teenage daughter is single mother .

[cloggie]

Dis mother but not really coping with life.We look after child a lot (he is lovely) but D seems unhappy and a bit lost.Anyone in similar situation? I need advice/talk.

I was a single mother at age 21 and it was hard. It feels really lonely when all your friends are out having a good time and your stuck at home with the baby.

I know you say you have the baby a lot but does she have time away from you and the baby? Could you set a regular day/night she can have free to be a teenager?

Thanks for message. D. lives with us and goes out more or less when she likes. I wonder if we've looked after child too much and got between them?

Maybe. I lived alone. I couldn't have stood having my mum there all the time as I felt she interfered and undermined the way I did things.

Thanks for message. D. lives with us and goes out more or less when she likes. I wonder if we've looked after child too much and got between them? It must be lonely when friends leave home for uni etc and she's stick here.She has to share room with child who is past babyhood.

Thanks for message. D. lives with us and goes out more or less when she likes. I wonder if we've looked after child too much and got between them? It must be lonely when friends leave home for uni etc and she's stuck here.She has to share room with child who is past babyhood.

I do wonder if she's depressed. She has a lot of trouble getting out of bed. She's 20 now.

Maybe encourage her to enroll in a college course? And find her a place of her own.

Yes its very hard when all your friends are going doing all the things you planned to do. I still feel regret about it now. But its the end of your life and doesn't mean that all your plans are over forever.

I'd be happy to chat to her via msn if she wants. It sounds like she is in similar place to me a few years ago.

I'm much happier now. I have a job and a lovely DH and DD2 and we are about to move into a house he bought for us.

Her friends will catch up to her and she will make new ones along the way and slowly start to feel like she is regaining some life of her own again.

It's not the end of her life.

My Daughter was 17 when she had my granddaughter and her and her partner lived with us for 6 months in a very overcrowded environment. We let them have our room and my partner and I and our baby slept downstairs. She was very depressed for a good year and still has her moments now although I think a large part is to do with her struggling relationship with her ex partner who still insists on living in 'their' house on the sofa. She has a beautiful 2 bed house which she tries her hardest to keep on top still only being 18 and has returned to complete her last year of sixth form and has just applied for universities close by to do nursing degree. She doesnt always cope well but I am so proud of her and we have had to find the very difficult line of being there for them constantly and not interfering. I have the baby every school day and babysit overnight occassionally. She still goes out to concerts and clubbing about once a fortnight and although im sure she sometimes is overwhelmed by how her life has turned out Im sure in a year or two she wouldnt have it any other way.
I agree in trying to help her get her own place help her work out a budget and a timetable eg once a fortnight you will have baby overnight so she can go out etc. Its much harder not to say anything when its under your nose in your own home. It doesnt have to be college or a job my daughter took a year out just to take stock but I encouraged her to do things she might not have otherwise had the time to do if she hadnt had some time out of school swimming, going on days to the zoo farm etc she would also go and stay with other relatives for a weekend with baby to give her a break from me and this house and to give her more confidence to cope without me. We also bought her a really cheap about 300 I think caravan which we would tow to local sites for a weekend for her if she needed to escape. I let her have her own cupboard for food in the kitchen her own shelf in the fridge and her own time to do her washing etc. She made all her own baby foods for weaning which whilst making sure baby got fed really well also taught her how to make shepherds pies fish pies etc for when she moved out. It may take time but you need to start backing off allowing her space to do things HER way shopping for her food and cooking it doing her washing etc whilst trying to get her somewhere to live. good luck ours is still an uphill struggle it sometimes feels like we have an extra house to clean and keep but I dont regret any of it and I know she doesnt. You can always chat to me if you need to.

Cloggie

My DN had her DS 1.5 years ago she is 19.

She took to motherhood well at first but then after a few knockbacks things took a change for the worse and she didnt even want to look at her DS.

She has been very depressed and described medication but TBH this made the situation worse as she pushed the baby away even more - the doctor has now prescribed a herbal tablet and she is slowly getting back to her old self but finds it really hard having to cope with "growing up" herself and looking after a child.

I think watching your friends get on with life, getting a career, learning to drive etc has been very difficult but she is beginning to realise now that she can have these things too.

Does your daughter have any local support - young mum's club or similar (I know my DN found this helpful)as she could speak to young girls in the same position as her and they would regularly go on trips with the babies

your DD is very lucky that she has you and that you are very supportive.

I understand what you are saying about having the child too much and getting between them - my Dsis has often wondered that herself but at the end of the day you are her mum and will do whatever you have to do to support her and if she needs help caring for the baby then that is what you have to do.

I really wish you well with them both for the future - I really do know what a difficult position you are in at the moment.

i fell pregnant with my son at 17 and had him at 18. im 23 now and a mother of 2. i lived with my mother in law until end of last year. i can understand that she wants to have her own life but i think you have to be tough with her and tell her she got herself in to this situation and its not her childs fault. she may feel that because you r happy to look after the baby that she can take your help for granted. she has to take resposability other wise her child will grow up and she will realise she has missed out on the most amazing expeirance and by then its to late to change things i know its horrible but you have to be straight with her for the sake of her and the child. she will be fine. i was i had no help around she will still be able to go out say once a month or so if you r willing to babysit but she has to sort out her priorites asap. i did and i now am finally getting my life sorted im starting collage and i got married. all the best.

I had my first son a week after my ninteenth birthday and I had only just left sixth form when I found out I was pregnant. It was the most difficult time of my life and I resented having to grow up. I don't mind admitting I was an appalling mother- I had depression and he had asd. But I did turn a corner eventually. It helped when I went to uni and involved myself in something.
You sound very supportive..... My mum never looked after my son. My youngest sibling was only eighteen months older than him.
I wish you all the best...

I wouldn't be harsh with her, I was only 17 when I had my son and once when rolling my eyes at ds having a temper tantrum my mother said "nobody said it was going to be easy!", I didn't ever think it would be let alone deserve a comment like that! Kind of felt that I'd been doing a good job and was being knocked off my perch! That's stuck with me and at the time it made me feel like cack!
She'll be ok, it's really hard being a young mum but it gets better! Does your daughter come on here? Maybe she could talk to other young mums or us older ones who've been through it already x