How often does your teen son see their dad if your seperated

[Alone0283]

My son is 15. My husband and I have seperated and he moved out yesterday so all very new. When he moved out he was still angry with me and not able to communicate with me properly so we dont have a plan in place for our kids yet. In addition he has moved to a 1 bed flat that is very small and has no space for them to stay over.
Our daughter is 11. She is very close with her dad and will be happy to spend time with her dad even if its just sitting watching tv.
But our son is a different matter. He and his dad dont get on. They have nothing in common.
Dad does want to see him, but ive no idea how to actually encourage or facilitate this. They do nothing together. I do all of the lifts, hobbies etc. This should be shared going forward I presume?
Husband mentioned about coming here to visit and have a meal with the kids once a week but thats not ideal and son is out with friends alot anyway so can't garuntee he would even be here.
Husband was away for 2 weeks a while ago. He facetimed daughter and messaged her. He didn't message son at all. So as you can see there is a big difference.
If son doesnt want to see him im not going to push it, but how often do your teens see their dads and what kind of stuff do they do with them?

Every three months for about 6 hours. No overnights, no parenting, just collecting, bringing for some food, showing them to the rest of the family and bringing them back. He was always useless though in his defence, it is not a new thing haha

Despite being fairly shite as a Dad when we were together, once we separated my ex got his act together and started taking DS to the football every weekend. They have a much better relationship now than if we had stayed together

6 hours on a Sunday, most weeks.

I've always done all the parenting, hobbies, support etc, ex couldn't be bothered, classing it 'women's work'. Ex tried to insist on facetime every two days during lockdown (because he was bored) and then read ds the cricket results because he had nothing else to talk about. 🙄 So that lasted three days.

You have to let them sort it out by themselves. Your ds is old enough to decide how close he wants to be.

My ds spends 1 week on uk summer holiday with ex, and a few days at Christmas. He's off to uni in September and I imagine it'll move to an occasional email, plus the Christmas visit. They don't have much in common and ex is annoying ds at the moment by trying to talk him out of going to uni. I can't intervene so I have to let it take its course.

My son is 12. Hasn’t seen his dad for over 2 years now. Contact was becoming less frequent (he moved away) and DS hated going as ExH didn’t do anything with him - just sent him to his room to play on his iPad. ExH sent me an e-mail pointing out DS didn’t seem to enjoy it there. I suggested a few things which were ignored.

Now ExH has remarried (without telling us) and got a step-daughter so has effectively replaced DS.

Despite living 150 miles away from us, he was in the city where DS lives now but didn’t bother to ask to meet up with DS for a McDonald’s or anything. Utter twat.

Decent dads will want to spend time with their kids. If you want to be kind to your husband and ultimately do something to try to benefit your ds, you could just tell him your ds is out and about a lot and if he wants to see him, he’s going to need to negotiate a suitable time to do that. I’m not separated btw.

There are decent dads out there. A couple of lads, who live locally are 50/50 with their parents. Actually the older one and now late teens, so an adult, is more with his dad.

Getting a one bed isn’t great, I’m figuring you’re in the family home, so idk if it’s an affordability issue. My friend has been in that position with her ex for quite some time and has let him stay at times, including when she went away on holiday with her now partner. So a type of nesting. They have a boy and girl and he did then get a bigger place. The dad favours the boy and has drifted a lot from the kids despite being local. In the beginning he saw them weekly. He sees more of his late teens ds, but did not seem to bothered when he hadn’t seen his dd, who is a couple of years younger for 2 months.

Stays over 1 mid week night, half the weekend. Dad lives 10 mins walk. DC 17