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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is it legal to leave sons home alone

20 replies

MrsTucky · 23/11/2008 20:36

Hi there
I've got 2 sons, aged 16, and the other's 14 in January.
I left my 16 yr old home alone for the 1st time a couple of months ago whilst we visited the inlaws in Scotland...not quite 3 hrs drive from us.
We're going up again soon, and my (almost) 14 yr old wants to stay at home with his eldest brother. (OUr 2 daughters will be coming with us). Is it legal for the 16 yr old to be in charge of the 13 yr old. The 16yr old is VERY mature, and his girlfriend is very sensible too....in other words, I trust them totally.
HOw does the law stand on this, do you know?
Be so grateful for you help...my younger lad is begging me to stay here..and I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 23/11/2008 20:38

I don't think there is any actual law about this.

I can't see what the problem is - in fact I'm amazed that you haven't left them alone before now!

I would happily leave my DSs on their own, at 16 and 13. If it's overnight, which I have done once, I have a friend who lives a few doors down the road who looks out for them.

The only thing I wouldn't be happy with is knowing that there might be a girlfriend on the scene.

nigglewiggle · 23/11/2008 20:41

There's no legal age-limit. But if something went wrong, they would consider whether your actions were reasonable based on the age and capabilities of the children and the circumstances ie, how long you left them for, whether anyone was checking on them etc.

Sorry it's not more precise for you.

nigglewiggle · 23/11/2008 20:41

There's no legal age-limit. But if something went wrong, they would consider whether your actions were reasonable based on the age and capabilities of the children and the circumstances ie, how long you left them for, whether anyone was checking on them etc.

Sorry it's not more precise for you.

nigglewiggle · 23/11/2008 20:44

Someone with the same name agrees! Oops!

catweazle · 23/11/2008 20:49

You know your kids. I wouldn't leave any of mine under 16, and was very worried when we left them overnight for the first time at 18 (ADHD) and 16.

As others have said the law is iffy. For us the consideration was whether there was anyone else they could call in an emergency who could get there quickly.

moshie · 23/11/2008 20:56

Two boys the same age as yours were left overnight a few years ago in a house near me. There was a fire in the house, luckily no-one was hurt, but social services got involved. It was seen as negligent that the older boy was supposed to be looking after the younger I think.

Original poster
MrsTucky · 23/11/2008 21:12

We're going to be away for the Fri and Sat night, return Sun lunch time. THey ARE good kids, and I have no concerns about the girlfriend being about. She came on holiday with us, and virtually live's here as it is.
The problem is I find it hard to let go, as a lot do. Is it too much being away for 2 nights? Would I be pushing it leaving them for 2 nights?
Oh god, it's a hard one this. I still don't know what to do. As hubby just said, "we've got to let go at some point, but it's just so hard to do, and wether we're doing the right or wrong thing"
I still welcome people's comments and views on this.
THanks very much for your input so far

OP posts:
nigglewiggle · 23/11/2008 21:17

Do you have a neighbour who you could ask to keep an eye on them. I think if you covered that, it would seem a lot more reasonable.

Original poster
MrsTucky · 23/11/2008 21:23

Yeah, there's youngest son's friends mam, next door neighbour, their nana lives 5 mins away, and we're pretty close to girlfriend's family too.
SO you reckon it'd be ok as long as people watching out for the boys, and the boys got people to call on in times of need?

OP posts:
nigglewiggle · 23/11/2008 21:32

It sounds like a cop-out, but only you know your kids. I would think with nana and friend's mam nearby and actively keeping an eye on them, then it sounds reasonable to me. But the most important thing is that you are happy that they will be ok.

cory · 23/11/2008 21:37

When I was 16 I stayed on my own in a hotel in a foreign city. My parents were certainly not negligent or careless, they just knew me well and knew that I would be scrupulous about sticking to any agreement (stay in room after supper etc). 16 is only two years off normal leaving home/going to uni age.

mumeeee · 23/11/2008 22:05

I think a 16 year old is to young to be left at home over night and I definatly would not let a 13 year old stay home. When our children were that age they had to come with us.

AbricotsSecs · 23/11/2008 22:11

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AbricotsSecs · 23/11/2008 22:13

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BecauseImWorthIt · 24/11/2008 08:24

So I could send my 16 year old out to work but not trust him to look after his 13 year old brother?!

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 24/11/2008 08:41

Fwiw, I had my own flat when I was 16.

I'd say it really depends on how responsible your 13 year old is. Would he listen to his older brother if there was a disagreement about something?

mrspnut · 24/11/2008 08:50

The legal bit would be an offence under section 1 of the Children and Young Persons Act 1933 to neglect or abandon a child under the age of 16 for whom a parent or carer has responsibility, but the law gives no detail of what amounts to neglect or abandonment.

So your 16 year old is exempt from that anyway, and as you can leave a child that you have responsibility for with a carer who is 16 or older and transfer responsibility to them for the duration then you can meet that requirement as well.

I would be guided by how likely it is that your younger son would listen to his brother.

If they aren't likely to fight, know how to get help if they need it and you can get someone to check on them every day then I would do it.

monkeymonkeymonkey · 24/11/2008 09:22

If you are comfortable with it I think it sounds OK. You will have people looking out for them, and you can phone them and make sure things are OK, and you could return home early if there was a problems.

Nighbynight · 24/11/2008 09:27

I would leave them I think, BUT I would phone at bedtime and remind them what they have to do before going to bed (check that hotplates are switched off, lock doors etc).

Would not leave them if I thought that they would smoke. Am paranoid about fire risk.

Also, we have several good neighbours where my children could go for help in other situations, eg first aid.

Original poster
MrsTucky · 26/11/2008 14:26

Thank you very much for all your comments, they have been helpful.
I DO trust my boys, they're good lads on the whole..(especially the 16yo. He's got an old head on young shoulders)
You're right that only I can make this decision, that only I know if the boys are trustworthy etc.
Anyway a teacher of DS2 phoned yesterday to say his English work has not been up to scratch lately. So I'm gong to say to son that he has to come with us as if he can't be trusted to do his school work, how can I trust him at home alone. The decision has been taken from me, this time....phew .
DS2 is going to be gutted, but at least it'll encourage him to 'get his finger out' at school, and get on on with his work.
Thanks again Mumsnetter's

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