Turning into a young man already?

[mumof2fabkids]

DS is 12 next week and we've organised for 5 new friends from his new school to come round then we're taking them to a restaurant/pizza then the cinema. It's not a party and very different to last year when we sent out invitations, girls came to it, he had a birthday cake, whole class invited. This year, it's exactly how he wants it, low key, no fuss, just a small group of friends - and it's soooooo different. Just wondering if this is what kids of this age do? He seems to have grown up so fast in just a few weeks, turning a bit teenagerish since he started High School in September, so I feel like I'm playing catch up on loads of things. Plus, he's my eldest so I'm learning to back off more, not ask so many questions, give him much more independence etc. Is this how it usually goes at this age? Feel like a novice!

DS grew up a huge amount both physically and mentally in Yr 7. He is just 13 (yr8) but today went into a mens clothes shop and bought him a pair of mens size jeans
His voice broke half way through year 7 and he has teenage spots. In the last year he now disappears into his bedroom to change clothes and won't let me in the bathroom when he is having a bath etc

Yes it is how it usually goes. My eldest is in year 10 and since yr8 hasnt let me in the bathroom etc and he is now is large mens clothes and is 5ft 10 its hard to believe that this young man is my baby. I dont ask many questions as he gets moody I have learnt to just let him chat to me which he does seem to do when I dont really say much to him, he likes it like that but I feel guilty as I dont want him to think I am not interested in him. On the other hand DS2 is in year 6 and he has now stopped letting me in the bathroom and started wearing lynx and showering twice a day and started getting moody so I think he might hit puberty earlier than DS1, so 2 moody boys in the house... oh what bliss

My charge (I'm a nanny) will turn 7 this weekend. He feels he is 'too old' for a big birthday party and is having some friends go to the cinema and then for pizza and a sleepover. Not allowed in the bathroom either. I'm dreading the teenage years!

I too am learning not to ask too many questions as he gets a bit moody with me when I do, but seems to open up more when he feels like it, so it's like we're on his time, not mine, and as I'm such a nosy cow, it's proving difficult. My youngest is just 10 and loves me asking about her day, teachers etc. Funny how things can change so fast in just 6 weeks. My DS is loving the Lynx (have you seen the price of it??) and showers daily without being asked. Didn't say anything about this in the parenting books I bought, did it?

Hello

My son wanted a low key birthday when he started secondary school as he was worried about leaving people out of his celebrations and also because he wasnt sure what was expected with his 'new' friends at secondary schools. He keeps in touch with his old friends from primary school and these are the ones that he feels he can relax a bit more though now in year 8 he is more confident with the 'new' friends. Secondary school is a big step and their confidence takes a knock. They've been the big fish in the small pond now they are the small fish in the big pond.

I think you have done a great job following his lead with what he wants to do with his party this year. Next year he might want something different.

Good luck

tiny2

This sounds absolutely normal - enjoy not having the fuss of the primary school party.
We have done the Pizza/cinema thing and have also done rock climbing/canoeing/mountain biking. Don't expect the friends to do the card & present thing either - it tends to be a card with £5/£10 note in as they get older.

Just a quick update - had party at weekend and his lovely friends, new and old, turned into a badly behaved, rude, childish, embarassing group of yobs. It was mortifying, what the hell happened? DH got quite stressed at the end as he's tried to be subtle and talked through gritted teeth all night for the sake of DS, but actually needed a stiff drink afterwards. We didn't think that this behaviour was unusual for them as they didn;t seem bothered about getting a telling off from us, that people were staring at them etc. They were awful in the cinema, spilling drinks, throwing popcorn etc, we had DS and 1 friend near us, they were fine, and DH and I in the middle as because there were 8 of us, we couldn't sit together as we got there a bit late and we just watched in shock for about 10 mins and decided we had to leave at this point. One of them came round yesterday and he didn't bat an eyelid, just carried on where he'd left off. stayed for tea and acted as he normally does round us, he's normally a great kid! At School today his mates thought the party was "awesome" - WTF?

poor you! My son's behaviour seems to deteriorate around his friends and the more there are of them the worse it gets!! Like they are egging each other on or something..quite strange but true! Did the other cinema goers object or was it just you as his parent that was feeling particularly sensitive? I wonder what would have happened if you hadnt been there?

tiny2

I still remember vividly attending my (male) friend's 12th birthday when I was a kid.

His mum forced him to invite me because our families are close so me and a token girl invited to keep me company joined him and around 7 of his friends.

It was awful.

I was only 12 and knew most of these boys already but I have never forgotten how unruly and immature and dreadful they were at that birthday party.

I think it's normal.

Tiny2 - Other cinema goers didn't say a word, just glared. Don't blame them at all. He's been to Cinema couple of times by himself with mates, no issues, so we were really surprised, though in fairness it wasn't him, he sat away from them, but now wonder if this happens when they go alone. DH wants to go in after them this weekend to "have a look" at what they're like alone, not sure, but need to be able to trust him. Now it explains why men behave like they do in pubs when the missus isn't around, just a much younger version.

My ds1 is 15 tomorrow, doesn't want to to anything then, but is going to see James Bond with his mates on Saturday. Now he can have a bunch of mates round and I have seen them all out together, and they are so well behaved. Not goody goodies or anything like that, still typical boys but just quite adult. Now ds2, a year younger is a different matter. His mates come round and it is like having a herd of elephants in the house. They are annoying and do stupid things. I have to really keep an eye on them. They will go in the kitchen to get a drink and we have an american fridge freezer with an ice machine and i have caught them flicking ice everywhere and so on. I have to watch them all the time and would never leave ds2 home with his mates while I popped out, not a chance. Ds is ok normally but when with mates reverts back in years, and they goad each other on. How 2 brothers so close in age can be so different amazes me.
And why is there always a line of al their smelly trainers in my hallway? Grim!!