Student son - how much financial support should we give?

[higgle]

The good news is that DS1 will be off to Uni to do PPE in the autumn, his grades so far indicate Oxford or York. We have always tried to be reasonable about money - not pampering the DC's but not making life too difficult for them. DS works Saturday and sunday at Tesco to build up some reserves and we split his driving lesson costs 1/3 me, 1/3 DH and 1/3 him which is a bit of an example of how we think. What I think would be fair would be for us to pay his tuition fees, for him use the lower level of student loan ( we don't qualify for a grant or the higher level) and to chip in a bit for his extra living expenses on top of his accommodation. If he gets into Oxford they say working isn't viable with the work load, if he goes to York or Manchester expect he will get a job of some kind. The only problem is that even if we do this we will be very tight on money for 6 years (DS2 will start the year DS1 finishes) and it will the the end of nice holidays replacing the cars or anything else extra until I am 59 ! I feel so torn, part of me feels we should do the maximum for DS1 and part of me thinks that I'm going to get really p**d off with going without for so long, just when I'm becoming an empty nester. DS1 works really hard at school, is wonderful at home and does his job at Tesco too, so I just want to do what is right. DH and I both have reasonably well paid jobs, but still have a large mortgage and have to run 2 cars as we live in isolatd rural area and go in opposite directions to work.We always seem to earn just a little bit too much for any grants etc. I'd really like to know how other people have coped with this dilema without feeling guilty and/or making martyrs of themselves. What is the answer?

It's true that Oxford term times are not really consistent with paid employment.

However, he should be able to get vacation employment. Remember: if he goes to Oxford, he'll only be at uni 24 weeks of the year!

I used to get a job in the summer which would provide me with quite a lot of cash to see me through the year. I was lucky enough to get well-paid office-type jobs, but even friends who got vacation jobs in Tesco or Sainsbury's did ok financially (with student loans as well).

Give your son as much as you can afford and feel is appropriate for him, and your situation. If you really feel that you'll resent giving him a lot, then don't.

Also, I may be out of date now, but when I used to compare my situation (Oxbridge) with friends at other unis, I found that my life was 'cheaper': rents were lower, canteen food was cheaper, no travel costs, etc.

So, fingers crossed he goes to Oxford!

Rent costs were lower, incidentally, because you paid on a term-time, rather than yearly basis. Many friends at other unis had to rent places for at least 6 months, and often the year, whereas we only needed to pay for terms. However, that did mean going home to our families, or whatever, out of term.

All this is assuming he is in college accommodation.

Thank you - it does seem Oxford will be cheapest - even accounting for kitting him out with strange clothing etc. ( and it is quite close to home and I will be able to visit and go shopping - if I have any money left- and take him out to lunch) We'll manage.

about £100 a week?

Ps am only facing this in a year or so, is not from personal experience but other parents I know find their children managing on about that amount

Thing is, he can get a loan for his tuition fees (of up to £ 3,225, which will be the normal level for most subjects next year)which is not dependent on family income. It's paid back on the same terms as the maintenance loan and, like that loan itincurs interest at a level based on the inflation level - it's not exactly inflation as they only set it once a year, so sometimes it's higher, sometimes lower.

So it might be easier to let him take out the loan for that & use your contribution to help with his accommodation, because his maintenance loan, which will be around £3,500, will not cover a lot - DD is currently in a catered hall (only because if she wasn't, she'd never eat!) and her fees this year are £3600.

Living in a self-catered place or in a house is cheaper, but you have to buy food & services - DS pays £265 a month for 11 months and has to buy food, utilities & anything else on top. One of his housemates only gets the non-assessed part of the maintenance loan, but her parents say they can't afford to top it up, so she has to work probably more hours than is good for her coursework, as she's doing science & has to put in a lot of lab hours.

We pay DS & DD's accommodation, and they use the maintenance loan (like your DS, they only get the 75% non-assessed part) for books, travel etc plus of course food in DS's case. Because DD is getting her food paid for in Hall, she is supposed to be saving the extra, and so far seems to be budgeting pretty well.

We are comfortable with this level of support, though this year is a bit tight,but hopefully this will be the only year when they are both at university, and they are well aware that anything we pay now is coming out of their inheritance!

RustyBear - Do you let your children have the tuition fees loan and the maintenance loan? Running up student debt at the rate of £6,725 or so a year seems a bit frightening to us. Paying the fees we can manage, but pushing it much further than that is where the sacrifices begin to kick in big time.

Yes, it is pretty scary, isn't it - DS's debt was around £14,000 at the start of this year (he's now in his third & final year)

Actually, it's not strictly speaking a question of 'letting' them - it's their loan and their debt, as they are adults, and it's up to them whether they take it out - you will probably find the student loan people won't even talk to you about their account without express permission from the student. Their attitude is that it's nothing to do with you - except of course that they are perfectly happy to take your income into account when deciding how much they can borrow - double standards, anyone?

They won't have to start paying back until they are earning £15,000 a year & then it will be taken straight out of their salary. (I think until then it will still be clocking up interest at the rate of inflation, though)

In fact, for our family,paying it back will probably be a combination of some from them & some from us, but as say, anything they get from us now, they won't get when we die!

I am probably going to sound very mean,but DD1 going off to university in Sept and she will borrow for tuition and maintenance,plus work,plus receive small contribution from us.
I am not in favour of handing everything to her on a plate. Yes,the level of debt seems frightening,but at such a low interest rate and repayable over such a long time that I see it as an extra tax.
We have four DCs,and as none will be at university together due to age gaps we could give more,but we won't.
DDis 20 this year and an adult ,we would be responsible for no other area of her life(as we are frequently reminded[grin[) and imo with adulthood comes responsibilities.
No,we wont let her struggle,but noone died from hard work,and I refuse to fund drunken nights out/clothes shopping sprees/cannabis smoking etc
That is only our DD,of course

The way I worked it with DS1 - so will be honour bound to repeat this for DS2 when he goes to university - is that I paid the tuition fees (for DS1 it was at the old rate of around £1100) and in the 1st year, I paid the hall of residence fees - room plus full meals. In the 2nd and 3rd years, when he was house sharing, I gave him the same amount of money as in the 1st year - by paying his rent in advance and gave him the rest in weekly amounts to spend as he wished. He used that money to pay for food and utility bills.
He has now got a student debt of around £10k which he will start paying off from the start of the next tax year.
Of course, the amount you give your DC entirely depends on what you can afford. I think I was fairly generous, but DH and I were students in the 70s when we all received generous (means tested on parental income) and I wanted my DCs to enjoy their university experience.

DS1 is (fingers crossed) going to Oxford in October. Like your son, he only qualifies for the unassessed part of the loan. We are paying his tuition fees and accommodation (which includes some food - most Oxford colleges have a meal allowance attached to termly battels, but it usually needs to be topped up, especially if your DS eats a lot!).

DS1 will have to fund everything else - so extra food, travel, books, clothes, alcohol(!), holidays etc. He intends to get a job this summer and during the Oxford vacations. Whatever he earns during the vacations, coupled with the loan, should be enough for him to live quite comfortably and probably even save some money (though I doubt he will). He is going on a year abroad in 2nd or 3rd year, and will have to fund that himself.

It means forking out to the tune of about £6k a year for us, but we have been saving since he was born so should be able to manage without changing our lifestyle.

I would suggest getting the tuition fee loan and the maintenance loan. I am in around £14000 debt at the ripe old age of 21, but it really isn't ass scary as it sounds. I'm not in my overdraft and I budget well. The debt I'm in doesn't feel like 'proper' debt because It gets paid off automatically when I'm working full time and doesn't affect my credit rating in any way. Maintenance loans don't go very far at all, especially when you're accommodation is coming out of it as well, and as a student I know that the most helpful way for me was my parents paying my accommodation, which then left me with my student loan to live off.

That was my idea Nicola,us to pay the accomodation coats,or most of them.

Thanks for all your replies, perhaps we will go down the route of taking the loans, subsidising living expenses and then if we have anything saved up and left over at the end consider helping out a bit more then - we might be lucky, some of our friends children have earned more in their first jobs than either parent is getting!

DD1 finished uni in June. We paid her tuition fees and accomadation in the first year (she was in halls and the rent included utilitie bills). She had a student larn and a Saturday job out of this she paid all other living expenses and for equipment she needed for her course.

I'm currently in my 3rd year at uni and spend about £6k a year on living. £2750 goes on accomodation, plus bills (around £60 every 3 months for gas and electric and £120 a year for water then internet and phone line) plus food, clothes, stationary, books and getting about. I also work during the summer to fund my car.

Most of my friends parents chip in for accomodation rather than tuition fees. People who can afford to pay for tuition seem to have taken the loan anyway and stuck the money in a high interest savings account. Because the interest is set to be around inflation even now you should be able to find an account which pays more than the interest.

I know that its hard to think about your children being in debt, (I shall be in £26k ish (4 year course) when I finish even though I haven't got an overdraft and pay off my credit card every month) but it is worth it and being as its taken through PAYE your DS probably won't even notice it being paid back.

I really, really think that it is a pity to have to work during university terms unless you really have to. Far better to work during the very long holidays.

Thanks for this thread, Higgle. I can't add anything useful at all but wanted to bump it for you as I'm already wondering what we'll do in four years when dd1 is starting uni!

When I was at uni, my parents paid me what I would have got as a grant, and then I worked every hour of the holidays to pay for my clothes, transport, books etc. My parents refused to let me pay for my keep in the holidays, but otherwise, I had nothing extra from them.

It taught me to budget, what it was really like to actually have no food in the house or eat rice and beans for every meal for two weeks, and how to sort out dodgy landlords.

It's important, I think, to really let them go and not be popping over to take them out to eat and buy clothes. I do notice the difference with people whose parents took them on holiday, would send money when asked, sorted out houses, and those who made their own mistakes and learnt from them

Perhaps I am finding this a dilema because when I went to university we had generous grants and there were no tuition fees to pay. I had three years and a partly funded postgraduate course with no money worries and a savings account with plenty in it from what I earned in my holidays.I just wish our children could have the same experience.

The tuition loan is the cheapest way to borrow money - and if you don't get a job or get a worthy but low paid job the remainder of the loan will be wiped away after 25 years.

IF you have any spare money then DON'T pay the tuition fees. Put it in a high interest account and when your dc wnats to buy a property give it to them then. That is where their problmes will start NOT in paying off their tuition loan.

The accommodation fees in most universities are MORE than the student loan. So pay their accomodation fees and you can be sure they have a roof over their heads.

DON'T give them any more spending money than the student loan. They will just fritter it away on lattes and heat magazine....or vomit it in the gutter after a night of fun! IMO that sort of expenditure should be down to them.

DS1 is the most parsimonious child imaginable, will probably come out of it having made a profit - gave him £20 pocket money for his Oxford interview and he actaully gave me £19.30 back! Long may it continue, thanks everyone for words of wisdom.