Contact between 16 y.o. and grandparents

[MaybeYouCan]

My 16 y.o. son would like to know what typical contact between teens his age and their grandparents looks like eg frequency, level of involvement in the teen's life. He is autistic.

He speaks to them on the phone a few times a week and sees them for the day with his dad at maybe 4-6 week intervals. He tells them about his ongoing friendship issues and about the girl he likes & his interactions with other boys who also like her.

They are currently telling him that he needs to ring them after every social event to update them on what happened & what was said. (By social events, I mean youth club type sessions which he goes to 3 times a week.)

I don't think this is a normal expectation and he would like to understand what kind of contact other teens have with their grandparents.

He will be reading replies.

I would say once a fortnight is probably normal, if that. You need to support him in reducing this or they will push and demand more until he burns out. Can you imagine if you had a bad day at an interaction and then once you finally leave there is a pressure to relay the events to your grandparents? They're being selfish.

Speaking up in defence of your 16yo will give him back up to speak out if he does want to step back or step away. It’ll also give your other DC roundabout support for their decision.

it’ll also take away any silent pretence from your DH and in laws that everything is hunky dory.

Someone needs to stick up for your DC, and it sounds like it’s you or nobody

I wouldn’t be able to support that kind of expectation and would ask my parents and in laws to back off and be reasonable in the situation you describe. My ASD son is 14 and sees my parents once or twice a month, and sometimes has a bit of an exchange with them via the family group WhatsApp. Theres no phone conversations between them unless he wants to join in when I’m talking to them.

My FIL he sees a couple of times a week but they don’t have any interest in each other or common ground so there’s zero 1:1 interaction there which suits both of them.