16 year-old in denial about alcohol - what can I do?

[Ijustdontknoww]

I’m looking for some advice from anyone who’s been through something similar.

My daughter who has autism is 16 and under CAMHS. They have told me they are concerned about her alcohol use and have confirmed that she is drinking. She is on medication and should not be drinking. The difficulty is that she completely denies it whenever I try to talk to her.

She doesn’t drink at home. It all happens at her boyfriend’s house, so I never actually see it. She insists she doesn’t drink, despite professionals telling me otherwise.

I’ve been told her drinking has increased and it’s having an impact on other areas of her life. Her college work has deteriorated significantly over the past few months, and her predicted grades have dropped. I’m terrified she’s heading down a very dangerous path, but I feel completely powerless because she won’t even acknowledge there’s a problem.

I’m also struggling with knowing what to do. If I keep bringing it up, it turns into an argument and she shuts down. If I don’t mention it, I feel like I’m just standing by while things get worse.

Has anyone dealt with a teenager who drank heavily away from home but denied it completely? Did anything eventually get through to them? How did you balance trying to keep the relationship intact while also making it clear you were worried?

I know I can’t physically stop her going to her boyfriend’s house, but I feel as though I’m watching her life unravel and there’s nothing I can do.

Are u in Scotland OP? If not, as legal guardian you should be able to set limits on her spending through the bank until she reaches the age of 18. You cannot take money out but you can set restrictions as far as I'm aware. As for the pip, with evidence from cahms that she is not managing it, spending dangerously on alcohol, you should be able to get that paid to you, without her permission until she reaches 18. She would have had to sign the whole application form but not specifically the payment details section. There is no harm in finding out, because a vulnerable child with alcohol issues having free access to such large sums of money leaves them open to harm and abuse, manipulation from others.

I understand you are dealing with a horrendous situation and you are at the end of your tether, but you should, at least find out for certain. I do feel for you and cannot speak about your situation as it is not my experience but am just trying to help.

As for my previous message, sitting outside all night sends a message to both her and her bfs family that you are there and you are serious. It could also make her embarrassed enough to come home. It may not work, don't get into any physical altercations, but just sitting back and letting it happen is not doing any good, is it? This is a vulnerable child, she has a diagnosis and is under cahms, you should be able to access some support. Does she have a social worker? If not, you can ask for a referral for social services.

What I'm saying is just don't do nothing, when she reaches 18 she will have all control, you only have a short window to try and intervene.

Thank you for your advice. I’m in England.

I am not sitting back and letting it happen. She has a social worker and is on a child in need plan. I attend meetings every month. The social worker suggested the boyfriend comes round and spends time at my home and I give her condoms. She has advised that the more I push back, the more she will resist.

She also has an alcohol worker. I have had many discussions with the alcohol worker who says they are not an abstinence based service so they will not tell her to stop drinking even though she is on medication. DD is now telling CAMHS and the alcohol worker that they can’t tell me anything so it’s hard to know what is going on.

DD has autism so me sitting out there all night would not cause her any embarrassment. She doesn’t care. She has called me to shout and abuse me while he is there in the background. Talking to her and explaining things gets me nowhere. No matter how gently I say something, she runs off to her boyfriend’s house and drinks herself silly. Social worker has said I must not stop her from going as it would be classed as coercive control.

CAMHs just says keep her safe and support her. Ultimately it is her choice and I can’t stop her doing anything apparently.

I would call the police on the parents and tell them they’re supplying a vulnerable child with alcohol.

edited to add im autistic and absolutely hate the feeling of being drunk and most autistics I know feel the same way, hopefully she will feel that way soon enough too.

I don’t have proof he is buying it for her. She has been buying it herself since she was 14. Plenty of small shops will sell to under age children. She told me about one shop she bought from when she was younger. I reported them to the council but they are still open.

I would love to call the police but she would buy it herself and now she wouldn’t tell me where she buys it. She still denies she drinks it all.