Grubby 12 year old!

[mumto3boys]

How shoudl I deal with 12 year old DS who can't be bothered to wash, brush his teeth and will quite happily leave the house looking like he has slept in his clothes (or perhaps maybe he has slept in his clothes as changing them may be just too much effort!)

Had a bit of a row with him this morning as after bath he was still cobered in pen so clearly hasn't washed, also didn't brush his teeth. Is growing his hair so looks very dishevelled.

He doesn't appear to have started puberty yet so not smelly, but am worried he will start to smell.

Am thinking it is time to let him get on with it, but my god its so hard.

So, do I continue to nag, or let him leave the house looking like it?

I don't think there's a magic answer. DD was always quite clean but it took DS to discover girls he would voluntarily get into the shower. Now he showers every night though I do still have to yell "TEETH!" at hime twice daily and he's 16.

I think it's worth the battle to get your DS into shower every motning withour fail. Am in same position except mine is well and truly into puberty. He will smell big time believe me!!! Also have a 16 y old and agree with smudge. Much easier once they have a girlfriend. Could try threatening to clipper hair during night if not washed on a daily basis. Of course it does help having a DD who just tells her bro he is disgusting!!
If you battle now it will soon become a habit. Also remove dirty clothes every night so he can't get into them again...
Teeth still an issue for DS2.Enlisting hygienist on the quiet helped.

I have to confess to having a DS1 (nearly 12) who showers every morning and has a bath every night

This is brought about by having a SS who goes into the bathroom and runs the shower but doesn't get under it and a DH who has a bath 2/3 times a day (before work, on break and after work - he is a chef so I am grateful for his efforts!)

Also growing hair and also pale complexion so often looks like he needs a good scrub. Just starting to get a bit spotty so I am pushing facewash and cleansing. He hardly ever washes his hair though, so still looks awful even when clean.

He does sometimes come out still covered in pen and gets sent straight back in again. The threat of "do I have to come in and wash you?" is usually enough
Also I remind him often that if he smells he is likely to get picked on and have no friends.

It's a bit harsh but I do have his best interests at heart.

Good luck!

ds1 is 11.5 and he is dreadful. He doesn't actually look very grubby (well not compared to the children at my school), but he really doesn't wash much.

He does clean his teeth now, and I remind him to wash his hands properly on a regular basis. I think having clean/smart clothes does count for a lot on appearance actually.

I'm aware though that puberty/sweat/smelliness will kick in soon.

We're getting a new bathroom fitted next month. Once it's in I'm going to insist that he showers every morning: new bathroom new regime.

i nag.

"NO your not leaving the house...
like that
creased
without a coat
without combing your hair
without a wash
smelling like shit
without brushing your teeth
..."

"but i've got to meet my smelly, creased, cold, dirty plaque infested friends in 5 mins"

"tough shit, you will be late then"

"OMG mum, 5 MINS..... 5 MINS"

" stop complaining and start doing and you'll be quicker, move yer arse!"

my DS1 now 13 was just the same prior to starting puberty at 11. That was the trigger because boy do they start to whiff once the hormones kick in.
Getting him to shower every morning wasn't so bad but the hair was another matter. He's always liked it long and it used to be disgusting after a couple of days, even after he'd washed it it wasn't exactly fresh. I did insist on going in and washing it for him a few times and the resulting shiny clean hair proved my point that he wasn't washing it properly.

Now he's at the "Lynx" stage. 40 minutes in the shower every morning and insists on washing his very long hair before school every day. So the current battle is " you're not going out in sub zero temperatures with wet hair......."

LOL Just got through that stage fortunately. Would often hug DS and recoil yelling 'go and have a shower NOW'. He has finally discovered the shower gel and showers every day - altho TBH it's probably more that he's started to notice girls . . . He smells delicious now - and I really wish he still smelt - at least then the girls wouldn't be interested in him

Yep, I was right. DD came home today and announced 'ds has a girlfriend'. At which point he strangled her . . . But it's OK cos she's Lebanese so under a strict going out regime . . . Or are they always the worst ? Aaaaagh. Is now the time to have 'the talk' ?

I'm not the only one suffering from this too then! My 13 year old gets sh!tty about being told to shower and brushing his teeth is a real issue, we always fall out over that, the time he spends arguing that he's not going to do it he could have done them 3 times. It's ridiculous!

A little update - 2 days in a row he has come in from school and, wait for it, it's fairly shocking .............HAD A SHOWER!

Tis meant that yesterday he had 2 showers in one day. And then covered himself in deoderant.

We seem to have gone from one extreme to the other in under a month.

He also seems to be growing.

Think we may be entering the 'Lynx phase!'

Do you think he has a crush?
I'm convinced DS1 has a crush but he was never a communicator before he became a mumbling teen so all my subtle attempts to elicit information have failed.I noticed that during the school holidays much less attention was paid to his hair and rather less Lynx was applied. No one to impress perhaps?

My grubby 12 yr old morphed into a 14 yr old that spent hours at a time in the bathroom. Have no fear, that time will come. Best upgrade the boiler while you still have time. Just keep on nagging!

pmsl at "Lynx phase" (shudder, gag -am pregnant at the moment and cannot go in his room- I even dragged him to the deodorant aisle in sainsburys to choose a scent we could both agree on). Mine got to this at the same time as the bathroom phase.

When we were sorting out the house to move, I found a book from my childhood, about a little brown bear who didn't want to have a bath, so every time his mummy sent him to have his bath, he simply filled it with water then swished his paw in it. Unfortunately, after a few days, he got itchy and uncomfortable, and confessed to mummy bear.

Perhaps we need an updated version for pre-hygienic adolescents? Ds1 (15) is reasonably hygienic, ds2 (13) showers daily after his paper round but forgets to clean his teeth for days and still seems to get BO (I'm hoping the girlfriend thing will kick in soon), and ds3 (11) is still a grubby child.

Get flannel, cover with soap, wash (roughly) at least face for them - threaten to do rest if they smell and to tell their mates you do it. You will be a hated parent but have a slightly cleaner son.

DS2 (16) seems to have become allergic to soap, water and shampoo. On Monday we went out as a family to Pizza Hut (we know how to live ) and I suggested he had a shower first as his almost waist-length hair was rather lanky. No such luck, but when the rest of us were ready to go he was still messing around in his bedroom.

'What's he doing?' said DS1.

'Probably putting his makeup on,' I replied jokingly.

A couple of minutes DS2 emerged, still with lank, greasy locks, but - you've guessed it - perfectly applied eye liner...