Just found out my son is playing truant. Help!

[AMAZINWOMAN]

I thought my 13 year old son was happy at a school. He does his homework without me asking, has friends and is generally very loving and laid back.

But I got a letter from the welfare officer!

It turns out that my son said HATES dance, so has been taking a few days off at a time to make has "fake illness" look more genuine. He has been doing this every other week.

He has been phonong school himself, and as his voice has broken and he sounds very confident on the phone, school have thought he was an adult and marked it as an authorised absence!

He says he like school, apart from dance, and if he didn't have to do dance he would never have stayed off school.

Although he has asked for a note for dance, I have always refused. My attitude is that unless you're physically green, then you have to go to school and get on with it.

I asked him why he didn't like dance, and he said there was a problem with some people but now it had been sorted. And that it won't happen again. He said there isn't anything I can do about it. But that's not the reason he hates dance. He says why should he have to do it, its not part of the curriculum etc

I'm trying to make an appointment with his head of year (she's a lovely woman) but it's half term. He has dance on his first day back, so I doubt I will be able to see his head of year first.

Do I just write a note for Dance on Monday so at least he gets to school?

I don't even know what the school will say, but if dance is complusory I don't think they will excuse him otherwise lots of kids will want to be excused!

I'm really fed up as welfare are just saying its my responsibility, but aren't offering ma any tips on how to solve the situation!

One way round it, is to just say he has sore leg every two weeks until the end of year 9. But I don't like lying, and it means my son is learning that by truanting you avoiding the lesson you want to!

But if it's the only way I can get him to school, should I just do it?

Do you work? If not, can you lead him into school every morning, to ensure he gets there/put him off further truanting?
Dunno; mine are 1 and 3!

I work.

My son gets ready for school, and stands at the bus stop. When he knew I was on my way to work, he would go back home.

Arrange a meeting with you, him, head of year, form tutor and the head? Make him realise it's a BIG DEAL, and you're entirely on the school's side, to nip it in the bud. I really wouldn't give him a note.
Tell him if he ever does it again, you'll remove something he loves (computer games? half his clothes? pocket money?)

Message withdrawn

why does he have to do dance? Couldn't you side with him on this then at least he's at school and getting some education.

Not only has he been truanting but he was very deceitful in ringing up the school. That takes a lot of confidence and is a little bit scary. What has he been doing while missing school? Who has he been hanging out with?
I would make a big deal out of this, and would tell him that if he has probs with other kids then he has to tell you so that you can help. If he doesn't, then . Harsh, I know but I work with truanting kids. Also, make sure your family/friends now, he may have a burst of bad behaviour once you clamp down and you'll need support.
I'm afraid the welfare officer is right, your child's attendance is your responsibility as he/she can't ensure your child is in every lesson or every day. I wouldn't excuse him from dance, if he is being bullied (worst case scenario) then he will feel like a victim. Talk to him, year head, class teacher everyone and don't panic. It is quite "normal" to wag class at some stage just not this early and not with such deceit. hth

I think you need to go into the school with him and ask to speak to head of year, first thing on Monday. You need to get to the bottom of this or he will pull this stunt every time he dislikes a particular lesson - not necessarily just dance.

I do think it is awful that they make this the parents' responsibility, but offer no assistance in ensuring that full attendance happens. When you work, you can't always walk your child through the school door and, even if you did, there's no guarantee that said child wouldn't walk straight out another door. If the problem is in school, the school must offer some help.

You need to find out WHY he hates dance so much. Sometimes teenage boys can be cruel to each other and start making homophobic taunts.
This kind of thing happened to my brother when he had to do gym and he used to try and get out of it.
Why can't he do something else? What kind of school makes young teenage boys dance anyway?

Thanks, everyone.

So far, I have taken the approach that it's a problem for him and I need to talk to the school to see what we can do. My son was relieved when I found out, and says he likes school, just not dance!

I'm scared if I force him to dance on Monday, he will just refuse to go to school at all. But then if I write a note, he may think he got away with it.

I think the school will be more supportive than the welfare officer. I know it's my responibility to get him to school, but a few tips would have helped! Now I just feel under so much pressure to get it solved, but with no tips/support or advice!

8 days he has missed, and every year since primary he has had 100% attendance.

I do think it may have been boys making comments, but my son is saying there isn't anything I can do! And won't tell me anything, apart from there was a problem with some people, but now it has been sorted and it won't happen again. He refuses to discuss it any more.

Normally, my son is easy going, I have never had a problem with him! And the only plus side (if there is one) is that he has respected my decision in the past that I won't write fake notes, and that he has independtly tried to solve this dance issue by himself. He has thought about it too, by phoning the school up.

I wish his Dad was still alive to help.

My son loathed dance at that age as well, although don't think he had problems with the class, but used to moan about it incessantly.

Some kids are not athletic and really dread things like this. A boy in my form used to call PE "Ritual Group Humiliation".

You need to speak to dance teacher and head of year. I also don't think it is normal to wag lessons. I teach in a massive comp, and only a few play truant.

I would not make him do dance on Monday, until you have spoken to the school.

Dp had hell with his ds and sport. He wanted a note every lesson, he HATED it, and would get really upset before it. This went on for 4 years. DP went up to the school loads of times, but he still loathed it. Much more common than you think IME

HTH

If he says the problem is now sorted out does that mean he will reluctantly do dance?

I think the real problem is that he won't tell you exactly why he doesn't want to do it and will make any meeting with the head of year quite difficult.

I assume this is part of PE. At DDs school they never seem to do one thing for longer than half a term (and she hates dance too). Do you know how many more weeks of this he will have to do.

If it were me I'd probably write a note for this week, but in return I'd expect him to tell me exactly what the probelm is so that it can be sorted completely.

Dance isn't popular here either, but is compulsory for years 7 to 9.

It sounds as though it's perhaps not the dance itself which is the problem, but some sort of personality clash. Maybe they had to work in groups and he was in a group with people he doesn't know. Who knows.

Pregnant Hedge Witch is right, imo.

My ds got a C2 (low effort) for dance in this half term's orders, but it really doesn't matter imo.

Just realised this thread is a few days old - have you spoken to the HOY yet?

My son said there is no need to go to HOY, as there isn't anything he can do, and that he is going to dance every week.

I still went to HOY and it was great. We both want to tackle this in the same way ie
there are consequences to his behaviour, and he has to deal with it but if it happens again, there will be discipline.

a win win situation for me, HOY and my son.
I have been so calm with my son all the time, and he has really appreciated it. He has even given me a few hugs!!!

the welfare office was awful, they didn't offer any suggestions, just outlined the fines I could face. They had lost my sons attendance though!!

This made me grin as my ds also 13 was moaning to me that they started dance yesterday. They seem to have linked it to silent movies and storytelling though, so he sees it as an extension of drama which he enjoys and said it wasn't too bad when he got home.

Glad you've resolved the situation.

I have just asked DS yr8 about dance. He says none of the boys do it, they all attend but they all mess around because they hate it and see it as a complete waste of time. . What a waste of a lesson. Why would dance be compulsory? I can see that some people might like it but surely it should be optional?

sorry amazinwoman I was of no help to you, I hope all went well and your DS relaises he is very lucky to have such a caring mum.

dance - what a crock of shit - mine had to do that - and both pissd about as ds thought it was an afront to his masculinity and dd is like a furry elephant due to being partially deaf from time to time.

fucking waste of time and resources.

anyway i agree with the advice given here - speak to head of year and i think you should also sort out communication

givethem your mobile number and then they can confirm with you if he is off.

unless you work for MI5 i think you can spare 30 secs at work.

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