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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

What do you think of this? boy, girl and one bedroom

36 replies

SparetheDetails · 31/08/2008 19:03

DS1 has been seeing the same girl since he was 12, he's now 14 and they are as inseperable now as they were at the beginning. They're together all the time. She spends ALOT of time here, her parents don't seem to give a toss what she does.

Anyway we were recently talking about booking our next holiday, Florida in a villa and DS suddenly said "oh, please mum...can we take (we'll call her Katie)"?

I said "don't be daft, I can't afford to pay for another one for a start and her parents are hardly going to let her jet off to America with people they don't know!" so he said "no, I mean if they pay, they'll let her, I know they will, please can I ask?" I honestly didn't think they'd agree so I said "ok, ask but don't hold your breath".

So he asked and they said yes he was so excited he actually started crying and she cried and I just didn't have the heart to say no. They're both very good kids, quiet, hard working, never in trouble...is it really such a bad idea?

Only trouble is, the villa is only 3 bedroomed. Meaning they'd have to share a room. He parents when I spoke to them actually said they don't mind this as they're sensible in other words I think they were saying "as long as she doesn't come back pregnant we don't really care".

DH has suggested that we should let them share a room as they have earnt our trust so far but they're 14! they do act older but...please someone, someone inpartial talk some sense about this whole thing. I'm so confused about what to do for the best.

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PastYourBedtime · 31/08/2008 19:23

I'd let them, they've been together 2 years and have probably done it already but they sound sensible and as long as you've had a talk with them and they know how you feel i'd give them a chance to be responsible and trust them.

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Madlentileater · 31/08/2008 19:25

mmm...I'm not sure I'd ban them from sharing a room, if it's going to be a big deal with mattresses and things. Presumably with all those peole around there'll be lots going on, not as if they'll be spending hours and hours alone together. If they really wanted to have sex they would anyway. I think maybe have another serious talk with them both, and also with her parents.

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choufleur · 31/08/2008 19:31

Maybe I'm being a prude but the fact that they MAY have already had sex is not the point. by letting them sleep in the same room you would be condoning it. would you let them sleep together at home?

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SparetheDetails · 31/08/2008 19:32

The last time I spoke to her mum I asked her how she'd feel if they had to share a room and she said "they do that here, don't they at your house?" I said "no" and she said "oh, at the end of the day though you can't stop them from doing anything, I'd rather it be in the house than somwhere dodgy, wouldn't you? plus, they're nearly 15"

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posieflump · 31/08/2008 19:46

so he stays over at her house and up til now you haven't known where he slept?
didn't you ask him or did he lie then?

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SparetheDetails · 31/08/2008 19:54

Well he's only slept there 3 times. The first time before he went I said "where will you be sleeping?" and he said her brothers room. I never asked the 2nd of 3rd time assuming that would be the usual set up. However he was only 13 the first time, after asking about it he said he did sleep in the brothers room the first time. The 2nd and 3rd time he slept in her room on a sofa bed. He then added "don't worry, we didn't do anything!" I honestly think he would tell me if he did.

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lunavix · 31/08/2008 20:11

how old is bil? is he young?

cos people keep referring to it as three boys

if he is teenager to, then yes three boys share...

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laweaselmys · 01/09/2008 13:23

If BIL is older you could leave him is his own room, and then have the three kids in together. I doubt they'd do anything with somebody else in the room. Also makes it a bit more clear that they are the children on the holiday...

Maybe I'm being naive though, I would not have sex with my bf at 14 even if we were in a bedroom alone, but not sure that this is true of all 14 year olds!

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fizzbuzz · 01/09/2008 21:11

No, not until 16....They may or may not have done the deed. But by putting them together you are condoning the fact that it is OK to spend th night together...but the law wouldn't agree.

I am a teacher, and we had an issue like this, where a girl was sharing a bedroom with her boyfriend (both underage)with her mum's knowledge.

It became a child protection issue

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fizzbuzz · 02/09/2008 07:32

I,ve been thinking about this thread all night.

If your ds or his gf ever let it be known at school, that they have shared a bedroom, then I really think they would be big trouble.

The age of consent is 16. If gf's mother lets them sleep with each other, she is in effect facilitating, ie giving them an opportunity to have sex under the age of consent.

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MyFunnyValentine · 02/09/2008 07:44

I agree with you FIZZBUZZ, I know I wasn't ready for sex at that age but if I were put in that situation I would have felt pressured into doing it.

Yes, children do have sex before the age of consent but we shouldn't encourage them to break the law!