How can my daughter handle exclusion from a frenemy?

[Mungomango]

So DD14 is generally happy and outgoing but has a frenemy in her netball team. This girl sometimes acts like DD's friend but recently has started actively encouraging the other girls to not pass the ball to DD at practices, not sit with her at events, and basically exclude her.
It's really upsetting DD. She has talked to the frenemy who has said DD is being oversensitive and she's only joking (it doesn't feel like a joke!). We're not sure where to go from here. Has anyone got any similar experiences and how did you or your teenager deal with it?
I'd really love some advice as I find these situations hard!!
Thank you x

Facilitate her in strengthening her other friendships.

Let her know she doesn’t have to ‘be kind’. If she wants to say things how they are then that’s OK to do.

Don’t use the word frenemy. It’s minimising what is happening.

DD should call her out on her behaviour and not mimimise it.
She could speak to the netball coach who would not be pleased that the other girl’s behaviour is impacting the team.

That girl is a bully! Your DD needs to stand up to her and report to any relevant teachers. This is a lesson for life.

Thanks for the comments. DD doesn’t want to make a fuss about it but I agree that she needs to do something. It’s only recently started so it would be better to nip it in the bud. I’m friendly with the girls mum, should I talk to her about it too, or leave it to DD and the coach?

AT 14 I would see if dd can handle it herself with the coach but step in with the coach (not the mum) if that doesn’t work. She knows she has your support.

As a bullied teenager way back when, I wish I’d had the confidence and support to handle it myself. It would have set me up for life.

Yes if it’s affecting game play then talk to the coach. And agree with pp about not ‘being kind’ support your dd in telling this bully to back off.

At 14, she is now 15, we had to get DGD to deal with it herself. It was the constant passive/aggressive behaviour the perpetrator enacted on a small group of my DGD and her friends.

At first we kind of tried to get DGD to understand that people are different and have different opinions and ways of expressing them. But it came to a head when she was saying quite horrible things and after weeks and weeks of us as a family talking about it, we told DGD that she had to tell this girl that she did not want to be friends with her.

To cut a long story short, said girl was upset but accepted being challenged and went off and hung with a different group.

At first my DGD just wanted to keep the peace, but was becoming more and more upset by the things this girl said. They do not hang together now but funnily enough have been sat together in form and get on well.

@Mungomango, it is not making a fuss and it doesn’t have to be loud, but your DD can have a word “no you are not joking and you are not my friend, so please stop it”. If it escalates then you get involved.

No experience with girls but have had this with boys and I would echo what others have said, don't put up with any bullying. Bullies often start by testing their victim, seeing if they will push back or allow bullying, this is why it is important to put a stop to it early on, if it is not stopped early it can escalate. Better if your DD deals with it herself but if she is not confident enough to do so, involve the coach. I personally wouldn't bother speaking to the mum, parents usually defend their own children.

Ok. The advice seems pretty consistent. I will get DD to handle this herself first. Thanks so much for the advice everyone, I really really appreciate the input.