Worried I don't like my daughter

[mrsmaidamess]

Can't be bothered to namechange,but I need some sense talking into me.

I feel so...disconnected from dd(13).I ask her to do things... its always when she's finished doing what she wants to do.
When her friends come round she's lippy, cocky and LOVES to try to humiliate me or dh or her brothers infront of her friends.

She begrudgingly helps out around the house, all the while tutting, eyerolling.

She is all over ds(5) but finds any reason she can to wind up and upset and belittle ds(7).

I am finding it increasingly hard to like her...we argue a lot. She never takes responsibility whne she has done something wrong. I am negative with her, I know I am...I was watching a video of when ds(7) was newborn and even then I'm saying "dd, get out of the shot, we've got loads of video of you"

If I heard anyone else talking to their dd the way she and I talk I would be appalled. but as we are both stubborn I find it hard to be nice to her, or loving. I don't like her at the moment...how awful does that sound?

Well yes her friends do think I'm cool. Not that that should matter (But secretly it does)

How many other mothers can claim to know all the words (and moves) to the latest Girls Aloud song?

Completely understand Mrsmaidamess.
Eldest DD now 19 but has been a trial,to say the least.She is just,and I mean just,getting a bit better,but that is probably because she more or less lives her own life now,and does not seek our approval(not that she ever did,really...)
I suppose what I mean is that I now don't have the same reasons to argue,eg I ignore her bedroom,never give curfews,don't 'interfere' in her life at all.
My God,the last 6 yrs or so have been hard though.And we have 3 more sets of teenage years to go

Do you think the boys will give you the same grief? I;m wondering if this is a mother/daughter thing.

Her friend's mums will probably think you are being very sensible!

That claiming of ignornance of things done wrong is not innocence...I remember doing a great deal of that myself at the same age

You don't need to blow up at her. You can tell her in advance that you will give her one chance by saying "That's enough thank you DD" and after that you will simply apologise to her friend for cutting short the visit but DD is not allowed to speak to her mother like that. No discussion with either of them, nice and calm. If DD starts ranting, let her - you can always point out at the time or later that she is embarrassing herself and making herself look like a little child.

It's what my mum did anyway and it worked for me. I was still a horror in private but I would not have disrespetced my mum in front of my friends.

Girls definitely worse imo.
See loads of adolescent girls on my ward and there are often huge problems at home.
Apparently someone did research and on average mums and teen daughters argue every day,mums and sons once a fortnight.
I have 2 more DDs and one DS so will be expert by the time we have finished!

mums and daughters and dads and sons. Clash of hormones!

i think a lot of teenagers are like that. But one thing maybe that could be the reason she is like that (IMO) (is she the oldest child) If she is the oldest child then she will most likely feel ignored which does encourage this sort of behaviour kind of like an attention seeking thing. Just my opinion. I am the oldest child and i always felt really rubbish as i felt nobody cared about me, just my younger siblings. try and spend some good quality time together.

I have one of those too. I know exactly how you are feeling. Things got so bad before christmas I thought I just can't take anymore. Anyway she went of to spend christmas and new year with her dad for 2 weeks so I'm getting a break from all the argueing and shite. She has actually spoken to me more on the phone than she has in 4 months at home. I'm really missing her (the way she used to be) and if nothing has changed when she comes back, at least I will have re-charged my batteries.

I feel for you. My dd (12.5) was just a nightmare before christmas-rude, totally unreasonable,treating the house like a hotel, refusing to help unless paid and completely stroppy. I seemed to spend all my time treading on egg shells wondering when she would blow up.

We reached boiling point the Friday when I had just had enough and refused to take her to a sleepover at a friends house.

In the end we decided it wasn't fair on the girl who had asked her (as only 10 mins notice) so I took her and told her no sleepovers until after Christmas (which we had previously said she could have) and banned her from MSN for 4 days.

An amazing transformation since then and she has been lovely all over Christmas.

I agree it is important that you pick your battles carefully but sometimes letting them know that certain behaviours are not acceptable and finding something to ban that they really care about can be amazingly effective.