Fark off mum.....

[MuthaHubbard]

These are the words my 13 yr old ds said as he left the house this morning!

He was in a strop as he has 'misplaced' his homework diary, for which he blamed me for.

I told him he was responsible for it and after signing it I had given it back to him and hadn't seen it since.

He was then stropping around and I told him to get his lunch and then he was attempting to leave via the back door, banging and clattering and muttering under his breath. I said don't go out that way, the door is broke and I can't close it. He stomped back in and deliberately stood on and broke dd's spade into pieces (admittedly I thought it was her new bike he'd kicked) so I (and I know I shouldn't have) clipped him round the ear.

This obviously caused a torrent of abuse in which he called me a fucking bitch, he stomped through the house, knocking things over on purpose.

I went through, opened the front door with the key and chucked his bag out and told him to go. On his way out he threw his skateboard into the front garden in an attempt to break it.

He then shouted at me to just fuck off.....

I know we both lost our tempers (and I should know better). I don't want to let him get away with his moodiness, attitude and temper though. I have decided to confiscate his skateboard for a while but also to apologise for me hitting him. I know that it's not acceptable for either of us to lose our temper like that but not sure as to how to address it?

Like I said, I know I was totally in the wrong to hit him so I expect a bit of flaming.

Off for school run so any advice/experiences please?!

[brimfull]

yes you both treated each other like shite-what do you expect

if someone hit me I'd probably tell them to fark off too

[brimfull]

yes you both treated each other like shite-what do you expect

if someone hit me I'd probably tell them to fark off too

[LazyLinePainterJane]

Advice? You act like an adult.

Sorry.

[stoppinattwo]

Oh blimey what a tangled web

He cannot talk you you or behave like that and you shouldnt really clip him round the ear....but you know that. .

I would say that when he gets home, rather than continue where you left off, start at a really low level...ie sit down and talk about exactly what happened..and whatever you do dont get angry and raise the tone of the discussion, even if he does, just keep it low. Make him see you dont have to lose your temper to sort stuff out.

Tell him the swearing and breaking stuff is not good but it is ok to be frustrated and angry...tis an emotion. He needs to replace the spade he broke and apologise for the language and you need to apologise for your clipping him around the ear!!!!

THats all i can think of at the moment..hope all goes well for you, but remember you are his um, you lead by example, and you control the situation. XXX

[essjayo]

My, these things get out of control so easily.

Obviously, apologise as soon as he gets in, hope he apologise without being asked to and then ask him whether he thinks there is anything he could do to make things better. Perhaps try and involve him rather than impose punishment for an offence which you helped create???

My ds is 13 and has turned into a right old moody sod - I keep having to remember it's his hormones. Mind you, it might be your hormones too!

Good luck

[MuthaHubbard]

Ta muchly, know we were both at fault and unfortunately he seems to get his temper from me - and yes we are obviously both hormonal right now! Will apologise and say we are both allowed to get frustrated but we both need to not lash out.

Hopefully we'll be able to call a truce.

[noddyholder]

blimey i assume these posters don't have a 13 yr old ds because i have been tempted to wallop mine a few times!

[gingernuts]

Here, here Noddy, nothing so frustrating as a 13 year old!

[mumblechum]

That's what I was thinking as well, Noddy (that perhaps they don't have teens). I haven't hit my ds (well, not since he got a smacked bum at 3), partly because he's bigger and stronger than me and a brown belt at Karate!

[stoppinattwo]

noddy..I have been through it with 3 teenager boys, and also used to foster teenagers so for fear of getting a wallop back (or have sometinhg launched at me!!!!) i would probably not although the tempation was always there, a cold glass of water is a good option...I mean they have to sleep sometime right?, what am i talking about, they sleep allllll the time!!!

[BibiThree]

If I'd said that to my parents when I was 13 I'd have expected a clip round the ear.

She hardly treated him like shit though, he was being moody, grumpy and deliberately destructive before she clipped him.

[whatdayisit]

I called my mum a "cow" when I was about the same age. My dad clipped me round the ear and sent me to my room to write 100 lines about repecting my mother. I'm not sure I'd have lived if I spoke to her the way your son did.

BTW - I now have a very good relationship with mum and dad and can honestly say that I have never called anyone a cow since.

[MuthaHubbard]

I think I was shocked more at him calling me a bitch as he's never called me anything like that before.

I apologised when he got in, saying that I had a right to be annoyed due to his behaviour but not to smack him. He apologised to me saying he left his homework book at school and that he shouldn't have said the things he did but was wound up.

I did say though that, although we have a right to be frustrated and angry, we both should know better than to lash out like that.

I am usually just a 'shouty' person so I must have lost it that day to have clipped him one!