Would you be concerned?

[fizzbuzz]

Dss started uni this term. We are now 7 weeks into the term (I think!)

He goes to his lectures...but that's it. Has made no friends, or been out anywhere at all with fellow students

He sees his gf every Friday and Saturday (daytime) In the evening he works on his course stuff. This inludes Saturday night Should he not be out mixing with his fellow students?????

Dp has tried to talk to him about this. He was quite hostile and reckoned dp was having a go at him for hanging round the house (Dp never mentioned these words)

He is quite sporty, but hasn't joined any clubs or uni gym. Would you be concerned?

Is he living at home?
It is very hard to get into the full swing of uni life if you stay at home imo
Hopefully in time he'll start going out with his mates but I don't think you should push it

Yes, he is living at home, and I agree it is very hard to get in swing of it when living at home.

However I was ignored when offering this advice! Not wanting to push it, but just a leetle bit concerned

My DD is in her second year of uni while living at home. In the first year it took her a couple of months to get into the full swing of it all after the initial madness of Freshers' Week. If y our DS has a gf outside the University bubble then one of the major reasons to socialize at university (meet the opposite sex!) doesn't apply so that will affect how much time he wants to spend on campus. Don't worry he will ease himself into it over time.

But he didn't take any part in Fresher's week either (not that I blame him mind!)

I think 2 months is fine to get into Full Swing, but he has been there nearly 2 months and hasn't even got to first swing...

(This thread is beginning to sound rude with all this reference to swinging!)

I am young enough to remember going to Uni. It's stressful enough without mum and dad hounding you about a social life. He'll develop one at his own pace. You can't and shouldn't force it.

Is this his usual habit and personality or is it out of character? Does he usually hang around with lots of friends and socialise a lot or is he more a home and girlfriend kind of person? If he is shy it is very hard to suddenly meet a whole new group of people and if he isn't living in halls or shared accommodation he is at a disadcantage.

If he is usually quite sociable then maybe you could suggest joining a club, perhaps related to his course.

No he's sociable, that's why we were a bit concerned. He had lot's of friends at college and went out a lot.

We haven't hounded him, it was just a way of checking that he was OK, and settling in, and ot struggling. However we will keep quiet on any future stuff, and let it develop at it's own pace. It's just such a contrast to the person he was when he was doing his A Levels, that's what triggered the concern.

We have suggested clubs, but nothing happened

I didn't make any friends for months - was studying in Lodnon so no 'campus' plus travelling to Bristol every free moment to see DH.
Maybe he just wants to see his gf?

LOL - it occurs to me that at that age, the main reason you go out is to get shit faced and pull so... I can see why he's not so interested!

I'm in fourth year at uni now and it is actually harder than you think to make friends. Everything is so hectic. The only friends I had in first year were the people who lived in my block. I am now friends with people in my lectures, but that's because the classes are finally much smaller. A big part of university is the social life and I can imagine it would be difficult to completely 'fit in' if you stay at home. It becomes easier once you are in second year because the other students are spread about in flats so it's not so 'cliquey'. I would really advise sports or social clubs. I didn't join any and I am now regretting it as many job applications want to know about the clubs that you joined, and the roles you played in them.

Is your ds actually concerned and unhappy about how his uni life is taking shape? Maybe he is enjoying things as they are. My son had a wild first year because he stayed in halls and this year he has decided to extend his friendships by joining the basketball and squash clubs. Taking up/continuing a sport is good all round, not only do they meet different people and feel part of a team but they feel better for it too.