13 yr old niece has gone totally off the rails – please any experience and/or advice?

[fridgemonkey]

My gorgeous, funny, bright niece (in law) has just lost it - totally lost it, and I just wondered if anyone had any experience or advice that might help our family.

She is 13, and so angry. So angry. She is smoking weed, having sex, drinking, skipping school, defiant and insolent; no one can get through to her.

When you ask her why? She says that she hates them (her parents) and they don't understand - but understand what?

She lives in another country so help that we can give is limited.

So far, they have tried: (six months ago) boarding school (expelled after 4 days for smoking and fighting and taking drugs)
Going to live with grandparents (lasted about 3 months)
Tomorrow, they are going to see a psychologist or psychiatrist (I'm not sure) re possible admittance to a unit for troubled adolescents.

I've known her since she was two. What the hell happened? What do people do? How can she be helped?

I have no experience - bump - maybe this will help get this thread noticed.

Sounds like they are doing the right thing to get her professionally assessed. There's obviously a big problem there. I don't think it is normal teenage behaviour to behave like that at 13. Hopefully, the psychiatrist will get to the bottom of it and give her the help she, and her parents, need.

bump again

Hi,
I would be able to advise more if she was in this country.
As Bags said it sounds like they are doing the best they can in getting her assessed. I come across this sort of thing a lot in my job and it can be heartbreaking for everyone concerned. I dont think there are ever any straight forward answers or reasons.
What country is she in? It may help someone else to advise.

I wish you luck.

Is it ODD?
If in USA she could go to one of those boot camps (the nicer versions) for wilder teens.
Mind you, my niece went to such a camp, and 3 yrs later she still gets up to all sorts of nortiness, BUT she isn't anywhere as bad as she used to be, or as out of control as I think she would have become without it.

it could be anything, over controlling parenting, something "bad" happened to her and she hasn't told them/dealt with, major hormone rages, or just got in with the wrong crowd!

At least they are seeking help!

I liked your post, maryz. It's nice when someone tells it like it is, although situation must be very hard for you.

Do you know where he is now (roughly)? I'm surprised that social services aren't keen to intervene, make him get off the streets. If you left a 13 yr old at home all day alone, every day, and got reported for it, SS would come talk to you and tell you not to do it, but otherwise they will let your 14 yo wander the streets? How does that work?