How do you show a united front when you disagree with your partner's views?

[Jampot]

Specifically, we have all been very much looking forward to the start of Shameless on Ch 4 which was on last night at 10pm. Ds likes it too although he is 12. Dh told him the other night if he went to bed at a sensible time then he would be allowed to stay up and watch it. I was out last evening and got back in time to settle down to watch it, dh had during the course of the evening been imposing other conditions on ds watching it which he had complied with (after some discussion) then at the last minute dh said he couldnt watch it because he hadnt done the jobs in dh's timescale. A massive argument ensued and dh looked to me to support him. I kept out of it as I hadnt been here over the evening and dh ended up taking the card out of the tv (Virgin media) so no one could watch it.

How would you have dealt with this? I tried to explain to dh that he cant keep imposing fresh condition as he goes along but he thinks this is ok.

mmmm doesn't seem very fair on your ds. DS will not have any incentive to do things and keep his end of the bargain if your dh keeps changing the goalposts.

I'm afraid I'm not very good at keeping a united front if I think dh is being unfair.

You need to discuss this with your DH. Your DH should have stuck eith what he origanally said to your Ds, it was unfair on your Ds to change them.
I wouldn't be able to support my DH if I thought he was unfair but I would talk to him about way I thought that,

put it into adult terms for your dh

your dh does a job for a reward.

if the person asking him to do that job then said that actually he has to do 10 thngs for the same reward

as an adult your dh would think it grossly unfair.

this may turn into a alpha male - not saying sorry thing.in my house, we have a culture of saying sorry if you have done wrong, its not all that easy if you haven't got that culture - but worth encouraging

I did explain exactly that to dh last night. If he had a target to achieve a bonus and he achieved it then they moved the goalposts he would pissed. I think you're probably right its an alpha male thing. Also his dad used to do this, dangle a carrot then snatch it away.

He's given me strict instructions not to let ds watch shameless on catch up when he comes in and he's not allowed to watch it again!

You shouldn't be thinking in terms of a united front, imo.

Your dh is in the wrong on this one, good luck in getting him to see that.

pc bluster aside - i would tell my dh to go fuck himself.

snatching car...stict instructions! yeah ok mate knob

card

No united front necessary here. Your DH was being grossly unfair. Its done now though and cant be gone back on.

Start afresh by having private adult discussion with DH expalining how he would feel and felt as a child when his father did it.

As an aside, you could have taped it to watch at a better time the next day.

Sorry, just read that DH won't let him watch it at all now. Well who is the child here then?

yes have tried talking to dh before about this sort of thing. Thing is, I dont want to obviously undermine him BUT as i said to him last night, I cant let the children see Im being a twat too by agreeing with him!

I think you need to talk to dp privately and explain again why changing the goalposts isn't fair.

As an aside - is Shameless suitable for a 12 year old???? [boring old fart emoticon]

no its not