Survival strategies please, before I go over the E d g e

[tb73]

My 17 yr old son is driving me (and my DH) to distraction. He is, quite frankly, being a total and utter gobshite. He used to be such a nice lad but now he is...

Rude
Lazy
Arrogant
Stroppy
Deliberately provocative

I keep getting drawn into ridiculous, childish rows with him and end up loosing my temper, which I know is counterproductive. I have convascated his games console and banned him on the PC, the usual things - but it isn't having any effect. Also, he is practically an adult so should I still be punishing him anyway?

What we really need are some strategies before things really get out of hand. Don't tell me to drink gin, I'm still breastfeeding (no, not him)!

Thank goodness you still have a sense of humour (and thank goodness for mn to let off steam_ - you will need them both! Your sense of humour is probably the best weapon that you and dh have against the "gobshite", and the best resource you both have for getting though it together.

It is not going to help you, for me to say that "in time, it will change, he will grow up and in a couple of years you will have a great relationship". It will, but it doesn't help you tonight or tomorrow.

I bet you have tried this, but are there ways in which you can reward good behaviours rather than punishing bad behaviours? So if you have banned his games console for a week and then he does something great - give it back for 2 hours.

When my dd's are like this (and they do go in and out of it a bit) I try to work hard on finding things that are positive for all of us - for example, a friend gave us a mini table tennis set and dd and dp always have a laugh when they play it. It can get quite aggressive and once a picture got broken, but its better than us all having broken hearts and alcohol poisoning!

why not ask him what he would do in your shoes. What kind of punishment or encouragemnt would work for him. What would he really respond to. And then, when you have to use one of his suggestions it's all down to him. No arguments/ Sounds too simple doesn't it.
Good luck anyway.

All good sound advice. I'll give it a whirl - it's so easy to get stuck in a negative rut with teens isn't it, particularly when they change but you are still using the same old tried and tested stragegies that are clearly past their sell by date.

I need a new aresenal!