At a loss with 14 year old fast going off rails- scared

[3timesalady3]

I am really worried about my 14 year old and don’t know what to do. Separated and exDH is involved but tends to fall in the “lads will be lads” camp and it’s not helping here at all. DS 14 has changed over the last 6 months. Breaking curfews, sneaking out, I’ve found cash in his room that I nor his father have given him, and he often is very grumpy or reactive. My worry is drugs. I am certain I can smell cannabis on him at times but he denies everything with a snigger. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried calm talks, angry talks, explaining how serious it is, but nothing seems to land. I’ve stopped his allowance (which doesn’t seem to phase him), am very anxious to take his phone as then id have no way of tracking him when he sneaks out. School have also expressed concerns saying he’s in with a bad crowd. What do I do? I work long hours so can’t monitor him all the time and have no other family to help. I’m scared, worried and lost. Is the next step talking to police for advice? That’s how worried I am

Honestly if it's drugs/county lines and he's in with a bad crowd, I would move him out of the area and away from these so-called friends. Can ex-husband or grandparents have him over the summer at least?

sadly not, only one grandparent still alive and they have dementia so not an option. ex lives in same school catchment area as me so that wouldn’t make a change. I also don’t know it’s county lines, and I hope I’m wrong suspecting drugs but 😥

Go to the police for advice. He smells of drugs, he has unexplained money, school are concerned too. It really is potentially County lines and it's dangerous.

How much cash are you talking? Who has cash these days?

some 10’s and 20’s but they are constantly just “there”, as they get replaced so he always seems to have cash. Not £100’s but we aren’t a wealthy family so even I as the mum don’t have cash lying around. He just sniggers when I ask about it as says X gave it to him because he helped him XYZ or B’s neighbour paid them to mow the lawn/ tidy the car. Always an explanation but I just in my waters don’t trust it 😥

What would the police do? My worry is he’s got the school nurse / pastoral lead convinced he’s angelic. I wish he was but I don’t think he is 😥I am desperate to not have him shut down on me even more as until recently he want to talk to me and I’m scared if the police “pop round” for a chat he’ll lie through his teeth then hate me and shut down even more😥

If there’s a member of staff at school as worried as you are, see if they will call a meeting with you and XH. Your ex may well take a teacher more seriously.

I would definitely be concerned about county lines. Or even just lower level drug involvement.

I would speak to the police and the school. I know there are organisations that are there to intervene early in things like this although I'm sure it varies by area
Your local youth justice service may be able to help?

If it is drug related, the police may be aware of stuff going on and of some of the people involved, so any information you can give could be beneficial.

Huge hugs, this must be such a worry for you :-(

Because we are separated they meet with us both separately (ex request, not mine). School aren’t overly concerned yet but I think it’s mainly because he’s fluently reassured them all is well, has had an answer to each question they’ve asked him be it the pastoral lead or school nurse and they just say he’s lovely and polite and we just need to “keep an eye” out as no actually evidence of drugs etc (yet). So I feel out on a rock alone

There is specific County Lines support out there. Once involved then it’s impossible for kids to extract themselves - it needs to be managed by those that know what to do. Start here

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/types-of-abuse/county-lines/

School have said he’s in with bad crowd. They are flagging a concern there. I’d be trying to verify the cash stories

I’d also be smelling his clothes every day.

School aren’t concerned enough to do anymore just now than wait and see. I do smell his clothes as he’s a teenager so most need washed at the end of a day, occasionally I think I can smell cannabis but it’s faint and again not conclusive. When I ask him about it he sniggers and says I’m overreacting.