Should I be feeling guilty

[poppy90]

That I don't make plans for DD 17? She asks me every day Are we doing anything today? I say have you got anything planned, and its always, No. She sits in front of the TV or on computer MSN-ing. I would have thought at 17 she should make her own plans!! She needs to get a job as well & everything I suggest she disagrees with. I even did DS paper round (he's on hols & has to find own cover) yesterday because she just wouldn't get off her ar*e

No you shouldn't.
Next question?

Actually, you'd be doing her a disservice by running her life for her - she's practically an adult!

Of course you should be feeling guilty. You're a mother, it's in the job description!

But seriously, I echo MI.
I tell mine that it's her life so she should take responsibility for it.

My ds is only 13 and apart from 1 day a week when I'm off, I expect him to sort his social life out already, and he does.

Phew thanks.... but you're right fembear I do feel a bit guilty

But why?

My two are seven and five. I arrange a fair bit of stuff for them, obviously, but certainly don't organise their play when they have friends here!

no yanbu

do you live in the middle of nowhere ?

can she not go out with friends ?

give her some shitty jobs at home-she'll soon find somehitng else to do

We don't live in the middle of nowhere & transport easily available, although she doesn't have many friends!
Yes she is a lazy so & so, I was washing the kitchen floor earlier when she came in & said that's so unfair I wanted to have some lunch!!Mind you to her defence, when I came back from the shops she had put all the things back into the kitchen! But, yes, I must find her some crappy jobs

whilst there is an idle teen in the house one should never do any dull housework yourself

I must be a mug then, I've never thought of it like that!!!

ggirl great line, will remember it for when Ds gets back from his hols (evil mother emoticon)mwa ha ha ha....

So agree Ggirl, Poppy90 Next time she asks what are we doing have a list of house tasks ready to be completed, bet she would find something to do and maybe limit internet to encourage her to get busy jobhunting_

Yes!! That's a great idea

Is she confident, outgoing, happy? Does she have friends? Or is she shy, lonely,unhappy, possibly even depressed?

I ask, because as a 17 year old, I was the latter, and I guess I would have appreciated a kind of relationship with my mother that would help me get over that. For some people, 17 is a very scary age, very transitional. I was expected to act like an adult, but just didn't feel equipped to do it. So I spent most of my 17th year in my bedroom, feeling very lonely, scared and depressed at the thought of having to be an adult.

Well she's fairly confident, not particularly outgoing & doesn't have loads of friends, but I keep encouraging her to go out, have friends here etc but she knocks back any suggestion I offer!

I'm 18, make all my own plans, have a job and get to and from work independently (and for a girl who a year ago wouldn't even do a 5 min bus journey, doing 18 miles a day on them (9 miles each way) is pretty good I think), I also help care for my uncle who is quadreplegic and needs constant care. I help unload shopping, clean my room (OK takes a bit of nagging but I do!) and chip in in the garden. After work I veg out with TV and net too. All my social plans are funded by me, because I'm earning my own money.

I agree with others, if she asks "What are WE doing today?" set her up with a list! HTH even just a little bit.

LollipopViolet you sound like a lovely girl Thank you x