Help! DS2 struggling with 6th form

[JudyA]

I typed a really long post then decided no one would want to read it, so will cut to the chase...

Basically, DS2 is in lower sixth and is struggling with stress, exhaustion and the general school ethos. He's bright enough, but his problems with motivation are really holding him back and all the teachers do is tell him he must work harder. He looks at his pile of homework that he knows will taake hours and feeels so dispirited he can barely start. So far he's refused any sort of counselling help. He really would like to go to uni but he's really going to struggle to get through next year and come out with three A levels.

One option is for him to transfer to college, which may suit him better, or alternatively to just take a couple of A levels next year and then take a further one at college in a gap year.

So, what I'm wondering is to what extent college differs from sixth form for A levels? Are the lessons more like lectures? Are students left more to 'get on with it' more and not nagged for missing homework?

And if anyone else has (or has had) teenagers with similar problems, I'd be grateful for any advice that may help!

Bump for you. Doesn't he have a learning mentor? If not, do they still have form teachers in 6th form who may be able to advise? It sounds like he needs training in time management and cutting these huge chunks of work into smaller, manageable chunks.

Mumblechum, he has a form teacher and Connexions is also available, but he's reluctant to talk to anyone in depth about how he's feeling. I've offered to go along as well/instead but that he said no... as you may guess, the normal teeenage hormones are giving him the 'adults can't help, they're all useless' attitude.

Good point about the time management - I think I'll suggest to him that he sets a target of doing, say, half an hour's solid homework an evening at a set time rather than of completing a piece of work. Even if he can't get all his homework done in time it's better than doing none, and if he finds he can manage that then maybe he can extend it.

Does he know what he wants to do? Dd is taking GCSEs, and I'm sure one of the reasons she finds it hard to motivate herself is that she doesn't know what it's all for.

Ds is in L6 and he is different and can work independently, but he is finding the amount of work a struggle. I have encouraged him to talk to his teachers at an early stage when he's confused about anything, rather than leaving it to get out of proportion.

You never stop worrying about them do you!

If he is having motivtion problems in school then won't it be twice as bad in college, as they tend to have a more laissez faire attitude.

What is he doing in his free study periods?

He can't motivate himself in his study periods either Senua. To a certain extent, though, it's his frustration with the exam system that is demotivating him - for instance he loves physics, spends ages reading about relativity etc on the internet and understands a lot of it probably better than his teacher, but somehow he can't get the hang of what the exam questions are after - it seems you have to use exactly the right terminology and expressions they're after rather than demonstrate understanding. But I can't see that problem going away at college, or maybe even university.

Aj&jjmum, he'd really like to do physics at uni but he's dropped maths so I don't think that'll be an option unless he picks it up later. He may decide to do something less demanding, maybe geology. Career-wise, maybe something to do with computers as he's certainly got the aptitude. Maybe he could get into that without good A levels by doing a more vocational course like an HND - again, this is something he (ideally) or I (probably) need to find out about so he knows what options he has.

I would say the school is your first port of call.Even though its not specific to subject at my sons school the SENCO will help with study skills, she gave him some really good tips about cutting down the time it took him to write essays. However, at this stage in his education he has to make the appointment etc. Has he got a year tutor who he can talk to? You could contact his tutor and ask him to approach your son without telling him you had spoken.

But I agree with Senua IME college could have the opposite affect.I think they are left much more on their own and if he is at a school where he has been for the last 5 years they know him.

How did he do at GCSE - didn't he get the hang of exam technique then? Is he doing the typical boy thing of leaving homework / coursework / revision until the last minute, except that he thinks that he's really overdone it this time and there is no way to pull it back. Does it just need someone to sit down with him, take a few deep breaths and draw up a plan.
Would an Easter revision course help?

Lots of thoughts to consider - thank you. I don't think it matters that much who he talks to, the difficult bit is convincing him that he needs to talk to someone!

The three main issues for him are tiredness, stress and problems with schoolwork but any one of those could be causing the other two and then, of course, there's a vicious circle. I'm hoping that by finding out what his different options are he'll feel more in control.

I'll definitely consider contacting someone at school myself - hadn't thought of SENCO - but whatever help they can give, he has to be willing to take it!

I think I might send him an email with some suggestions & thoughts because he can't wander off then when he doesn't agree with what I say!

JudyA, I am going through a similar thing with dd atm. She too is in L6 and has lost all motivation, to the extant that she is skipping lessons and leaving school early. She can't bear the thought of another year at school, she doesn't want to go to Uni. Only problem is she will struggle to find a decent job which pays well at her age (she turns 18 at the end of this year).

Sit down with your ds and explain what options he has - including leaving school and getting a job. This may motivate him if he realises that actually staying at 6th form to study is by far the easiest option for him right now! Then stay strict with bedtimes - say 11pm on weeknights to combat the tiredness, and your suggestion of a solid half hour or so per night of homework time sounds sensible. Encourage him to speak to another family member or teacher to get some advice - as you know us parents know nothing! Good luck.

I would make an appointment for you both at Connexions-they are very good and give you plenty of time. They will be able to discuss all the options. It seems that school is the wrong place to be and the pressure will only get worse.Maybe he would be better doing something with computers at a local college rather than A'levels. He can always go back and do A'levels later if he finds he wants them. Just pushing on through school and university would be a mistake, at university they are very much on their own and have to be motivated and good at time management.

Queeneagle, it's good to know I'm not alone! The thing is he's very aware of the importance of his education and is possibly even more frustrated than me that he feels like he does! Sometimes it really sucks to be 16...

I've just sent him a long email with loads of suggestions about future options, who he could speak to and the importance of doing that. Fingers crossed he'll actually read it and think about it. Good luck with DD!

I think you MUST contact the school. They will probably be relieved that you are 'on his case' as well. They will have strategies to deal with unmotivated pupils including how to 'do' the exams. You really need to know (as does your son) how far behind he is, if he is, etc. You can ask them NOT to tell your son you have contacted them. I am sure they will be sympathetic. You may even be pleasantly surprised that he is not as bad as you fear and that there are others in the same situation. Good luck.

Has he chosen the wrong subjects and is finding them too difficult. If he is interested in Physics, why has he dropped Maths? DS2 is in the Upper Sixth and can recognise some of the motivational problems!

Lilymaid, he dropped maths because he was struggling with it, which of course raises the question of how he'd cope with a physics degree. He seems to have an odd range of abilities - his understanding of physics is excellent but he can't remember methods, formulae, equations, etc. He did OK in his GCSE maths because he could work everything out from first principles, but it all got a bit more challenging at A level.

Anyway, I've contacted the school - though I was in two minds as until he decides he wants help, they may not be able to do anything. He does seem better this week - hasn't (to my knowledge) missed any lessons - but had a chemistry test today where he said he couldn't do a thing. So really, I just want to talk to someone about the best way move forward so he can get the qualifications he needs for whatever he does next in life. Thanks all for pushing me into doing something!!