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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16 yr old daughter & dom Violence

17 replies

mrsspooz · 22/02/2009 22:45

I recently wrote on here regarding my 16 yr old daughter and her boyfriend, she went from happy go lucky lovely daughter to a nightmare.
I suspected he had a lot to do with it as his home life is really bad, I work in a women's hostel and see troubled women there so i have given him a chance but he's rude, dirty, smells, breaks wind whilst we are all sitting together or have guests the list is endless.
Recentle though my daughter has been losing weight quite rapidly i sauspect it is because he keeps telling her she is fat, it got to the point we were at the doctors for something else and the doctor said she was pale and was she ok i explained about her losing weight( i didn't mention the boyfriend, i never wanted my daughter to think i disliked him even though i do) and the doctor siad she was borderline with her bmi but just about scraping the line and that she needed to put a little weight on and she wanted to see her in a fortnight which is this thursday but she got weighed and now weighs under 7st she is 4ft 11, just lately though she has been coming from his and saying about he accidently popped her lip, hit the cupboard door in her face, the list is endless and i believe he is doing it on purpose, she is attending confiednce claaes through the school as the school are concerned about the relationship, she has been seeing him for 8 months and they are both in there final year at school. please someone help.

OP posts:

mumonthenet · 22/02/2009 23:30

mrsspooz,

I am so sorry to hear this. This guy sounds awful.

Are they at the same schoo? Does she love him?(think she loves him)

Is she afraid of him and unable to give him the boot?

mumonthenet · 22/02/2009 23:32

If you have been pretending to like him, maybe she is afraid of admitting to you what is happening?

Tortington · 22/02/2009 23:34

do you have someone who could twat him?

mumonthenet · 22/02/2009 23:43

are you there mrsspooz??????

morningsun · 23/02/2009 00:06

can you get from her if it is on purpose,and if she says it is immediately go into the school and speak to head of sixth form/deputy or head to tell them your fears

kormacuntingchameleonfucker · 23/02/2009 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 23/02/2009 11:44

MrsSpooz, I am sorry to hear of your worries about your dd

I think the time has come to stop pussyfooting around now. Do you get the feeling she actually wants you to take charge and rescue her from this situation?

Please accept no more. You have tried your best and I can see that by going along with it you hoped it would run its course.

Put a stop to it now, any way you can.

AnyFucker · 23/02/2009 11:45

And that includes arranging for him to get a "chat" from a scary bloke

DollyMessiter · 23/02/2009 11:51

I'm sure it isn't politically correct for me to say this, but if my child were returning from the home of a person who I knew to be abusing them, that abuser would be stapled to the wall by their ears by now.

Failing that, the scummy piece of shit would be on his way to the police station, possibly in pieces in a bin bag.

He is 16? You need to put him in his place, tbh.

16 really is not very old, no matter how grown up they claim to be, or feel they are. It really sounds like your DD is way out of her depth here, and I think you need to step in and make some decisions for her.

I wish you and your DD well.

rolandbrowning · 23/02/2009 11:56

Please talk to your daughter, I needed my parents to help me out of a relationship when I was a teenager, but they thought I wouldn't have listened and did not want to interfere. I needed them.

Lulumama · 23/02/2009 12:02

she is a teenager. she needs you to take control, she has no idea how to take control of this situation.

you need to make sure he knows this is not acceptable and ensure he gets the message

how old is he?

hope she is using contraception, adding a pregnancy into the mix would be even more catatstrophic

if she was my daughter, she would not be leaving the house to see him, nor would he be coming in my house.

any large blokes who can have a quiet word?

AnnVan · 23/02/2009 13:57

I think it's important to do something to help your DD. Just be sure not to antagonise/have a go at her. I also got involved in a bad relationship at 16 (with a much older man) My dad remained friends with the man in question, but constantly shouted and screamed at me for the involvement. This was not helpful in any way. Looking back, I needed them to help.

CharleeInChains · 23/02/2009 14:04

Oh god this sounds like me when i was 14.

I was getting beaten up by my foul boyfriend and was not eating as he said i was fat and ugly. I was so good at hiding it.

You need to have a frank talk with her about what you think is going on and see how she reacts, she may deny it all and become a bit defensive or she may cry it out and tell you all about it.

I thought i didn't need help from my family and friends but i did, once i was safe with them i was able to see clearly and dump the looser knowing i was safe from him and that i had a good life at home with decent mates.

Is he also a teenager could you have a word with his parents/carers if they are around?

Original poster

mrsspooz · 23/02/2009 22:45

I have spoke to school today and voiced my concerns, i have also spoke with my daughter and told her what i think is happening, she denied anything was happening and what i think of him (not a good move i know, i think the time now is to have a word with him quietly on our own.
I have reduced the days she see's him, she says she wants him, it's a wate of time talking to his mam she spends her days in bed as she suffers from bi polar, but it's not an odd day in bed it is weeks in bed so talking to her would be like talking to the wall as i ahve met her before and there is no rules in that house.
I could scream and cry at this minute.
Thankyou to everyone for there advice.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 23/02/2009 23:06

get as much help from the school as you can

I think it is good that you have told her how you really feel about the bf

are they sleeping together?

if that is happening in your house, I would stop that immediately and don't allow her to stay over at his. Fgs make sure they are using barrier protection.

I know they will find a way to be together if that is what she really wants but you have to voice your disapproval

you have tried going along with it (which is the usual standard advice in this siuation) but I fear his abuse of her could escalate if ou turn a blind eye

I wish you soooo much good luck as I fear we will have a rocky road ahead with my 13 yo dd who is very wilful and is already "forgetting" a lot of the values we have tried to bring her up with so far. She holds us in contempt already

I am fucking petrified tbh

Original poster

mrsspooz · 24/02/2009 10:25

Not sure if they are sleeping together, she says no but she probally wouldn't tell me, i can only hope that if they are, they are using protection, i have spoke to her about that so hopefuly she listened.
Good luck AnyFucker

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 24/02/2009 16:32

aw thanks, these teens are bloody hard work but you (and your dd) are really going through a tough time right now

I hope that things improve for you both x

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