Son unable to get up in the mornings, so much stress

[Lucyboo976]

My son has adhd, has trouble falling asleep and is a night owl. Combine that with lack of organisational skills and it produces a very stressful situation.
He is nearly 16. He finds it very hard to fall asleep. But once he goes to sleep , doesnt matter what time, it could be 11pm or 3am, he cannot wake up the next day.

If I left him he could sleep 15 hours easily. And even then its like trying to wake someone who is unconscious.
Its always been bad but its got much worse this past 12 months. He has to catch a school bus. He regularly misses it. If he does manage to catch it that involves a hugely stressful hour before hand, whilst im also trying to get myself ready and other children. I then have to drive him to the bus stop with seconds to spare. If he misses it I then need to take my other kids to school and then drive him to school afterwards making him over an hour late.
The stress this causes me is massive. It makes me ill. I cry almost every morning and once hes actually in school it takes me a good 2 to 3 hours for my nervous system to calm down. This is every single day.
Please dont tell me to try things like open his curtains, remove his duvet etc, nothing works, he is UNCONSCIOUS.

At night hes a different person. Lively and chilled and can talk about plans for the next morning.
Its half term and weve arranged to see family today at 12. He happily told me to wake him at 8am this morning.
This morning comes, woke him at 8am, its now 10.45am and hes still in bed. Everything has become so difficult because of this.

Hes also missing out on experiences with his friends. Hes very social and he sees them evening time, but they have all been out together during the day and hes asleep!!

After school comes college next year. The college for him to attend is 2 bus journeys away. His bus leaves at 7.10am.
His current bus leaves at 8am and he cant manage that.

Then comes jobs after that and him living independently. How would he ever get himself up? How would he hold down a job? It worries me sick!! There are plenty of medications to help them sleep but nothing to help them wake up!!

Its got to bad ive had to give up my job. I worked in a school myself. He was making me late every day. The choice was between me going to work and him never going to school, or me doing everything i could to get him to school and then being 2 hours late for work!!

What do we do?

I have been through our local NHS sleep clinic with my autistic daughter - before giving you any advice or a melatonin prescription you are asked to keep a sleep diary.

While i completely understand some people have different sleep patterns - you and he need to know if he absolutely genuinely has good sleep hygeine.

This is massively impacting his life - so is he prepared to properly focus on it? ie. Absolutely no screens in the couple of hours (or more ideally) before bed - would he try a digital detox and increase his exercise as part of a sleep plan?

I agree with someone who asked - is he really sleeping at 11 or on his phone til 3am? would he be able to admit it? Can he leave the phone out of the room

A sleep deprived teen yes they can sleep for 15 hours- but it needs to be treated like jetlag - absolutely clear routine and waking up on time each morning then proper sleep.

I have ADHD too. I get it. I could sleep for uninterrupted stretches of 12-15 hours easily. I could go to bed, wake up at 9am and go back to sleep at 11am and sleep until the evening. I’ve had all the sleep tests, blood tests, ADHD medication. Nothing makes a difference. However there comes a point where you have to be responsible for your own life, and 15 nearly 16 is old enough to be able to do that.

It’s utterly insane you’ve quit your job because your son won’t wake up. He isn’t ’unconscious’ like you state. If he were, you’d be calling an ambulance daily. I don’t believe for a second he’s actually going to sleep at a decent time. He’s likely in his room, on his phone, on his laptop, reading, gaming? I say this, because that’s exactly what I did as a teen. I loved nighttime and I’m still a night owl now, but your son is taking the piss and you’ve enabled it.

If you have to, go into his room at the allocated time and literally drag him from his bed. Rip the duvet off, fling his curtains open, turn on a radio, loud music. Walk him to the bathroom. He’s not unconscious like you say, he’s fast asleep cause he’s suffering 0 consequences for disrupting everyone else’s lives and leaving you to pick up the pieces.

Have you tried several loud alarms starting at 6.45 am - the horrendous screeching digital type, an old-fashioned round clock with bells on the top etc etc?
If he gets used to getting up early it should after a few weeks help follow through that he’s tired earlier…

I think a trip to the GP is needed because it’s clearly impacting his education and your ability to work.

I’d push for bloods to make sure he’s otherwise healthy. It’s easy to assume this is due to his ADHD but it may not be. I don’t have much advice other than this because this is scarily similar to my DH and I just think it’s the way they are naturally. Medication might be the only thing that can help if he’s otherwise healthy?

I wouldn’t worry about the job right now. There’s plenty of jobs with evening and night shifts so I’m sure he will find something when the time comes. The main focus is finishing school and then being able to get the bus for college on time.

His sleep pattern can not be sustained.
I have had experience with young adult a few years ago. In our case advice from sleep clinic worked...
Engineer a sustainable sleep cycle using melatonin and sunlight's natural effects on the human body.
Open blinds EVERY morning at 7:30 to let sunlight stream in. Get up 10 minutes later and start day.
Screens off two hours before bedtime to eliminate blue light activating brain.
Take Melatonin at recommended before sleep.
Eat regular meals and last one two hours before sleep apart from small glass of milk and some grapes before bed.
Brisk outdoor walk in nature for 40 minutes in daylight each day.

Room temperature below 20 C.
Fresh airflo.
Go to bed routine - prepare everything for morning like clothing, home wofk etc. bathe, low light, restful sound, light read.
Dark room.
Natural bedding - Cotton. Wool. Feather.
Bedtime 9:30 pm - 10:00 pm.

Your lad needs sleep.
If he needs to catch up only allow a short sleep in of one hour on Saturday so that routine can be well in place again for Monday. He can also go to bed earlier some nights.

Setting the morning wake up quite rigid, working with sunlight, was the key.