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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Would anyone mind telling me what their 13yr old DD likes?

21 replies

AccidentalMum · 26/02/2009 21:45

To do? Listen to? Have in her room? Any tips really. I am completely clueless with DSD and she just reads graphic novels (cutesy manga?) or plays DS constantly. She is so different from me and my 14 year old sister that I have run out of ideas. Her dad has no idea either.

Any help would be much appreciated

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 26/02/2009 21:46

Has she just come to live with you?

MaureenMLove · 26/02/2009 21:48

My 13 yr old DD for example likes the usual pop songs, Mc Fly, Pink etc. Plays on her DS too, MSN's, talks to her mates on her phone. Her room is pink and purple, with 'grown up' furnture and a desk. It's full of hair accessories varying in fluffiness. Make-up, clothes (mainly on the floor and not in the wardrobe!) Posters of Danny from McFly on the walls.

Haribosmummy · 26/02/2009 21:49

My 14YO DSD likes her computer (she has an Apple Mac) and her IPod (she has speakers in her room). She likes shopping (if someone else is paying) and she likes spending time with her mates.

More recently, she likes BOYS in a BIG way.

Do you have other kids? We try to get all the kids to interact now and again - so this last half term we had a baby grow design competition - bought some fabric pens and some cheap babygrows and we all set to work - some of the creations were great, others were not, but got us all talking about the same thing!!

We also try to go for lunch or dinner together - again time when it's just us.

musicposy · 26/02/2009 23:06

My 13 year old likes her laptop, DS, and is constantly on MSN or games forums (related to the DS). The biggest one is Animal Crossing where she links up with people across the world (plays wirelessly). She likes purple, dophins, iceskating and dancing, and often just sleeping and lazing around in her room! She also has clothes mostly on the floor - but she is very into clothes and gets quite upset if she has "nothing to wear" (meaning the one and only thing she has in mind is in the wash!) She spends hours in the bathroom and has recently taken to applying fairly heavy black mascara/ eye make up. She loves going into town shopping with her mates.

I think all of this is pretty typical teen stuff and all very harmless from what I can see. It might help if you learn a little about the stuff she is into - sometimes DD and I connect on DS and I think listening to all her interests (when she wants to speak!!)helps open the lines of communication for other stuff.

Original poster

AccidentalMum · 26/02/2009 23:10

Sorry to ask and run.

No, she just visits, but room seems to get blander and blander as she grows out of things and I am increasingly clueless as to what to replace them with.

Thanks for the tips.

OP posts:

cory · 27/02/2009 09:12

At this age, I think you will want to involve her as much as possible in any redecorating/furnishing. My dd (12) is very much looking forward to the planned trip to Ikea to make her room a little less babyish (nothing horrendously expensive, new curtains, just a few basic touches). I have noticed in the last year that all the cutesy posters seem to be coming down and her room is beginning to look a bit more sober.

Original poster

AccidentalMum · 27/02/2009 10:44

I really wish I could! I have tried to go shopping with her for anything and she is completely non-committal, vague and evasive and then cries! She does this with her mum too so I know it isn't just me .

OP posts:

FleurDelacour · 27/02/2009 11:14

Your DSD sounds sad and confused. Is she finding the home situation hard to deal with or are there school or friend issues I wonder?

On the other hand she may only want to go shopping with her friends, but I think that is unlikely while the adults around her are happy to pay for things. My 13 YO DD likes to shop with friends and fritter away spend wisely her own money. For big purchses of clothes she still likes my opinion credit card.

barbarianoftheuniverse · 27/02/2009 11:15

DD12 into music, make up, friends and saving the planet among other things has WWF stuff from her sponsored polar bear on her walls as well as the usual pop tat. Also she is allowed to draw on the walls which she does very carefully in chalk first and then oil pastels. It is all very hippy and tatty and bright. Perhaps you could encourage you DSD to do something similar.

Original poster

AccidentalMum · 27/02/2009 12:17

She is very very young for her age so no shopping alone (I would let her but TBH, I think her friends' mums are as protective as her mum). Yep, sad and confused. Only child for 10 years to 3 devoted parents, then 3 new siblings in 2 years . It was so easy and fun before DDs were born, and to an extent before DD2 was born. I feel rubbish about the whole thing really at the moment.

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mrsjammi · 27/02/2009 12:22

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Original poster

AccidentalMum · 27/02/2009 12:41

Pretty sure she is terrified of boys LOL. Gift vouchers and a semi supervised shopping session are a good idea.

He collects her on Saturday AM and they spend the day together in town going to Waterstones, the comic shops and alternative stores. They get home for tea and then she seems just lost in the chaos until tea the next day. She doesn't like DDs, which is understandable but awkward, and winds me up TBH, though I try not to show it.

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mrsjammi · 27/02/2009 15:02

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Original poster

AccidentalMum · 27/02/2009 16:54

It would be lovely to have her more, but we are too far from school and friends. Owning a car would make a massive difference but TBH, I don't think she would want her friends over....she goes to a rather chi chi school and we don't exactly 'fit'. Let's just say my DH is a relic from a former life for her mum! She seems to really enjoy the time with her dad but as you say it means less time here integrated with the family. I have tried to organise tweenie 'playdates' before but it is all too contrived. I sent her to Manga summer school is the hope that she would make a local friend to no avail. Maybe we should just get her a Wii and have done with it .

OP posts:

musicposy · 27/02/2009 21:20

Get her a wii
I know that sounds trite, but they are very sociable things. Most of the games you can play together. We have Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games, Mario Kart wii, Wii Play, Wii Sports (comes with it) and Animal Crossing , among others, all of which encourage team play.
Wii sports is like having a bowling alley in your room and you might find you can play and bond as a family. I wouldn't be without ours.

Original poster

AccidentalMum · 27/02/2009 21:29

I play singstar (and love it even though the pummels me into the ground ) at the moment when she brings the bits so I think you may be right. I actually love games consoles again.

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FleurDelacour · 28/02/2009 03:17

The wii would work for a bit I suspect but it is probably not a long term solution. My girls only use it sometimes. Teenage girls are sociable beings who like friends around for company. Your idea of finding a club or activity locally for some of Saturday is one way of making friends who are nearby. It will take time though. Guides or dancing or drama or swimming might be available. Also I'd get in some chick flick DVDs like Wild Child, Angus Thongs, Friends etc. One of these and some microwave popcorn is usually a winner in our house.

seeker · 28/02/2009 05:47

Riding lessons? My dd is this age and is horse mad. Ice skating?

Would it be possible for her to bring a friend with her to stay every now and then? Particularly if you do buy a Wii - it's much more fun with 2 people.

A bit surprised at the no shopping alone at 13 - is this something her dad needs to address with the mother? One of my dd's greatest pleasures is shopping/window shopping with friends then going for hot chocolate somewhere.

musicposy · 28/02/2009 10:22

I'm surprised at the no shopping alone, too. My DD started at about 11 going in with me and maybe a friend, first just going off to one shop and then meeting up again. Gradually we extended it so I was in town somewhere so she could pop back if she wanted, and extended the time she was allowed. Now I am quite happy for her to go on her own. Maybe she seems so young because she hasn't been allowed any independence. Maybe the arrival of the new siblings wouldn't be such an issue if she was allowed her own independence more. You might not get anywhere with mum, of course. You'll also probably find that if she's young for her age, the thought of going alone is scary - but you can build independence gradually.

My 13 yo still thinks boys are a revolting proposal, too! I expect this will change fairly shortly - she's not very far ahead puberty-wise compared to some of her friends and I'm sure all that is linked!

I think it's great if they have an interest at this age, so is there something she has always wanted to do? My DD is very into dance and ice skating, but some of her firends are very into horse riding like seeker suggests, or other sports. If there was an interest you could take her to it would give you something to chat about and take her out of herself. My DD has so many moody/ stroppy moment, and she cries quite often - I think it's all bound up with the hormones - but doing these things takes her out of herself and is definitely good for her. Perhaps ask her if there is anything she has always wanted to learn or do.

Original poster

AccidentalMum · 28/02/2009 13:16

Are these smaller towns than ours perhaps? We are in Manchester . I used to go into Cardiff at the same age though and I was deeply dippy .

She is so resistant to everything but I will keep trying with a structured activity. I think we should have her less often for longer but poor DH seems bottom of the pile for access in the holidays.

OP posts:

lilpol · 28/02/2009 21:14

hia ca n any one tell me where to find live chat, the one s i m reading are either from yesterday or this afternoon pleeaaassee

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