Has anyone gone completely screen free with a 13 year old?

[Ineedtocalmdowndeeperanddown]

My teenager does not have a phone aged 13. I lost a battle with a much older sibling who is now addicted 22 and barely speaks to us despite living in the same house they are constantly in their room on screens and we have an adult son aged 30 and all they do is bloody scroll on their phones when around.

because of this I have an iPad he is supposed to play Duolingo on once a day and chess he has played on it for 3 hours fucking hours already today already and I have just thrown it out of my third floor window into the garden and lost my shit.

The iPad is broken (mine) he is crying about his Duolingo record of 100 days but I can’t fucking do it any more. I’m looking for my lost passport and already highly highly stressed. I can’t find it and despite asking the teenager to help me and offering money all I can hear is the bloody bling of Duolingo. It was supposed to be a reward as they have hundreds of merits and an excellent report - Duolingo and a game of chess each day but they sneak it out of my room, the study etc to play - 3 fucking hours

I’m autistic and none of my children respond when you talk to them as they are gadget obsessed. Has anyone binned the screens 100% ???

No but I’d LOVE to and have huge admiration for the losing your shit and chucking it out the window method!!

I am saying this as someone who also has autism, you really need to calm down. Screens are unfortunately part of our lives now. Fair enough have limits on them if you wish but to get so full of rage you have made your child cry by throwing your own iPad out of the window is more damaging than them going on screens (I lived with a mum like this and it was like walking on eggshells all the time).

No. This is, unfortunately, life now. Depriving kids of screens is like depriving kids of the 80s of TV and magazines. Set boundaries by all means.

All I know is that my friends don't have TV or a TV license and their kid wants to live in our house every Euros and World Cup and Wimbledon. It's been happening for years. USA game times are not conducive to having people round. Don't let your lack of screens make other people's lives harder.

We have a TV. We have Netflix, Amazon et el.
My teenager is allowed one slot of Duolingo and one game of chess.

He has a friends around even Friday (he comes home to us as parents can’t pick him up from school on Friday) and they play on the switch.

but day to day use is out of control. They come around and scroll. We have talked about it tonight and agree when the adult children are around no phones out.

We watch movies etc even my middle one said tonight my screen time (theirs) is 14 hours and it needs to stop. How do we reduce?

the iPad was 100% mine but after being lied to 4 times about it being put back and stuck out I lost it. I’m human. Yet tears were shed but actually it was short lived and full responsibility was taken by me and them.

Devices off now here including mine so I’m signing out

ps I’m sorry about your mum. My child doesn’t live on eggshells though and it was a boiling pressure cooker tonight. Steam off now.

This exactly. Some 10-15 years back this would probably still be possible and even then it was aready a huge part of life but in today's world I don't think you can go without screens at all.

I can understand frustration over the time-sink of doomscrolling, but Duolingo and chess are great for him. The kids can compete with friends and twenty years ago they might have joined a chess club which is no longer available.

One game of chess is not really much to build concentration. How about changing it to one hour of play, then a reminder “this is your last game for tonight”

Two separate issues. YOU have lost your passport and DC is getting the brunt of your anger/frustration. And DC is overly attached to screens and understandably crying after his DM has just shown how aggressive she can be.

Regardless of the context, your behaviour is unacceptable. And your DC would be punished if they lobbed an iPad out of a window. They deserve an apology quite frankly

Chess is a strategic game so I wouldn't personally want to put such tight limits on it. My son and all his A level maths friends love to play it. Duolingo is also educational.
Personally, if not just for my own sanity, I would have allowed him more time than that. What do you want him to do instead? I used to offer to play chess on a board with my son but he said it was boring because I wasn't good enough, which is a very fair point.
I think he's not helping you look for your passport because he probably wouldn't know where to start and you are stressing him out with your outbursts. Unfortunately the ipad is now broken, but I would compromise a bit more and give yourself a break.