatting? I always think "coincidental" chats are better than serious talks, and even if she doesn't respond you have got a little closer by doing something nice together!

I think there is a book called How To Talk so Teens Listen or similar if you do a search on Amazon?

LynetteScavo · 13/03/2009 19:25

I think you need to discuss this with her dad. Could/would he talk to her?

Original poster
Lins75 · 13/03/2009 19:26

twoluvlykids - No, it has to be family and an adult, I thought her brother might have done it but he's 17 so impossible...her teachers would get fired for doing something like that.

BitofFun, thanks. I'll look.. I too always prefer casual conversations but I'm crap at them...One can always see my true intentions lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Lins75 · 13/03/2009 19:28

Ooooh I don't think her dad should know about this.

It would make things so much more difficult and awkward + we would go back to a horrible relationship.

He wouldn't know how to handle it anyway.

OP posts:
madlentileater · 13/03/2009 19:41

this is why soap operas are so good- sooner or later there will be a teen pregnancy story line!
OK so you had a legitimate reason to go in her cabinet, I think it's fair then to have a chat with her...assuming you have a reasonable relationship...who else will do it?
But I would be bothered about how she got them.
Is it possible they don't belong to her?
In any case I would approach it in the spirit of 'you are obviously being careful and mature, protecting yourself from pregnancy, are you happy with how things are going, have you also thought about....'

LynetteScavo · 13/03/2009 21:04

OK, if her Dad wont' know how to handle it, this is your chance to get close to her and improve your relationship.

Have a chat to her about her BF - tell her some stuff you got up to when you were young - let her know that STD's can be nasty, and she may wan't to use condoms if she does consider having sex, and let her know that you will support her and sign for her to have contraception if she needs it. (don't let on you know about the pills - and log off form Mumsnet so she doen't find out! )

It must be quite hard and lonely for her not to have someone to talk to about this. Even is she doesn't show that she's happy to talk to you abut it I think she'll apreciate it.

mumonthenet · 13/03/2009 21:06

i agree with mad,

leave the parental consent part aside for the moment.

She is being 100% more responsible than many 15 year olds.

She is in a steady relationship.

The law is sometimes an ass. Sorry, but it is.

I would say casually to her, that you had to go into her bathroom for a bandaid and saw that she had some pills. You are glad that she's had the good sense to use contraception. You have printed off some stuff about contraception, stds, if she's interested. Also tell her that you are there for her if she has any worries.

RockinSockBunnies · 15/03/2009 17:02

As far as I know, different states in the US have different policies as to whether minors can access birth control without their parents' consent. Therefore, depending on whereabouts you are in the US, it may be possible for your DSD to have obtained contraception at a clinic somewhere that is not obliged to seek parental consent.

Anyway, putting that aside, I'd echo what other posters have said that perhaps approaching the subject in a casual and informal way might be a good step forwards?

beanieb · 15/03/2009 17:05

what makes you so sure her dad didn't sign for them?

Original poster
Lins75 · 16/03/2009 19:47

RockinSockBunnies - I think where we live (California) you need to have parents consent.

Beanieb - trust me, I'm sure her dad did not sign for those.

Anyway, thanks guys. I had a short convo with DSD about it and told her that if she needs a perscription she can always come to me.
Not just for that but for anything else she might need or wonder about.

We didn't go into details and I didn't let on that I know about her pills. I'm hoping that will follow soon...

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