Help! Sex and teenage DS dilemma!

[mypinkmonkey]

My eldest DS is 15, 16 at Christmas and has had same girlfriend since June - she is only just 15. chatting about summer holidays at weekend he asked if she could come with us. His assumption was that they could share a bedroom. DH had blue fit as she would still be under 16. A talk the following day revealed that DS regards whole deal as nothing to do with us and not interested in discussing it with us. Obviously that hurt a lot as we have always had full and frank discussions in the past. Anyway should I keep them apart when she visits / speak to her parents / or just resign myslf to the inevitable!!

Tell him that when he pays for his own holiday he can choose who he shares a room with.

How does the law stand on this - would it be classed as statutory rape? If so you can't really be seen to allow it. Maybe you should have a quiet word about contraception, though.

Teenage sex is much more exciting when it's secret, anyway!

If it's in your house, and they are still underage then it is very much to do with you! I agree with Carmenere re the holiday - no way should they be sharing a room. When she visits the house, I guess you have to find some compromise between giving them privacy and how you feel about the possibility that they are having sex. I think I'd be stopping my DS (also just turned 15) from having the opportunity to go all the way in my house!

It would be illegal in the UK certainly - it might depend on what country you went to. I think the question is more a moral/ethical one though? I wouldn't allow it and would do the old person thing of talking to them together and seperately about it. You can't deceive her parents certainly.

Sleeping with a partner in a parents house/holiday home/hotel is a privilege (assuming both parties are of age) and not a right to be assumed. I'm with Carmenere.

You might have to keep a close eye on them though or they might sneak off anyway.

i think with that attitude that i wouldnt allow her to come on holiday at all.

if they want to have sex they will, although i agree that you can't be seen to condone it - you must make sure that your son is as well informed and protected as he can be.

its harder with boys - with girls you can give them the pill and thats that but you can't make sure a boy wraps his willy.

so either he can go and get the free ones or buy some for him

you do need a discussion about statuatory rape

your son could be on the sex offenders register if her parents decide to prosecute.

this would be seriously harmful to his future.

Do not resign yourself to any inevitable - you have to set a firm and clear example to your son.

Your son is wrong and is certainly acting his age - it is a whole lot to do with you besides which you control the purse strings. She should not be going on holiday with you. If he's acting like this as well i.e regarding the whole deal as nothing to do with you then he is also in no way emotionally mature enough to handle a potential sexual relationship (and possible pg as a result).

They are both very young (they certainly don't have any life experience) and may well have gone their separate ways by the time next summer comes around.

Even if she gives consent your son would still be breaking the law by having intercourse with her as she is under 16. Also the sentence for such an offence can be two years.

can someone please help? im new to this and not sure if this is right but i need some advise.
my 14y(only just 14) old daughter has gone from a sweet pleasent child to someone i dont know in the space of a week!To cut a long story short,i was so suspicious of her that i read her chat logs(i know this was wrong and ive never done it before)and found out firstly she is smokin,2nd she slept out with a huge gang when i thought she was at her friends house and 3rd she is planning having sex with her boyfriend of 1 week!!!
Do i tell her ive read her chat logs and loose the little bit trust we have or keep quiet and hope she is more sensible.we actually had a chat about having sex before i read the chat logs and she sounded really sensible but now i dont know what to do.

Stressedowt, you will probably get better responses if you start up your own thread for this. There are not too many people around at this time but if you start a thread now and can come back and post on your thread again tomorrow then there are plenty of people who will give you some excellent advice.

Sorry I can't help as I have not been here yet, however I will watch with interest as my dd is fast approaching this age

thank you NCbirdy i will do that tomorro.
probably wont get much sleep tonight so i will be on first thing

I know it must be hard, for what it is worth I record dds conversations. I have never yet had reason to read them and I hope won't (but I know I will of course!) I do not envy your situation at all

Stressedowt - my dd's 17, I discovered she'd slept with a boy when she was 15 because I read a diary entry of hers the day after. I confronted her about it immediately. I have not lost her trust, she knows I looked because I was worried.

When she went onto the contraceptive injection shortly afterwards - she stopped having random boyfriends, in fact in the whole time she was on it, she wasn't sexually active.

Having taken the decision to go to the doctors, (who won't dispense the injection without knowing the girl is aware of the implications, dangers etc of being sexually active) Woke her up to what sex was all about.

Teenagers are a minefield (one minute you're their best friend, the next their full of scorn and mistrust) What I think they want from us is a solid support, someone who will withstand the storms and help them through what I can only see as crushing insecurity.

I would not be able to help confronting dd if I'd seen her chat pages and she was talking about having sex at 14. You have to be the adult for her.

I have just discovered (in DD2s room) a leaflet about the morning after pill, advice about the pill and some condoms. She is 15 and has been with her boyfriend for about 3 months.

My experience from DD1 is not to confront her directly as this makes her angry that I have been "snooping" - which I have, and only results in her becoming secretive. Instead I use the knowledge to start a conversation on a relevant topic.

I am a bit shocked about DD2, but I have to put that aside because it is not helpful. She is in the midst of the HPV virus injections at school so I will use that opportunity to have a discussion with her about responsible sex, avoiding STDs etc.

I have been clear with her and her boyfriend that when they stay here they must sleep in separate rooms, and when she stays at his house I speak to his parents to reinforce the same.

I have little choice but to accept that DD2 is probably having a sexual relationship, but I will not condone it in my house, and at the same time I have a responsibility to make sure she is safe.

It's a minefield!

notsoclever

What do you know about her boyfriend?. Have you met him?.

How old is her boyfriend?. If he is for instance in early 20s I would be seriously concerned because I'd be asking why can't he find someone more of his own age to go out with?.

There is a case in Scotland where a 22 year old man has been charged with sleeping with his 14 year old girlfriend. Her mother knew of their sexual relationship and let him stay overnight regularly in her house. She has not been charged with any offense but he (the mother and daughter were not named for legal reasons) is certainly in trouble with the law and has been placed on the Sex Offenders register. He will be sentenced in January. No one in that case has come out emotionally unscathed.

Actually as your DD is under 16 and is therefore the age of consent her boyfriend would be breaking the law if he was sleeping with your daughter. He could potentially be looking at a two year prison sentence.

Generally speaking are many teens simply unaware (or even not bothered) about the legal implications of such relationships particularly if the girl is below the age of consent?. The age of consent is there for a reason - it is to protect young people from potential harm.

I like the way you have dealt with this notsoclever.

15 year old dds are not easy!