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[stressedowt]

can someone please help? im new to this and not sure if this is right but i need some advise.
my 14y(only just 14) old daughter has gone from a sweet pleasent child to someone i dont know in the space of a week!To cut a long story short,i was so suspicious of her that i read her chat logs(i know this was wrong and ive never done it before)and found out firstly she is smokin,2nd she slept out with a huge gang when i thought she was at her friends house and 3rd she is planning having sex with her boyfriend of 1 week!!!
Do i tell her ive read her chat logs and loose the little bit trust we have or keep quiet and hope she is more sensible.we actually had a chat about having sex before i read the chat logs and she sounded really sensible but now i dont know what to do.

I wouldnt tell her you read them if I were you - she will be devestated and will find it hard to trust you again (only my opinion)

Kids say stuff to their mates just to make themselves sound 'cool' or whatever.

DOnt make a habit of reading her chat logs and maybe just sit down and have a chat with her about the smoking etc (without letting her know that you know IYSWIM)

Stressedowt - my dd's 17, I discovered she'd slept with a boy when she was 15 because I read a diary entry of hers the day after. I confronted her about it immediately. I have not lost her trust, she knows I looked because I was worried.

When she went onto the contraceptive injection shortly afterwards - she stopped having random boyfriends, in fact in the whole time she was on it, she wasn't sexually active.

Having taken the decision to go to the doctors, (who won't dispense the injection without knowing the girl is aware of the implications, dangers etc of being sexually active) Woke her up to what sex was all about.

Teenagers are a minefield (one minute you're their best friend, the next their full of scorn and mistrust) What I think they want from us is a solid support, someone who will withstand the storms and help them through what I can only see as crushing insecurity.

I would not be able to help confronting dd if I'd seen her chat pages and she was talking about having sex at 14. You have to be the adult for her.

take her to doctor and get precautions and et the nurse have a chat.

i would remind her that if her boyfriend is under 16 that he can be prosecuted for statuatory rape - which wil fuck up his chances of most careers. If she loved HIM she woud think about this.

if she sleeps out, don't you get ohone numbers etc?

oh you poor thing, what a shock

do you mean you read her msn chat logs?

how do you do that ?

Hi there stresseowt, I posted this on another thread, but have copied it here. I understand how you feel, it's a combination of shock (at what your DD is doing), guilt (for looking at her private information) and concern (about her protecting herself physically and emotionally).

I have just discovered (in DD2s room) a leaflet about the morning after pill, advice about the pill and some condoms. She is 15 and has been with her boyfriend for about 3 months.

My experience from DD1 is not to confront her directly as this makes her angry that I have been "snooping" - which I have, and only results in her becoming secretive. Instead I use the knowledge to start a conversation on a relevant topic.

I am a bit shocked about DD2, but I have to put that aside because it is not helpful. She is in the midst of the HPV virus injections at school so I will use that opportunity to have a discussion with her about responsible sex, avoiding STDs etc.

I have been clear with her and her boyfriend that when they stay here they must sleep in separate rooms, and when she stays at his house I speak to his parents to reinforce the same.

I have little choice but to accept that DD2 is probably having a sexual relationship, but I will not condone it in my house, and at the same time I have a responsibility to make sure she is safe.

It's a minefield!