What will your post-GCSE curfew be?

[dangsilly]

Kind of on the back of my other thread in AIBU, what (if any) curfew will your teens have once their GCSE’s are done?

None, as long as they tell me if they are staying out overnight etc, rather than me sitting in worrying and I have a rough idea where they are.

They'll be practicing for Leeds and Reading Festival on results day, won't they?

I didn’t see your other thread sorry. My ds did his GCSEs last summer. He’s not old enough to get into pubs yet so we see no reason for him to be in town at night unless it’s cinema, a meal, or some other organised activity. Going to a mates house or whatever is fine but unless he’s sleeping over we would expect him to leave by 10:30 ish (for their parents sake as much as ours!) He’s very independent and actually has a lot of freedom, he’s always said we are fair but sensible with rules. He’s going to a party next weekend but they are all sleeping over (the dad will be there), so we will pick him up in the morning.

Why would you need a curfew for a post-GCSE teen? Is there some State imposed national crisis I’ve missed?

Well that’s why I’m asking. On the one hand they are 16 and will have left school but in the other hand they are only 16 and I feel that I need to have an idea about what they are doing and some fair rules that help them stay safe.
Should a 16yo have complete freedom about where they go and what they do and what time they come home?

What do you mean? Practicing staying up from Friday to Sunday night and living off biscuits? 😂

A discussion about safety is absolutely a priority. I cannot think how many times we stressed the importance of staying away from open water or pools if they’d had even a drop of alcohol. Or never straying from the group. Never leaving anyone behind. Never getting in a car with anyone intoxicated. Condoms. Communication. In our circle we’ve known young adults who died after post-exam high jinks - so I don’t take it lightly At All.

It’s serious conversations you want. Not arbitrary curfews.

Not complete freedom no OP. It really depends where they are and what they are doing. For example I don’t like my dd using the bus station after dark on her own, so that would be off limits. As someone living in my house I also expect some respect, so you know roughly where they are going and when due back. But I wouldn’t be telling them a curfew time.

My curfew is when I want to be asleep. I can’t sleep unless he’s home. Unless he’s arranged to stay over at a friends place obvs.
I will drive and collect him if required, but I expect to be kept in contact with and need everyone home with the doors locked before I sleep. This is usually sometime between 10:30-11:30.

I’m also happy to have whoever sleep over here anytime.

This too 💯

Exactly.

But I would insist on some personal hygiene while at home

Mine didn’t have a curfew once he was done with exams. As long as I knew where he was/who he was with, he could do what he wanted. He never got into trouble

Yeah I’m the same.

If your teen is leaving school for work or training, @dangsilly, it’s even more important that you move to a more adult form of negotiation and agreement.

Ours, along with all their friends, was returning for A’Levels after the holidays - so the post-GCSE celebratory period was necessarily limited, and they weren’t moving into the adult world.

Also, their school friends were scattered all over the country, so almost all gatherings tended to mean travelling and overnights, if not weekends. A curfew would have been irrelevant. What mattered to us was trying to instil a repertoire of behaviours that would keep them alive and safe when away from home and school.

They’ve finished GCSEs not A levels… they’re 16 and still children. I don’t see why 16 year olds would need to be out past 10/11pm anywhere except a sleepover.

My SD doesn't really go out at night so it's hard to say.

I think with my daughter, the rule would be that she can go out if I know where she is and with a purpose. If she's going to a film that finishes at midnight I'd be fine with it. If she wants to go and hang about with no clear destination until 10pm then that would be a no.

I just asked my son what time he thought he’d be home and to tell me if that changed. He was very good at texting saying he was on his way home with an eta. My DD didn’t go out much so wasn’t an issue.

I agree with everything you’ve written here and will be having these conversations, that’s a given.

My DD is 16 and doesn’t have a curfew. She tells me where she’s going, I have her location (and she has mine!). And 99% of the time asks me to pick her up so I don’t worry too much to be honest. She’s not one for hanging around outside like I was at that age, she’s either at a friends or doing something or there is loads of them here.
if they do go to the beach or whatever then she tells me, and again I end up taking a variety of them home!

A friends house, the sports social club, the snooker club, a gig. There are quite a few places that my DC could conceivably be until past 11pm.

After GCSe's dd left home to go and study at a specialist dance college. I had no idea whenshe got home after nigths out.

Ds who attended a local college, simply had to tell me his plans so I knew when the house could be locked up at night/dog not disturbed and wake the entire house up.

DS and his friends don't go anywhere so the question is irrelevant here. He goes to the city on a Saturday day time but that's it.