Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

should I ignore him

10 replies

lily2309 · 22/06/2008 15:06

My DS 19 has returned from uni for the summer and although for the first week he was great, chatty cheerful certainly not rude - it did not last. He has become sullen, rude,doesnt speak , just shrugs his shoulders and grunts, I do hope that I can last out until september!!

I was thinkng maybe it is because he is waiting for his results or maybe he is used to doing is own thing away from home. Any advice please, should I just ignore him?

OP posts:
youcannotbeserious · 22/06/2008 15:09

He's 19!!!

I'm sure it's both - exam results are due out soon and he's also used to living away from home....

I think as long as you make sure he can talk to you, it's probably best leave him to his PS3 and MSN!!!

RGPargy · 22/06/2008 18:08

I sympathise! DS is 17 and also acts like this, but without any reason/excuse!

missingtheaction · 22/06/2008 18:10

sadly sullen rude etc is normal, the cahtty cheerful bit was huge pleasure at being at lovely Hotel Home again.

If he expects to be treated like a guest he'd better act like a guest - grateful and entertaining. If he expects to be treated like DS then don't treat him like a guest.

Aah, aren't they lovely!

BetteNoire · 22/06/2008 18:14

Rude, sullen teenage behaviour may be par for the course at 19 (although I'm sure I'd got over it by that age), but as a parent, I wouldn't be putting up with it all day, every day from now until September.

Maybe he is used to doing his own thing away from home, but if he's under your roof, he should be showing you respect and common courtesy.

Presumably he's getting a job for the holidays?
And paying a bit towards his keep?

girlnextdoor · 22/06/2008 20:57

IME their visits home follow a pattern- nice as pie for a week, foul for several weeks, nice for the week before they go back!

Try to give him some space- it must be hard being back home after the freedom of uni- I still feel like that when I visit my parents- and I am in my 50s lol!

Maybe you should show you understand this and try to be extra nice to him, though I expect you'd rather cut off your right arm, the way you feel now!

My son used to be the same- lovely for a ewekk then downhill all the way and I used to feel so sad and disappointed. However, he now doesn't want to come home- he's in his 4th year - and that makes me sadder. beg ald you have him even if he is being a pain. Just grin and bear it and he'll come round again- or even tell him how this makes you sad.

Original poster
lily2309 · 22/06/2008 23:07

Thanks all for your great advice. I think in some respect it is my problem because I do look forward to him coming home but things have to change. He is building his own life and I suppose that coming home reminds him of what he was and not what he is now.

I must admit he is not as rude as he was last year and I really do my best to treat him as an adult, but they do have a habit of regressing when they come home. My nephew is 26 and he still behaves childishly with his parents !!

Oh the joys of parenthood, it is quite true what they say - you dont appreciate your parents until you have kids of your own! Do you agree ?

OP posts:
Loshad · 24/06/2008 11:05

lily certainly agree with the not appreciating your parents until you have children.

Original poster
lily2309 · 03/07/2008 13:04

well he got his results and has done really well but that hasnt improved his attitude. I cant say that he is rude as he doesnt talk.(well he does talk to his friends!)but his parents, that is a different matter.

The thought of him moping around the house for the next 3 months is really depressing me. His dad has helped him find a job (paid)but he hasnt even had the courtesy to contact them to check when they want him to start. It looks that he will loose this great opportunity and another summer will go by. His CV is definetely going to look empty when he starts looking for work next year !. I have told my husband to just leave him alone, not nag and wait till he is really bored but regrettably that will probably only happen too late , they wont hold the job open for long.

Has anyone got some suggestions please ?

OP posts:
deste · 03/07/2008 21:49

I dont think I would be leaving him alone, stand over him till he calls to get a start date. If he goes to work he might have something to talk about. He might be depressed of course, and if he is then that is a different matter.

slug · 04/07/2008 12:59

Point out to him that now he's old enough to earn a living you are going to want some money from him for board over the holidays. If you really want you could keep the money in an account and give it back to him during the year

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread