Advice please

[Cass111]

I wasn't sure whether to post on here, as I am 18, but I saw that other teenagers have done anyway, so I thought I would.

Firstly, I am just about to go to uni, and I know a lot of people who are already there. I know that the majority of people go out to pubs and or clubs in the evenings, and this isn't my type of scene at all. I don't want to miss out but at the same time I also don't want to waste my time and money in places I really don't feel comfortable in.

Also, my mum is always asking me why I don't go out more?! I've tried explaining, but she just doesn't understand me!! It's like she thinks I'm odd or something just because I don't want to go to nightclubs...

There has been a great deal of tension between me and my mum recently too - my older sister moved to New Zealand 5 months ago, and all my mum seems to go on about is how much she misses her!! Well that just makes me feel utterly crap to be honest. I don't even think she will miss me when I'm at uni, cos I know I will be home a fair amount, and also all 4 of my siblings have been to uni before me. It seems my friend's parents all are really proud of them for getting into uni, and are talking about coming to visit them etc, and I know it's just not like that here.

I suppose by posting this, I'm just looking for some advice, I don't feel I can talk to my parents about all this, as it wouldn't solve anything...

Cassie

I am sure she will miss you when you go to university. When your first one goes you do miss them a lot, not because you love them more than your other children its just that its the first to go!

There are lots of people at university who don't want to go out all the time too, there are societies you can join and clubs etc. But it is nice to go out and socialise too and you will be able to do that there as well. Not everyone wants to go out all the time, it is not abnormal! How about arranging a night out with friends to go to the cinema, rather than out clubbing?

I am sure she is equally proud of you going to university as you feel your friends parents are, but, unfortunately, by the time you get to your 5th child you are probably not so good at showing it, but that isn't the same as feeling it. She is probably missing your older sister going to New Zealand because it is so far away. She will at least still be able to see you when you are at univeristy.

Tell her how excited you are about going to university and that you don't feel you are missing out by not going out all the time, there is plenty of time for that in the future. You will make lots of new friends and have a really good time I am sure.

Hope this helps. Am not an expert but am mum of 3 very different teenagers!

As the mother of an 18 year old dd, to me it sounds like your mom is a bit worried about whether you are happy and socialising enough. Most young people go to nightclubs, but certainly not all. My own dd loves to, but has friends who seldom go.

Maybe talk to your mother about how much you are looking forward to uni, and about the clubs and societies you plan on joining.

As regards missing you; well I am sure I'll miss my dd sooo much, but she's the oldest so it's like she's "breaking up" the family. Your mother has enough experience of it all to see that she's not going to lose you really.
Your post has made me realise that I shouldn't mention to my two ds how much I am missing their sister when she goes, because maybe that'll hurt them without me realising.

But please talk to your mother. She's obviously upset about your sister going so far away, and maybe she feels she doesn't know or understand you as well as she'd like to.

Also should add, my oldest is not a teenager any more (21), had forgotton isn't a teenager!, and is in Australia now so I know what it is like to have daughter on other side of the world. I think your mum is probably grateful she still has you around, rather than taking you for granted, if you see what I mean. My other two are teenagers and I also have a lovely teenage nephew who, like you, doesn't want to go out all the time.

I've got 6 children, and it is very unfortunately true that the first time the eldest did anything, it was amazing. The first time the others did anything, like walking or talking, it was equally amazing, but it had been done before. It's like breaking the 4 minute mile. Anyone who does it is fantastic, but the first person to do it will always have the biggest fuss made of them. That doesn't mean that you are not loved as the others are, I promise you.

Also, your mum has a daughter the other side of the world. She doesn't really know when she will see her again, and she may be a little nervous about her being there? This worry will come out as 'I miss her'. It might mean, 'I wish she was home. I wish she was here, safe with me'.

Parents do love all their children. Well done on getting to university. Go and be yourself, and know that you are a good enough person as you are. Never feel you need to measure up to anyone. You are totally acceptable and loveable just as you are.