Bitchy girls - what to do ?

[desertmum]

My 14 year old daughter is getting threats on Facebook from girls at school - they have all turned into a pack against her and have threatened that she 'will get it in the face', 'better not show her face at school or else' etc. She went in today and braved it out but is horribly upset and unhappy. She is usually such a confident and happy child but she is scared now. I had hoped it would all blow over and today all would get back to normal (it all started yesterday) - but that's not happened. I want to go into school and get it sorted, she's worried it will make things worse . . She had a problem at the end of year 9 and now it's started again - mainly jealousy - and to think I wanted to try and help her 'best friend' who has the vomitting problem - let her get on with it I say. So how do I resolve this without making it worse ? It makes me really mad as she's at a private school - but unfortunately it's full of the children of overpaid yobs!
OK, rant over.

I was bullied at private school and it is horrendous, but you do need to go and see her teacher/head. I wish I had actually told my parents how bad it was as I hated every single day of my school years.

Sorry to hear your DD is having such a hard time.

Firstly, make sure you save all of these threats and keep printed out copies.

I would talk to your dd and get her to agree that this needs to be taken up with the school firstly. I know your DD will think that this will make it worse, but how can it be worse than her being 'horribly upset and unhappy'. If they are doing this to her, they will probably be doing / do it to sbdy else as well - their behaviour needs to be stopped.

When you approach school, I would take the paper copies in wiht you and tell the school in no uncertain terms that if they don't sort it out, you will be forced to call in the police. This hard line should force the school to sort it out. You need them to have a plan of action to sort it out and to protect your DD whilst she is in their care.

I know this seems a bit 'hard line' but schools - in my experience only with a relative - will not do much unless it is tackled really clearly and brought to their attention early.

Good luck, let us know what your DD thinks.

I too hated school - was at an all girls school and it was horrendous so I do feel for her - it makes my heart hurt. I have had these girls in my house, fed them, listened to them, let them sleep in my spare beds - no more.
My daughter it just so against us going into school - but it is getting no better - have made her logout of MSN so they are sending nasty messages via her brother's MSN - how sad is that ?

I also second keeping a record and if not satisfied by the schools help then go to the police.

I would print out paper copies and show them to the parents of these girls if you know them, warn them that you are speaking to school and possibly the police if it continues.

I would point out to your dd that it can't really get much worse, so what has she got to lose?!

Good luck.

tell the school. there was also talk of making text/facebook bullying a crime, (not sure if it bacame law) but threaten police.
encourage your daughter to make new friends. they're prob not htat popular with other kids at school, and if people see she's breaking away from them, they may be happy to get to know her.
they sound like very insecure & unhappy girls.

the school have a duty of care & should do something. if not, i'd contact police & get their parents involved bullies will only stop if people stand up to them

I had no luck with the head of my dd's year at her schol when she wa sbeing told she would have her face bashed in and even a threat to push her under a car.

I phoned the police when we received a text to her sister's mobile saying 'tell your sister we know where you live, if she doesn't fight we will kill her!'

The police accompanied me into school (was great when i phoned the head of year and told her rather than asked her that we would be going into school that afternoon. I told her she needed to take note of the crime reference number too....she all of a sudden became VERY helpful!

The police were great, they told the girls involved that they could all be prosecuted(not just anyone who touched her) by 'inciting a crime'. Most of the girls were in tears or very apologetic afterwards. They were told the crime file would remain open and at any time they could be questioned (with their parents) at home or at the police station.

Don't let the school tell you this is nothing to worry about.

Children have been excluded at my school for online bullying - they seem to take it quite seriously, especially as it's there in black and white. Unfortunately quite often allegations of bullying are based on hearsay (as the bullies are careful to do it away from adults) and it's very difficult to do anything about it without evidence, but screenshots or printouts should mean the school really has to act.

The big problem for us is that we live in a foreign country so the police possibly won't be much help. However, the father of the main instigator (they are all British girls) works for a UK Government related organisation and they have strict rules re their employees behaviour and that of their families so will go down that route if I have to - it will scare the whatsit out of her. Plan to go into school tomorrow to get it sorted as she is very scared someone will physically hurt her. Some of the girls concerned have huge issues two induce vomitting after eating, two have been bullied themselves and one self harms - doesn't make my daughter feel any better tho. Why is life so tough ?

think you can talk to facebook about the bullying messages?

Your poor poor DD

Girls can be such bitches - and they when the coven splits up, they apparently all hated the ringleader anyway!

I do feel for you - dd has just been on the phone saying that she has no-one to go to lunch with, and I feel gutted for her, but she is handling it pretty well now. At 14 she would have been in pieces.

I would talk to the parents - they are the ones with ultimate control over their kids - and perhaps try and convince your dd that this sort of behaviour normally comes about through jealousy.

Hi, have talked with the school who are going to have a talk about MSN Facebook useage. DD is very worried about us talking to the parents and begging us not to. Things have calmed down and she is doing great. She is being pleasant (hello, goodbye) to the witches but keeping them at a distance. She has blocked them all on MSN and deleted them as friends on Facebook. They gave her a bit of a hard time about that but she told them I had made her do it - which I had - it was that or no internet access. I really do object to us being harrassed in our own home. We have printouts of some of the threats and insults, so will hold onto them just in case it starts again. She has re-assessed her friendship group and is now more warey of forgiving and forgetting as this has happened before and they all made up and she became best friends with them again . . . Fool me once . . . and so forth.

Sorry about your daughter, it really is hard being a mum isn't it ? It breaks my heart but also she has mde me so proud this week going into school despite being scared and screamed and yelled at. I just keep telling her she is better than them and to remember how awful it was so she doesn't join in with people ganging up on others in the future.

Personally I want to slap them and rant at their parents, but we are better than that and shall keep acting with dignity. However, none of them will ever set foot in my house again.

You just want to protect them, but infact you need to give them the ammunition to protect themselves........and not a machine gun!

Glad she's coping.