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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Messed up!

9 replies

cuppcake · 11/06/2026 07:53

so last night I messed up badly and feel so so bad. I’ll try not to drip feed!

my 14 year old daughter can spend hours getting ready and looks beautiful but, for some reason constantly forgets to brush her teeth. Nothing going on - always struggled just lazy. Had a battle with her all her life. Tried ever toothbrush, toothpaste, watching her, leaflets, videos etc. She has been warned she needs to do them more by the dentist as showing signs of decay. Yesterday I lost it! Reminded her / Asked her as usual if she had brushed them before school and told she had. I went up in the day and her tooth brush was still in her overnight bag meaning she hadn’t brushed them the night before either.

when she got home from school I quietly had a word. Promised she would do them. 3 more gentle reminders and still no brushing. I was working at home so I couldn’t stand watch her / turn WiFi off etc.

I then lost it (and really not proud). She was on the phone to her friends and boyfriend so I shouted really loudly “just brush your teeth”.

queue a meltdown where she was screaming she would get bullied and there was no going back from that as she was on a massive group call.

she then went on to show me how she was being tagged all over Snapchat with pictures of her and the fact she doesn’t brush her teeth.

she will now hardly talk to me and recons she will be bullied at school. I’ve apologised but now feel incredibly bad.

She doesn’t want me to go in school, won’t tell me who the people are and has shown me one of the pictures.

dd has struggled with friendships and finally in a good place.

feel worse mum in the world

OP posts:
Lizzbear · 11/06/2026 08:31

Oh dear, that’s unfortunate. Could you get her to say it was a joke or was aimed at someone else? Try to lighten it a bit?

socks1107 · 11/06/2026 08:35

Not ideal but done now and maybe she’ll brush her teeth!! Don’t be so hard on yourself, she’s a teenager and knows better so they just should have been done.
todays gossip on her will be someone else tmrw

GTTSR · 11/06/2026 08:38

Maybe it will be the kick she needs? She obviously knows it’s gross else there wouldn’t have been such a reaction…peer pressure can work wonders over parent pressure. It will feel like the end of the world to her now but it will blow over Anna day or two. Don’t beat yourself up…it’s unfortunate yes. Apologise for the action but say you won’t apologise for the sentiment because dental hygiene is too important.

TY78910 · 11/06/2026 08:45

Oh dear… are you sure you said ‘just brush your teeth’ and not alluded to the fact that she doesn’t brush her teeth at all? That’s a massive escalation to have her pictures posted all over saying she doesn’t brush her teeth from a simple request…

As much as I get why you snapped, I can’t imagine how she feels now she’s essentially being bullied online. Kids are awful and she’s now a massive target. You need to try and repair this.

Smartiepants79 · 11/06/2026 09:28

Maybe she’ll start to brush her teeth now.
The circumstances are unfortunate but she clearly needed a serious kick up the arse.
I can’t believe no friends have noticed this yet anyway. Her breath must stink.

cuppcake · 11/06/2026 09:31

Thank you all. It appears to have died down a bit by this morning and they have moved on to gossiping about something else! I 100% said brush your teeth as in this occasion and not that she doesn’t brush at all! I’m not even convinced it was as bad as she made it out to be (she has form for making things 100% as dramatic as she can). And the best news - clean teeth this morning!

not my proudest moment as a parent though. She’s a great kid and it takes a lot for me to react but, she’s so
lazy! She will take hours to get ready and do tan, lashes, hair etc but, her room is a pigsty (Just close the door now!) and the teeth thing really gets to be as I feel they are so important.

might not have been my finest moment but, hopefully it will make her brush them.

thank you to those who replied (especially the supportive comments that made me feel slightly less terrible)

OP posts:
DoubleShotEspressox · 11/06/2026 09:41

Why do you feel bad? She needed a shock. It’s just fucking laziness and there’s no excuse for it.

Aside from bad breath, if she’s already showing signs of decay she’s a perfect candidate for heart disease and other infections as a result of long term poor oral hygiene.

I can imagine that unless you really to grips with this now you’re in for a world of pain moving forward. And if you guilty for telling her to brush her teeth, maybe you need a kick up the arse too.

SpudGunToo · 11/06/2026 09:49

I agree, she’s messed up but can learn from it and try to do better in future.

Has she apologised to you for her reaction yet and said what she’s going to do to make it up to you?

DaisyChain505 · 11/06/2026 09:51

Well maybe now she’ll brush her teeth….no point spending all that time getting ready and trying to look pretty if you’ve got awful teeth and stinking breath.

She’s not 6, there’s no excuse really.

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