How should I deal with DS's rudeness/sarcasm to family?

[mumtofour]

This is the first time I have created a thread. I have four kids, eldest DS is 14, twin sons 12 and DD 4. I know that my eldest son is in his teenage years and his sometimes obnoxious attitude is a stage of development. It just seems at the moment that he has nothing nice to say to any of us in his family and is constantly rude and sarcastic. I find myself becoming more and more wound up by him and find it hard to be positive to him as his attitude is causing so many fallouts. What I expect of him is that he answer us politely and that he doesn't butt into his brothers conversations with rude jibes about them or what they are doing. Am I expecting too much? I am getting into loggerheads with him and out of desperation I have taken a tactic I know is only going to infuriate him which is to remove the luxuries he takes for granted like his PC and mobile. I have tried to explain to him that I don't like it when he is rude and he apologises but then starts again. I am hoping that some of you MN'ers will have experienced periods similar to this and could offer me some advice. My son is a wonderful person whom I love dearly I just can't seem to get through to him at the moment.

Hello you, found you on the unanswered threads and didnt want you to go unheard.

Could it be another hormone surge about this time ? Not making excuses, trying to think of valid reasons. Could be its just the Kevin & Perry stage, but he still needs to know what is acceptable and what is not.

Good on you for removing his "toys"

I suppose he does apologise, which is something, however his behaviour is remaining the same.

Have you tried grounding him, I know it means he is still in the house but he does not need to be in any shared space, you could make him stay in his room.

I know you have been really very busy just recently, do you think he might be rebelling against you not being about as much as usual ?

All ideas off the top of my head so I'm sorry if I'm way off but like I said didnt want you to be here all alone.

Big hugs

x

Hiya
Thanks so much for answering my post you are so kind I was getting lonely awaiting a reply.
He is generally a great kid and yes I do think it is good he apologises. I do think he is just rebelling out a bit but I worry about the affects on DD who is only 4 when he is talking rude. He doesn't really go out much so grounding wont have an effect and he spends alot of his day in room. That is why I took mobile coz at mo that is his lifeline to his girlfriend and I think the main thing he will want to get back. I just want him to go and think a bit about how what he says has an effect on others and doesn't sound nice sometimes. I do feel rotten taking it away as I do feel so negative with him. But I agree Kevin & Perry stage definately.
You can probably help me with my way round MN as you know the other day when I joined the diet post you were on I couldn't locate it the next time I logged on. How do I keep track of the threads?
Thanks so much once again.

I would ignore it. completely. I know it must be really hard for the other children to ignore it, but chat with them and tell them to just not respond.

after all, there isn't much point saying stuff if you get no response right??

also, you say he doesn't go out much- do you think perhaps a hobby or something to give him something to do might help? are there any sports or anything like that he might enjoy? give him an outlet for all that teenage energy? also, more positive role-models in form of male leaders of said sports or whatever? (not implying that he doesn't have any role models btw, bbut sometiems ones out of the household seem to do the job that much better)

I guess it's a hard age. not a kid really, but not grown-up enough either. can you perhaps include him more in household decisions and make him feel a bit more important within the house?

at the top of your screen you should have a heading "threads i;m on" click on that to see any threads yotu have replied to

Of course, if you look above the very first post on any thread you will see the word watch underlined. If you dont want to post on a thread but want to see how it developed click on watch.

Then right at the top of the page in bold print is my talk, along from my talk is, threads I'm watching. If you click on that it will show you any threads you are watching.

If you do decide to post on a thread, that thread will appear in the threads I'm on list but if you dont post for a certain amount of time it drops of off the bottom of the list.

Are you be-fuddled yet ?

One more way, for example if you wanted to find me (oooooo the thoughtof a stalker.....)

At the top of the page is find discussions and right next to it is search for messages. Click on that.

ou go to another screen where you can enter a particular word or a posters name.

Enter my name and then the dates to and from you wish to search and it will bring all the threads up that I have been on.

There, crash course over !!!

It does sound to me more like its a phase he is going through. If he does not go out much then maybe you could do something together one evening when the others are in bed (if its not too un-cool that is !)

You are off on holiday soon too I see, are you looking forwards to it ?

Thanks to you both for Mn advice and advice for DS. He does go to Boys Brigade with his brothers and dad so gets alot of energy stuff and male role models from that. The positive I hold is that wherever he goes like Boys Brigade , school and mates houses I hear nothing but great things about him. From that I know he is doing just fine but perhaps testing his boundaries or manhood a bit too much at home if that makes sense. It has helped me to air my concern and I do thank you for your time to reply. To give him a bit of extra credit I know I am in my PMT time of month so can be a bit of a monster myself and react to him more.

PMT........ yuck, it should be banned......

I think you are doing a grand job.

If he goes elsewhere and the feedback you are getting is positive then I think you may have hit the nail on the head yourself.

I have no experience ofteenage boys so may be completely wrong with this but if he's a decent kid, can you not appeal to his better nature? Explain how younger broters look up to him and are hurt by his behaviour/ sarcasm. Ask how he'd feel in similar circumstances etc/ how you were not sarcastic to him even though he was equally annoying/ that belittling other people, especially thise younger than you, is nasty bullying etc.. maybe this will have some benefit? It kind of works with my eldest but she is a girl and younger than your son so maybe of no use... If not, ask Boys Brigade keaders to talk to these muscular Christian men about leadership roles in their families??

Thanks for that pofaced I may just do that with regards to asking BB for support.

Vaggy you are safe coz I haven't turned green yet!