Does anyone else have problems getting teenagers up for work?

[Evenstar]

DS1 has just started an apprenticeship and it was his first day yesterday. I was woken up by the man who was collecting him at 05.55 ringing the door bell. He was already 10 minutes late and had not moved from his bed despite alarm going off constantly from 5 am. They were fine about it but I feel it is a problem for him. I have bought him another alarm clock to put on the other side of the room, but does anyone have any other suggestions. In the current economic climate he can't afford to lose this job or be labelled a poor timekeeper.

It really is up to him to stir his lazy arse of a morning, I'm afraid. I know teenagers need their sleep and I'm not unsympathetic (my sons are 18 and 21), but he'll have to get to bed earlier and make up lost sleep on the weekend. How was he today?

Perhaps a serious talk on the subject of cold, hard cash, what it'll buy and the need to work for it would help?

This morning he didn't have to be up as he didn't start work until 11.30, but he is working till 1am. He invited a friend in after I had gone to bed, and then ended up falling asleep on the sofa, with all the lights on . I did read the riot act this morning as he is not supposed to have friends in that late when it is a school/college night and siblings and I need to sleep. Money is an issue obviously, I was widowed in June he must be self-sufficient and hopefully soon pay some board as it is costing me 25% extra on my council tax to have him living here from next month as he has turned 18. Also he had left his alarm clock on for 5am and it woke me up again. I have told him that he cannot live a student lifestyle when he is living in the family home and that during the working week he must get to bed not visit friends or go out. He passed his driving test last week, so is obsessed with taking the car out at the moment.

My DS2 also recently passed his test and has his own car (I bought it and insured it) so I completely understand the "obsessed with taking it out" bit. Could you point out to him that the car costs and that he won't be able/allowed to use it if he loses this job?

He has to take responsibility.

My brother lost a couple of jobs when he was a teenager (late 70s) because he couldn't be arsed to get out of bed in the morning, (my parents were both out at work before he had to go to work, so not around to ensure he got up).

luckily for him he walked into other jobs quite easily - your DS won't be able to do that these days.

He is well aware about the car, and he loves it as DH and I bought it as an early 18th present before DH died. I know he has to take responsibility, but I feel it is not always his fault, he does seem to sleep incredibly heavily once he is asleep. I was just yesterday, I am such a worrier I would have been awake 2 hours before I needed to be because I would have been so anxious. I know I should probably step back at his age, but there is so much at stake for me too in ensuring that he holds down this job. Apprenticeships are in short supply and I know he isn't going to find anything like it in a hurry, he is at college tomorrow on his day release so doesn't need to leave until 8am but will only get about 5 hours sleep.

he needs the sonic boom alarm clock lol

my son missed one day of work due to not getting up

hes nearly 19 ffs. had the job not two months.

i am afraid i royally roasted his arse so much so he cried.

he hasn't missed another morning....yet.

oh and i;m kicking him out at the end of the week, had enough

so no advice from me really

Evenstar, I know exactly what you mean about sleeping so deeply, and I also know what you mean about apprenticeships - a bit of a plum these days, and not to be lost lightly.

Is it OK (by you) for him to sleep all day on a weekend/his off-time? Teenagers really do need to sleep. Even when they're using their "wake-time" to be utter arses. [we really need a roll-eyes- emoticon]

No problem with him sleeping at weekend etc. I am very angry with him this morning and did threaten to throw him out of the house, he has damaged the teak bureau in the hall that belonged to DH's grandfather by leaving a water bottle on it all night. It has leaked, ruined the top and damaged the cupboard door so it won't close properly, he told to me to shut up and swore at me when I confronted him about his carelessness. I know he was tired as he worked till 2am, but I cannot go on as things are. Time for a serious talk tonight, there have been lots of other things going on lately with him. I know he has lost his dad, but I have been crying all morning knowing how sad DH would have been, we have had that bureau in our home for so many years and treasured, it was the only thing DH had from his grandad's house. I sort of felt that I had let DH down by letting this happen to it. I am very , I really don't want it to come to throwing DS1 out, but he is so selfish and inconsiderate and is making me even more unhappy than I would be anyway. He can't afford anywhere to live, he isn't even paying keep this month as he has had to pay out for car insurance and borrow money for the deposit. Thanks for listening all.

I'm so sorry, Evenstar, my heart goes out to you, and to your family.

Your DS is selfish and inconsiderate because he's a teenager, but they do grow out of it (and it's about time he did). He'll also be feeling the pressure to grow up and "be a man", he'll be fearful of failure and maybe resentful that he's taking on responsibility when so many of his contemporaries are gleefully putting that off a few years - or that's how gap-years and college/uni might look to him, especially when his job has such long hours.

I understand how you feel about the bureau, but you've also had your DS in your home for many years and treasured him, and he (and his sibs) carries the real inheritance from your DH and his grandad.

Sit down calmly with him tonight, explain how you feel, even cry a little. Show him that you're human too, and can't do it alone. Show him how much you need his support. Your relationship is no longer mother and dependent son, but two adults sharing living space, and you need to re-negotiate on that basis.

I'm afraid I'm going to be away from home and computer for a couple of days, but I'll be back some time Friday. I'll be thinking about you, and hoping you can reach a resolution.

That's a lovelypost, OldLadyKN

Thank you so much Old Lady. I had got things a little more in perspective and have managed with some tips from the internet to almost remove the stain from the bureau. I have applied beeswax polish and am letting it soak in and I hope it will be OK without a professional restoration. You are so right about DS1 compared to the bureau, but we are going to have to talk and lay down some ground rules. He needs to behave like an adult, my friend suggested I sat down with him this evening and created some house rules that we can both agree to eg what time friends are allowed to stay till during working week etc. I hope we can find a way forward. I recognise that it was not just about the bureau, it was really just the last straw and I was so tired.

Sorry to hear you're having such a crappy time,
Evenstar. DD is 15 but has to get up at 6am for
long journey to school - really difficult now it's so dark. Am about to add timer to her lamp so as well as two alarm clocks the lights will come on! Cruel, but can't drive her 17 miles if she misses the only bus

When my db was a teenager my mum used to get up at 5.30 and make him a cooked breakfast and make his packed lunch. And then do a full day's work herself.

I was horrified but to be fair she said she was doing it for 2/3 months only so he understood what was involved. True to her word she stopped and he had to get on with it.

I just wish she had done the same for me but that's a whole different thread.

Now I feel really guilty - she leaves the house
at 7.10 and I get up five minutes later

Sounds very, very familiar.

My ds can sleep through anything and no noise can wake him up. He has an alarm clock, but it doesn't do any good.

He has been late to school on a few occasions. I feel its his responsability to get up on his own, so I try not to intervene. I do get rather cross though.

I'm so sorry for your loss Evenstar.

OldLadyKnowsNothing has given excellent advice on this thread. I have teenagers and and have our second teenage au pair living here. Getting up early can be hard for some people and I've gone into ds' or dd's room before now as I can hear their alarm going off but they are sleeping soundly right next to it.

My dh lost his Dad when he was a teenager but he had a couple of years of school left and then uni so he'd matured and hadn't had the big culture shock your ds has had of leaving school and starting in the world of work soon after losing a beloved parent.

I'm glad you were able to do something about the bureau. Again, I can say that teenagers don't think about possible consequences of some of their actions. I've recently bought a worktop protector for a dressing table. It was in very good nick until I had au pairs. They just don't look after other peoples' belongings, though sometimes they do say sorry instead of their other habit of just shrugging when you point out the damage. [exasperated emoticon needed!] I now try to remember if I was like that when I was a teenager. I'm sure I took great care of things as I'm very much like that but I probably was unaware of what others were doing for me and how much time and effort it took them. I was quite self centered on times I'm sure.

Thanks everyone, DS1 has apologised, we are going to have the chat tomorrow, I was out tonight at my bible study group. He went to bed at 10.00 which is unheard of and promised to set both alarms, he is being picked up at 5.45 am so I hope I am not going to be woken up again! I do feel sorry for him having to get up so early, but I know that at the same age I would have been up straight away if I set my alarm. I could see he was very tired this evening, so I hope that he is accepting that work must come first not his social life and that early nights before early starts are a must [hopeful emoticon]

It sounds like some progress is being made already. Good luck with the chat tomorrow.

Good luck Evenstar. This all sounds tricky and I don't have any experience in parenting teenagers or bereavement of close relatives... but one thing that struck me as I read this thread is that your son seems likely to be grieving too at the moment.

I suspect this would affect his behaviour and thinking in many ways (exhaustion, shared sadness over the cabinet and all that it represents, clumsiness, anger, inability to communicate well, lack of enthusiasm in his new job etc).

He may not express this grieving in a way that is obvious to a female - think about talking to males who could give you honest opinions about this?

Consider trying to be easy on each other for a year or two while you come to terms with your bereavement as a family?

Wishing you lots of luck

I Have 2 daughters both 17 ..one is no problem yet the other is the complete opposite.

DS1 actually was ready to be picked up at 5.45 am this morning, I only had to go in turn the light on, he had got up and turned both alarms off and gone back to bed , but at least it is progress in the right direction I suppose. I just wish I didn't keep waking up every time his alarm goes off.

I'm back, and pleased to see you've managed to make progress. How did your chat go?

He hasn't been in long enough to chat but I am formulating a list in my head for when the opportunity arises. He managed to get up again this morning and didn't wake me up until 6.30 am when he came in and out of the front door about five times! I am hoping that we are now on an upward trend after the difficulties, I will let you know how he is getting on. Thanks for all the support