Anyone else's teenager choosing not to go to prom?

[SimonReevesbagcarrier]

Did anyone else’s DC decide not to go to Prom?
DD doesn’t really have friends at school and has said she doesn’t want to go as she’ll have no one to go with and probably won’t get invited to an after party. I’m feeling sad but at least she’s owning the decision (and we’ll spend the ££ on an evening out for her and out of school friends)

We didn't have Proms in my day; we had School Dances for each year at Christmas. This is Scotland, so in High School 1st Year, 2nd Year, 3rd Year, 4th Year, and 5th and 6th Year if you stayed on. I didn't go to any of them. I usually either went out with pals or went to football.

DS is not going to- no issues. It’s just not his thing

DS didn't go last year when he finished high school. He just wasn't interested. I didn't force it and said that's fine. As long as he is happy. That's all that matters. He went to the graduation ceremony to keep me happy though. Which was a good compromise.

My DS wasn’t allowed to go, his school use it as a big stick/carrot for attendance and behaviour rather than a chance for the students to say goodbye to each other. He only attended part time due to SEN issues so his attendance percentage wasn’t high enough to be able to get a ticket. Fortunately he didn’t give a shiny shite, I think I was more upset than he was.

Proms mercifully weren't a thing when I was at school in the early 90s but we did have a leavers' disco, which I made a point of not going to. I was a rather pompous nerd who was deeply unpopular, and I honestly thought it wasn't my scene at all (plus I hadn't been to any Christmas parties/discos in the preceding few years).

30+ years later, I rather regret not going..

I would imagine a child who doesn’t have any friends would want to avoid it like the plague. They’ll have no one to talk to!

That's so mean-spirited of the school.

It's great at the time to try and look cool, but invariably you end up feeling like a daft knob years later. It's one of the follies of youth.

True. DS only spoke to a few people at the school and wasn't in the "popular" crowd. He couldn't be bothered with all the leaving "shite" as he put it. Handprints on a sheet for Leavers 2025 or whatever it was. He has friends outside of school though.

I agree. Very upsetting for those who probably would have liked to say goodbye to their year before parting ways forever.

Please don't feel regret over it. There was only a Leavers Disco in my day and that was it. Nothing special. It was in a function suite of a pub in town. I can't even remember everyone there. That's how memorable it was!

It's also for that reason that I didn't mind if my eldest didn't go to his Prom either. Life moves on and years later you do often forget it all. It's not a big deal.

I think that's just awful and agree it's mean-spirited of the school.

God it's hard enough with DCs who have SEN and often miss out on so much that other kids can do. What arses they are.

Mine is not sure. He also has SEN and only one friend and the friend isn't going. He said he has no-one to go with, but also FOMO. I just want him to make a decision and be confident in whatever it is.

We didn't have a Prom when I was at school in the distant past.(In a different country to the UK) Instead we had a 'Debutante Ball' which even then i thought was misogynistic and cringy. I went to support a friend and sat with her awful parents (they found it amusing to criticise all the dresses) and I still remember it just being a horrid evening.

My mother was devastated I did not want to be a Deb and cried about it. She had desperately wanted to be one but as she came from a very poor family and was the youngest of 5 her parents couldn't afford it.

From memory, DS refused to have his name in the high school yearbook. He wanted nothing to do with it. Again, I understand that too. I had one. I have never looked at it since leaving school years and years ago! I don't care about it. It's likely in the loft somewhere.

I like that some young people don't just accept everything now, many will stand up and say no to stuff, many just got swept up in with Leavers stuff years ago. Everyone just accepted you had to do it. If a young person doesn't feel comfortable doing these things they are within their rights to turn prom down.

Mine didn’t, dd2 was far too cool for that sort of thing, dd1 doesn’t do crowds. They did have a mini prom at 14 (just nice clothes, not expensive ones, guys not in suits mostly unless they had one already for a wedding) they went to as they left their school at 14, but the post gcse one both refused to attend. Dd1 did nothing, dd2 had a few friends around to ours and she cooked a 3 course meal and they had cava and whatever else they scrounged off their parents (all had permission to drink, I checked). Dd2 did go to her leavers ball at 18 but being a private school parents went too!

School proms are something that should be consigned to history. We are not the 51st state, and over celebration of things is something I think to be discouraged.

I'm pleased to read about those not going.

Ds refused to go to the year 11 prom last year, he has no regrets. He’s going to the 6th form “ball” in a couple of weeks, but it’s at the school and much more relaxed. No black tie, just smart clothes, a couple of his mates are the DJs, and some of the boys who are in a band will do a live set. It’s much more ds thing!